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Grieving can bring out the dark side of us. However, how do we talk about these deep, intense emotions? Generally non-grievers do not want to hear about the angst of grieving. Share here with others about the dark side of grieving. Keep in mind to be respectful of others and their emotions. This forum will stick strictly to the topic.
  1. What's new in this club
  2. Since the death of my Father in May of 2018, or MAYDAY as I call it, this is how I imagine my heart. torn asunder by grief. i have come to call it death-star-heart. as this image from Star Wars of the Death Star, this grief has ripped my heart in half. something about this image resonates with how i feel. God doesn't answer when I cry out, just a maddening silence. It is as though He died on that day in May. my Father is gone. and every thought i have of him, which is to say every thought; every one is an arrow in my already hollow, jagged heart. i worshipped my Father. More people hated him t
  3. I do understand the dark pit. the depths, as you say. it is a darkness you can feel. When my Father died, I was blown away. It was sudden, unexpected, and violent. Dazed, not knowing what had happened but knowing he was dead. Then came the grief, like an explosion of pain in my heart. Piercing. Searing. So much I nearly went mad. It seemed like God died that very day: no presence, no answer; just terrifying silence. Ever since that day--May 2, 2018--I cannot stand the silence. Think, think, think. that's all i do. Silence is death to me in this grief. to say I miss him is the understatement of
  4. sadbluebird

    Taboo Grief

    That sounds nice to eat food that is connected to him. Game night is a great idea also! My mom and I loved games.
  5. Marie M

    Taboo Grief

    When it's possible, I like to eat at Mongolian Barbecue to honor his life. Other than that, game nights help. Activities like that are most helpful to me. Visiting cemeteries has never been helpful to me. It was hard when I lived near the cemeteries and had to drive past them.
  6. sadbluebird

    Taboo Grief

    I saw that in your earlier post that you have a supportive relationship with your partner and that is so good to hear! I know everyone experiences the anniversaries differently but I understand how challenging it is. Do you have any activities that you do to honor his life?
  7. Marie M

    Taboo Grief

    I am doing pretty well right now. I started a job that allows me to work from home, which is helpful. A week ago was the ex who committed suicide's birthday so that was a little hard. My fiance was really supportive, though. How are you?
  8. sadbluebird

    Taboo Grief

    Hi Marie, I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. It does indeed feel rotten to not receive the type support that we each crave. I understand the hurt and confusion of estrangement as I have had a difficult time with family relationship after my mom died last year. It’s so hard to get your mind around and very lonely. I just joined this group and think it may be a place to boost the feeling of connection. You can reach out to me in chat if that helps.
  9. LBrown

    Taboo Grief

    Just wanted to reach out and see how you are doing? Life is still a roller coaster. Take care.
  10. Marie M

    Taboo Grief

    Thank you. I am so sorry about what you're going through. I hope your daughter comes around. I feel like it is helpful to have understanding people to talk to. You can reach out to me as well ♡
  11. LBrown

