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Carmen Del Rey

I'm scared I'll kill myself. Help.

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Carmen Del Rey

Hello. I'm Carmen and I'm 17.

I'm feeling really down lately and l got no one to talk to. My mom denies my depression and my sister is way too young to understand. I tried sharing about it to my friend but I feel like she couldn't understand and she has enough to worry about on her own. I live in a province and we only have access to the most basic needs. There isn't a therapist nearby and I bet we wouldn't be able to afford medication since we are already struggling to eat three times a day. Its hard to keep up a face every morning and pretend I'm alright. I feel alone and misunderstood most of the time. I am also ashamed of our financial state although I tell myself its stupid and my mom is doing her best. Ive been crying to myself at night for quite a while now and I scared myself when I started saying goodbye to my belongings. Im afraid the time will come when I couldn't handle it and decide to jump off a cliff (which I have Been fantasizing for a while) .Thank you for listening to my drama and all. 

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Guest

Hello Carmen,  I am in no way "qualified" to tell you anything, but you have reached out here and this is a good place to find someone to talk with.  I once heard Dr. Phil (don't laugh...:)  say, "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem".  I'm much older than you (I'm 61) and know that problems come and go, grow and lessen, but God put you here for a reason and I would like to get to know you better. 

     Please find someone to hug you and listen to you.  Stay close to this site...I'll be watching for your posts...Hugs to you!

 

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ElemmireAnini

Hi Carmen,

Please know you are not alone.  I know you feel alone.  I understand the situation with your mother.  Mine was the same.  Always telling me that it was a phase, or how I should be happy because I wasn't this or that.  I am sorry that your friend says she is busy, that is awful.  But you are not alone.  You are a human who has value.  You deserve to live for a better time in life.  You deserve to see how things can change for the better.

Would you like to email me?  I'm not a therapist.  I am a 30 year old woman, who when I was a teenager wanted to die everyday.  I had few friends.  I'm mixed race, so people in school said hateful things to me.  My parents denied my problems and made everything about themselves.  

Life is drama.  But it feels less intense when you can safely share with someone.

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sincerelysherry

Dear Carmen,

I am so sorry that you are feeling depressed. I can understand because I have always suffered from it. Please realize that there is help out there. Talk to a counselor at school, or a minister at church. There are support groups out there or call the suicide hotline and they will help you. 

Life has it's ups and downs, it's good and bad. It's not the problems we encounter, it's how we handle them. 

God created you, unique in your own way for a special, specific purpose in life. We don't always know why but there is a reason. Your journey has just begun. Troubles don't last long. Everyday is a new day. Think about your children and grandchildren and great grandchildren in your future. Had I caved to my depression, I would have never known my beautiful children and grandchildren. 

My Mother committed suicide 4 years ago and it turned our lives upside down. We felt guilty, abandonment, the deepest unimaginable pain and despair. I don't think she had any idea what it would do to our family. We will never be the same. Regardless of how old one gets or how sad you are or how much pain we feel, we will always be needed by someone and they would be lost without us. 

Like I said life is hard but that's how we learn the lessons God wants us to learn is mostly through painful experiences. Diamonds are created through pressure, cutting and shaping, beautiful swords are created by hot fire, hammering and shaping. Such as our characters and wisdom. 

When you get sad and down, get out of the house, join a group, volunteer at an animal shelter or a nursing home, those that need you, exercise, call someone, get a pet, pray, pray and pray some more. Darkness is sometime scary, but the sun will always come out tomorrow. You can make your life anyway you want. It's your choice, your decisions. 

Please hold on. You are special, so treat yourself that way. No one can love you more than you can love yourself. Others may abandon you but you can always depend on yourself. 

God loves you and I love you. May he wrap his loving arms around you and give you comfort,  peace, strength and courage. 

Happiness is just around the corner. 

Sincerely, Sherry 

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reader

Dear Carmen,

We all care about you and support you. If you are in Canada please call the Kids help Phone line which is free at 1-800-668-6868 or 911.

I know its hard when you feel no one understands you. We have all been in your shoes. Please do not give up. You are worth it. Must love yourself and get help. There is always help, please do not give up. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

 

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Rob ikemire

Glad to see your reaching out for help believe me you are loved by many and nothings worth suicide sweetie I lost a little brother and two friends over the past few weeks to it they didn't talk to no one about there problems and any of us would have been there in a heartbeat so please talk to someone your life is worth it and so many great things are waiting for you through life! Talk to me  if it would help you hon!

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ModKonnie

Carmen,

Please tell someone at school, or go to a nearby hospital, police station or some authority and tell them you've had thoughts of suicide. Tell your mother again how you are feeling. Reach out and tell everyone you love what your are feeling. Are you opposed to going to a church or religious sanctuary to get possible guidance and advice? 

The other posters have said it all well--suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things will get better. You have to tell yourself this--even if you have trouble believing it--just keep telling yourself this while you reach out for help. 

ModKonnie

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Guest

Carmen I hope you respond soon I am worried about

you and understand more than you know. I will post my story shortly and it might help you a little . 

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