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LindaP

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  1. Hi Kelly. It's a free podcast created by a lady in the UK named Cariad Lloyd. She's an actor and comedian and she talks about the death of her father when she was 15. In the podcast she interviews actors, comedians and creative people about their experiences of death. Her guests talk about the death of parents, siblings, children and other close family and friends. As they are all creative people they often use humor when talking about their loss. I find great comfort in listening as they open up about how a loss impacted them; at the time and on into their life. Elements are quite funny as they discuss the odd moments of grief, funerals etc. I'm Irish so that sense of humor and irony is very familiar to me but you may find it unusual. Cariad signs off every episode by saying.."....and remember, you are not alone" and that's what it does for me. It takes away a little bit of the loneliness. Take a listen and if you think your subscribers would enjoy it you can find it on all the usual podcast locations. Regards, Linda.
  2. Hello. I've been listening to a podcast called The Griefcast. Others may find it interesting but I'm not quite sure where to post it. Can you post it or signpost me to the most appropriate location? Thanks. -Linda.
  3. Today marks one year since my brother died. I find it hard to grasp the reality that he has been gone for 12 months. I look at his picture hundreds of times every day. I pick up my phone to call him several times a week, then I remember that he's gone and I feel the pain all over again. On the day that Sean died I wanted the world to stop turning. I dug my heels into the earth and yet it kept turning. I hate the fact that I am one year older and he's forever 37. My heart is shredded. I miss him so much. He was my past, my present and my future. It gives me some comfort to know that other people here understand this type of pain and loss.
  4. Dear JYT87. Thank you for this post. I'm sitting at my desk at work trying to hide my tears. Your words have really connected with me. My brother, my only sibling, died by suicide on Feb 26th last year. As we approach the 12 month anniversary I'm still trying to figure out who I am without him. I've left my home and my job to be closer to my parents to support them. Trying to rebuild a career and a life and friendships seemed impossible but I'm making some progress. I felt suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for the first 10 months after he died and that terrified me. I realize it was a symptom of the complicated grief and the episodes don't come as frequently now. I cannot imagine what ongoing, clinical depression must be like. In the early months I was unable to sleep so I spent the hours alone in bed reading and trying to understand what my brother may have experienced and also trying to figure out what I was experiencing. I'd guess that you are an expert on all things related to depression and suicidal thoughts so I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know. However one of the most accessible books I read was Matt Haig's 'Reasons to Stay Alive'. When my mind was racing and unable to concentrate I could always flick through this short book. Take a look if you see it in a book store. I hope you are doing ok right now. Please hang on. Not just for your family and friends; please hang on for yourself. Even in the dark places please allow a tiny chink of light in. If you haven't done so already please consider telling your sister how you feel. I bet she loves you with her whole heart. She is stronger than you think. You don't have to protect her from the darkness. I bet she would run into hell for you. Please give her a chance to shoulder this burden. It's not fair that you should carry it alone. I would do anything for one last hug with my brother. One more trip together. One more walk with the dogs. One more meal in a nice restaurant. I loved my brother so much and I know he loved me too. He was my past, my present and my future. Thank you for giving me an insight it what he may have experienced. -Linda.
  5. Dear Dee2002 I'm so sorry to read that you lost your sister in this very sad way. I feel your pain. I see your pain. Everything you feel now is real and legitimate. My brother, my only sibling, died on Feb 26th last year. I simply cannot believe it was 1 year ago. My whole universe has been destroyed and yet the world keeps turning! I was very close to my brother and the fact he was hiding this pain made me feel so betrayed and so very lonely. It's not for everyone but I found it useful to talk to a counsellor. In the early months I was too scared to tell my friends or family how I was feeling. I was feeling dark and destructive and I didn't want to worry them. It was great to talk to a professional / stranger knowing there would be no judgement. As time passes I'm braver when I talk to my family and friends. I now realize they are all stronger than I gave them credit for so I don't need to protect them so much. It terrified me that I felt suicidal after my brother died. Apparently that's not unusual for close family members bereaved by suicide but it was so scary to think I was losing my grip on my life. I share this with you because I want you to ask for help if you feel suicidal. These thoughts can, in some cases, be a symptom of the very complicated grief you're dealing with. You must not allow them to take hold of you. I'm not healed but I'm in a different place now to where I was 4 months after his death. It's still so hard but the absolute despair and loneliness doesn't sit on my chest every day. People told me that time would help. I didn't believe them but I think they were right. I have good days and bad days but I no longer dread going to sleep and waking up. I no longer feel a crushing pain in my chest all the time. I think we feel lonely because we don't realize how many people have been where we are. I had never come close to suicide so I knew nobody would understood. Try and reach out, like these forums, to people who understand. That really made me feel less lonely. Please take care of yourself. Try to eat, sleep and drink plenty of water. Take some time outside in nature. I promise you, you will be ok. You are not alone. -Linda.
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