Divorce is hard.....

[mandy8]

Well I got a divorce the end of July 2009. It took me several years to come to that decision mostly due to the fact we have a child together. I went to counseling, read books, worked out, got braces, got a breast augmentation and anything else I could think of just to get approval and affection from my ex. Despite the fact that many close friends knew how unhappy I was  not to mention the incredible toll it took on my self esteem, I had so many friends turn their back on me and completely betray my trust. I've basically been considered an adulteress and I've even had people to practically accuse me of choosing other things over my child.  I started seeing someone about 4 months ago and he is very sweet. I know he loves me no matter what I look like, actually he prefers me not to pile on the make up, lol. But I still am having a very hard time dealing with the insecurities and trying to redeem myself at my office for the time I missed and errors I made going through the stress of this whole situation. I've been better at holding my head up on decisions I've made, but secretly inside I'm screaming at the fact I can't be with my child everyday, it kills me to know that she doesn't have her mommy everyday and I feel that I've failed her. I've not missed my ex once since the divorce, you wouldn't even believe the things he's done since the divorce, but it still hurts that our family couldn't work, and so many people would think I would just walk away. Sometimes the outside image isn't what is really going on, so when divorce happens people are quick to judge. I've learned not to judge others, I've worn a lot of shoes in the last few months that I never that I would have to walk a mile in.

[jlheaven]

I have been divorced since 2005...it has probably taken me longer than the average person to begin working through the after math because I was so severely depressed for so many years. But my point is things are finally healing and really are getting better when it really seemed like they never would. My x-husband and I were together for 7 years and he was NOT an abusive man, but one day I came home to bruises all over our 4 month old daughter, I knew he did it and contacted DCFS, and he did finally admit it to me privately. My only words of wisdom are to always be careful not to bring the old relationship issues from the marriage into the new one. Is much easier said than done. And just speaking for myself, I felt like I didn't miss him, wasn't even really aware how much I actually did until I started really dealing with things. So please let the most important part of this message remain, it WILL get better, no lies... oh and p.s. I totally understand about the stigma of divorce...and I know you miss your child when you are at work, in the end it really doesn't seem to be the amount of time you spend together but the quality of the time you do...