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rhayes245

Loss of friend to suicide

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rhayes245

Last March, a friend of mine attempted suicide on her 21st birthday. She died nine days later.

I didn't know her for very long (under a year) but we became close quickly. She was one of few people in my life who I knew I wanted to stay in touch with forever. I didn't spend enough time with her before she died. There were so many things I never got to share with her. 

I knew she'd been struggling emotionally, but so had so many of my friends... I've known so many people who are or have been suicidal that I didn't process that could mean death until after it happened. I just keep running through what I could have done differently and all the amazing things she could've gone on to do in her life. 

It feels wrong that this happened. I had it so set in my mind that we were going to be friends for years. I think about her every day. I don't want to forget about her, but it's so exhausting to be constantly thinking about her. Will it ever stop?

I walked past the ambulance that went to get her. Now every time I hear sirens I get anxious. I only found out she was in the hospital because we worked on the same staff and our supervisor called everyone in to let us know. I worry that if someone who I'm not close enough with is dying, I won't know about it. I'm afraid of losing people. 

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Missing Jack

Hello rhayes,

Mostly I just wanted to tell you that you have been heard and that I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Depression is a terrible and lonely affair. I don't know why your friend chose to end her life. I do know that in my own life, I have at times, been in some very dark places myself. I also know I have had to fight the desire to give in, to give up. I told a loved one recently, "suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem." It was something from a friend some years ago, and it has always stuck with me.

I don't think my loved one ever thought of it in quite that way.

While we may never know the depth of your friends thoughts, emotions and pain that brought her to this ultimate act, we can remember her.

It seems to me, (I have 3 adult children) who have certainly had their troubles over the years, that I had spent much of my life fearing the loss of people. Ultimately what that did, was prevent me from living my life fully. To live and to love fully. Don't let this happen to you.

You see, the thing is, if one lives long enough, or even at all, eventually it is most assured that we will lose people. As you may have felt already however, losing people from suicide, for many, is the ultimate act of betrayal. At the least it is deeply sad for what might have been, So many emotions. If only I would of done this, said that. Maybe if, ... Anyway, I have a tendency to go on .. another sleepless early morning, so I saw your post and here we are ..

Your friends message to me is .. don't be afraid to live and to love. Reach out and help another, it may be just the thing that is needed.

God Bless You, Be Well

Michael

 

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Missing Jack

 

rhayes,

you reminded me of this poem, I had not thought about it in some time.

Reason, Season, Lifetime (Poem)

 People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

 

 When you figure out which one it is,

you will know what to do for each person.

 

When someone is in your life for a REASON,

it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty;

to provide you with guidance and support;

to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend, and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.

 

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,

this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.

Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

 

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,

because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.

They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

 

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;

things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

 

— Unknown

 

Michael

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