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beckyshort1

My husband killed himself after a fight with me

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beckyshort1

My husband and I were fighting over text, we had separated to work on things and agreed we would not be with others.

I caught him with another women aweek after I moved out, he brought her home from the bar.

I informed him over text we were done, the text went back and forth for hours. I had to have him arrested previously for assult and he blamed me for his work issues due to the arrest. Threatened me and my children but like an idiot I wanted it to work, great mom right. Anyways he wanted me to call the cops. He told me he was going to have a shoot out with them. He said I come or the cops. I refused to call the cops due to the constant threat that he would "destroy" me next time i did. A mutual friend did however call the cops. They did not arrest him, he did not threaten them when they arrived so they could not do anything.

Jump ahead, the text continued for hours, I should have simply shut off my phone. 

His last text said, here's to you.

My response was go to bed, call your girlfriend you should not be texting me.

He shot himself in the head with a bullet that said "$!#! You Becky"....

I should have stopped responding, how do I let go of the fear of some kind of arrest - I'm told this is not possible but I'm so scared. How to I get out of my head thinking had I just shut up, had I just gone over there, I could have stooped this. 

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Missing Jack

Hello Becky,

Becky, I don't believe  anyone could of stopped this tragic happening as you have described it. Thank God no one else was injured or worse. Sure, you are going to look back and ask, maybe had I done this, maybe if I had not done that. This is all too human. It seems your husband had some pretty serious demons that he just could not overcome. Ultimately he made the fateful decision to take his own life, and although I cannot imagine the pain that brought him to this point, nor can I imagine your pain in dealing with it now, I would only say, try as best you can, to not blame yourself.

So very sorry this has happened. I would encourage you to seek outside support as much as you can. Women support groups, including support groups that deal especially with abusive relationships. All one needs to do is read the headlines, or turn on the tv, to understand how terribly wrong this truly could have become.

I don't know and hesitate to "guess" but perhaps your husband beyond the obvious, had other troubles, alcohol for example. In any regard, it seems he was extremely ill and I am grateful that others were not further harmed, in the taking of his own life.

God Bless You and your children,

Be Well

Michael

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Guest

That is a really disturbing situation..the level of guilt you feel must be intense. Unfortunately, he seemed like an unstable person from what you describe. He made the choice to kill himself, and no one can really be blamed for that including him.. a lot of factors probably come into play when suicide occurs, you alone are not responsible. I think.. If we are to assign responsibility it's either everyone or no one. Not just one or two people.. how can you bear the entire burden? I do agree that some may have more of an impact than others. But the idea of guilt makes me very angry. It destroys people until there's nothing left. All I can hope for is that you find a way to alleviate the guilt. The only way to get through this is to feel all the emotions involved and try to express them. Perhaps over time you can find some peace. I'm sorry.

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Untiltomorrow

Oh hun...that was a self destructive dance he was in for a while and was not intending to stop any time soon. 

Please please get some counseling to help. He dragged you in so far that I hope you do not try to figure this out alone. The danger of getting into another self destructive dance is very real. 

Please take care of yourself. 

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beckyshort1

Thank you all for your kind words and guidance 

I am doing well. I have forgiven him and once I forgave him I became free. 

Lots to learn but I am so very greatful for every beautiful moment I get in this life.

Nothing I ever wanted to go through but it is now a chapter in my life and all I can do is learn from it and make the next chapter better.

May you all stay healthy and happy 

God bless 

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