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Venus83

Relationships after suicidal loss

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Venus83

Hello everyone, 

I am confronted with a special situation and I started reading about suicidal parents....I am a bit confused and scared at the same time. 
I am dating this guy for a while and  he told me his mother commited sucide when he was around 35 - 10 years ago. A lot of stuff started to make sense for me, because I never really got why he was so closed and still single and this stuff...
He cried when he told me, I was a bit shoked because I had no idea, I just hugged him and was compassionate about it, he said I am very specail and he is sorry, but sometimes somethings hurt too much. He also said that people are so shallow....
I was wondering what kind of strugle should I expect in a relationship with someone so sensitve in this matter....he is an amazing person, but seems very closed...I am happy he got to open up to me and I don't know much about his healing yet, but made me wonder how is the best way, no only to help him, but to be a good partner also....he still wants kids, and he has a special bond with his sister because of this sad situation.
After he told me that he seems a completely different person with me, more caring, open and after we had a small argument, he seemd very scared to loose me, than was when he decided to tell me that....
Would appreciate some thinking about it and I thank you very much in advance. 
 

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ModKonnie

Perhaps you should consider looking into literature that may help you understand what he is struggling with. I'm sure one of his biggest fears is losing someone else, so he may not trust enough to let go and love, and he may be reserved and hold back "just in case." 

ModKonnie

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Madeleine242

Hello! Good for you for reaching out :) . I myself lost a sister to suicide and am struggling in my current relationship. First off, each person is different and will respond differently to losses of this kind. I can share my experience and hope it has some helpful meaning to you. 

When my sister chose to take her life, I experienced a great amount of sadness along with guilt and shame that whatever I had provided in my relationship with her wasn't enough. It broke my confidence in my abilities to adequately navigate relationships...especially with those closest to me and whom I loved the most. A lot of people shy away from heavy, uncomfortable, tragic situations and I found that even my closest friends fell short in providing the support I needed. I sought out professional help, which helped a lot. 

It sounds like you care a great deal for your partner. Be patient with the walls and for the guardedness...they're for safety and security. Hope anything I've shared helps a little! 

Madeleine

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Missing Jack

Hello Venus,

I found this resource entitled the Alliance of Hope, for suicide loss survivors. 

From their website, "The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors provides healing support for people coping with the shock, excruciating grief and complex emotions that accompany the loss of a loved one to suicide. We hope that you will find resources here to help you deal with, and eventually heal from, what may well be the worst pain you will ever feel."

It is a good thing your guy opened up to you. I would think this resource may be something useful for both of you.

Kindest Regards,

Michael

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