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KarenSunshine

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About KarenSunshine

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Pullman, WA
  • Interests
    Many many
  • Loss Type
    dear husband
  • Angel Date
    01-02-2019

Converted

  • Occupation
    Retired

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  1. Oh dear friend, I do so feel your pain today. I am in the same place. Two months is but a blink of an eye...be gentle with yourself and trust that time will help. I suspect that your earlier losses, the miscarriages particularly, are adding to the intensity of your grief. It is sunny today, and I am KarenSunshine, so why don't I feel happy? Not to be .. not yet - but eventually. AND you Do have ALL of us for support.
  2. Thank you for ALL of your comments: about taxes (yes - another year of joint), about tips for survival (good ones), about the KarenSunshine - well it's called "acting as if" and it's better than a number, as for the volunteering I have three "jobs" but the most rewarding is in kindergarten. Jim and I both did it and now when I go (only one a week for two hours) I am surrounded by kids wanting to hug me. How good that is! I am not a believer in a god or gods of any sort. Or in heaven or hell. I believe that what is to be accomplished on this earth is in the province of man and nature alone. Sometimes (with all the endless horrible news around the world) this believe (that mankind will somehow get its act together and save itself), this belief is hard to hold onto. Sometimes I envy those that "believe" thinking it may give them some comfort ... but I do not, can not. No shortcuts, no easy outs, a tiny step at a time in belief in my resilience is what it will take. And hope. I need hope, and so I wrote myself something - it's framed in several rooms. It was originally for the cancer but now it is for the grief which is overwhelming me today as I work on estate papers. Tears won't stop. I thank you All, for reading, for caring, for responding. We share something that is awful and life altering. May we all come out whole and better for our survival. I WILL KEEP HOPE I will keep hope, however slight it is; hope for a good week, hope for a good day, hope for a good moment. Hope for more ease. I will keep hope hope through all suffering and loss and darkness. I will keep the last hint of hope close to my heart. Hope for simple comfort, for peace, for acceptance. I will hope for those left behind, hope for all life I will hope that tomorrow is yet a chance for more hope.
  3. A year later, I'm new to grieving.com and I'm wandering around a lot. Oh my gosh lady. What you have been through. Now, a year later I hope the dust has settled with the estate and that you have made some peace being separated from your toxic family. I hope you have found some recovery and joy during the last year.
  4. Wow, you write beautifully of your awful pain. Your strength, insight, willingness to move forward are moving. Thank you for being so honest and open. Your share was a long time ago (relatively speaking) and I hope you are doing okay and finding a warm pool to swim in with the sun shining.
  5. Hugs to all those also suffering grief from profound loss. My husband died Jan 3rd. Eventually I'll be okay but I'm not now. I'm trying, going to a grief support group, seeing people, volunteering, writing Jim a letter, being honest, eating well, taking them meds I'm supposed to (for stage IV breast cancer and pulmonary hypertension), exercising, eating pretty good, sleeping okay....none of it is enough. I'm 78. He was 80. I've been reading a number of the posts for the last hour and it's helped. Thank you all for being here, for responding so sportively to each other. So lovingly. There is so much to DO ... and given that it's March taxes too (for the first time for me), and I know I can do it but I don't have the will or the energy. Day at a time. Yea I know. Bit by bit. As long as I am alive I want to Live! But first to grieve. I really appreciate the idea that the grief is not just for my loss but also the loss he had. Time to take meds and go to bed.
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