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Auburnazd

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    8
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About Auburnazd

  • Rank
    Newbie

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Kimberly, Alabama
  • Loss Type
    Father, Child, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Best Friend, Family Pets
  • Angel Date
    Too many to count

Converted

  • Occupation
    Senior Financial Analyst, HUD
  • First Name
    Kelly
  • Last Name
    R
  • Zip
    35091
  • Country
    US

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  1. I will definitely check out those websites. Yes I have done grief counseling, rehab for marijuana that I was using to escape, years of therapy, and am about to start DBT therapy. Nothing has seemed to work. I’m visiting my son and dads gravesits in Pennsylvania next week (I live in Alabama) and try to face some things I’ve avoided for a long time. Thank you so much for your words and suggestions
  2. I am sending prayers and love your way. I still struggle with all my losses. But over time (the worst four letter word) it comes and goes.
  3. My brother did the same thing when my Dad died. My Dad did EVERYTHIG for him. He is extremely bi-polar but that is no excuse to me. But what I have learned is that it is his burden to bear. It will be his regret and his pain to carry around. You can’t carry it around for him. Be strong for yourself and surround yourself with strong and supportive people to love you and help you. If you ever need to talk, please contact me!
  4. Nicole- Thank you for sharing with me. Because I struggle with feeling like i’m On some kind of timeline of relief. I know its been a long time (almost 9 years) since my Dad died and 7 since my son but I still struggle greatly. My therapist calls it complicated grief but beyond that I don’t know how to “fix” it. I’m going to visit his gravesite which is next to my son’s next month (they are in PA and I am in AL) and talk to them, even if it is just in spirit. I need that connection. I also need or maybe want to look at pictures that I have avoided for years. I appreciate every day because of my husband and other son, but most days I feel like life is just passing me by and I don’t want that. I suffer from a lot of anxiety and depression and I try really hard to deal with it but my progress has been slow. So it is just helpful to hear that I am on my own timeline. And it gives me hope that it will get better. Thank you!!
  5. I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our first born at 38 weeks and it still haunts me. I’d like to say it gets better easily, but it does take work. Working through the grief, facing and accepting the loss. I need to take my own advice because I suck at it on many days, but just know there had to be, just absolutely had to be a reason that you went through this loss. If you accept that, it helps you find a little bit of peace. Feel free to talk or vent to me at at anytime.
  6. I am so so sorry for your loss. I’m even more sorry that you weren’t allowed to grieve. My mom told me the same thing when I lost my father and my son when he was 38 weeks along. I suffer from a lot of depression because I lost an aunt, two uncles, grandmother, and two other very very close friends in a matter of 6 years. So I completely understand your pain. I am happy to be a resource to vent to if you ever need it.
  7. I just struggle greatly with moving on. I definitely do need to find a hobby but a lot of time depression just takes over. I have an amazingly supportive husband and a wild but adorable 5 1/2 year old son but I still feel very empty many days. Many days I just feel like I want to give up. The hardest losses were my father and my son. My father was my best friend and everything to me and words can’t describe losing my son even if I was “prepared” for it. I’m sorry if this message sounds so down, i’m Just eager and desperate to find individuals that I can communicate with, learn from, and lean on. I have done grief counseling for years and still keep in touch with my counselor and I see a psychologist weekly, but I haven’t found the right solution. I GREATLY appreciate your suggestions and like that we have to start small. I need to find that “thing” to focus on and build upon.
  8. My Dad was everything to me. I was a Daddy’s girl and he was my best friend. When he died, a part of me died with me. A year later my now husband and I unexpectedly got pregnant. I thought from death came life. At 17 weeks we found out our baby, Caleb, had a chromosomal disorder and would eventually not survive. Our little champion made it until I was 38 weeks pregnant. In the following 5 years, I lost 6 other people including my Aunt, two Uncles, Grandmother, one best friend, one very close friend, and both our family dogs. I have been lost and heartbroken for the last 9 years. I’m sure many people wouldn’t understand why I haven’t just gotten over it but I don’t know how. I used marijuana to cover up my emotions and avoid them but I am now 3 months sober and everything is coming to the surface. If anyone has any advice or words of encouragement I would be greatly appreciative. It has been just a horrendous couple of weeks feeling all these emotions.
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