    Taboo Grief

    Marie, First of all, you have my deepest sympathies on your losses. I’m sorry if people have made you feel like your grief is unacceptable, because each person’s grief is personal. No one should judge you for the feelings that you have in your heart for someone you that you had a relationship with in the past. There may be some reason that you still carry a piece of the in your heart even though they are an ex. Not all relationships are meant to work out and it doesn’t mean that because they end it is a negative thing. You can still be friends or care about your ex. I know it is possible
  12. The deep pit. It's real. I try to live my life for Jesus every day and, still, sometimes that pit ends up under my feet. I fall. I fall hard. All I can think about is the life I may have had had my mother lived. I look at my life now and think, there's no way I would be here right now if she were still alive. I never would have traveled. I never would have moved 2500 miles away. The awful things that have happened in my life since she's been gone would have never happened. Alcohol would not have become my companion when days are hard. Alcohol is full of lies and I don't know how to
  13. Hi all, We have been looking for a partner that matches our needs of the community. We have started to work with www.chosingtherapy.com. They can help people world wide. They are a group of therapists who can meet with you and help you walk your grief journey. This is what they are offering: We understand that grief and loss are difficult. At Choosing Therapy (directory.choosingtherapy.com), we also know that therapy can help. We offer free consultations, to match you to a therapist within our practice who is experienced in the type of grief and loss you are experiencing. Please go v
  14. I wonder if anyone here has experienced grief that felt like it was unacceptable to others? Both of the guys I dated in high school died in unrelated, tragic ways. When I experienced loss the first time, he died of cancer. I was almost 19. Some people struggled with understanding my grief. He was an ex boyfriend. The relationship I had at the time ended. Then we had an on and off relationship for years. I met my first husband. Less than 2 months after my wedding the other ex boyfriend died of suicide. This grief was also unacceptable. I am in a better place, all around. I moved away
  15. Hi. I just discovered this site. Yes, I have felt "less than" because of not being able to meet society's expectations for grief. I moved away from my home town a few years ago, and it was the best decision I ever made. It was a small town near a big city. Most of the people I went to high school with still live there. Both of the guys I dated in high school died in tragic, unrelated ways. I felt like I was surrounded by people who either pitied me or looked down on me. The first ex boyfriend died of cancer during my first year of college. The second ex boyfriend died of suicide less than
  16. Darlene13

    The Dark Pit

    @Rayelle. I'm so sorry the last 2 years have been such a tough time for you. I'm glad you found your way here...I've only been here a few weeks but it helps to know other people understand and care. You've had a lot to deal with in a short time...just want you to know I'm sending you hugs and I'll be praying for you to beat the cancer and find your way through this. I lost my husband of 30 yrs a month ago tomorrow and I am a pretty big mess tonight. I wish I knew more helpful things to say but I have a lot of sympathy for where you are, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to reac
  17. Rayelle

    The Dark Pit

    I am new here. Just discovered this site, after looking for something online that is not connected to social media. My story is this. Met my husband of 38 years and 15 days on March 3, 1980. He died suddenly of a heart event on March 18, 2018. On June 24, 2020, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. On August 17, 2020 my mother died. I have no children. I feel so utterly alone. Covid has complicated this to such a degree, I sometimes feel challenged to simply breathe. I want to be the person who is strong, I feel weak. I want to be the person who understands how to cope, I am not. I don
  18. Art Thebes

    The Dark Pit

    The pit is a yawning expanse, of never ending, all encompassing, and growing maw of darkness. I teeter on the edge; allowing my toes to be lapped at, by the black waters of its cool, infinite abyss... do I lean forward, and fall in? or do I step back? or am I just lost, barely maintaining my balance on the razor's edge of this piece of black obsidian, that is naught but an island in the midst of this chaotic maelstrom; ever growing, ever threating to swallow me whole...
  19. Art Thebes

    The Dark Pit

    I read your posts, and I grieve with you. I have buried my entire family. I have only one person, of whom, is still alive; however, my ability to reach the thousand plus miles to make contact, is nigh on impossible. They are always on trips. Having fun. Having a life. I have not the experiences that many have had. I have buried a mother, a father, my grandparents… hell, I got a letter one day, to lay an aunt to rest, that I had no idea that she existed. I was married once before, lost a child in the throes of their birth. And her mother shortly thereafter. But that was 25+ years ago…
  20. MSwett72

    The Dark Pit

    I can relate to how you feel Joy as my Dad passed a month ago tomorrow. He was the best Dad and Grandfather, just a wonderful person in general and too young to pass. I find myself questioning my faith, and I don't want to because my Dad never did and all my life talked about it with me. But I find the same feelings sometimes I am okay if I am occupied doing something else. Other times the crying is endless and so painful and seems nothing helps. I started counseling today, well did the intake so hopefully next week. It doesn't help it is over Zoom, but learning to deal with that as well. My p
  21. I have intense feeling that i abandoned him , because i didn’t visit him enough . even though , it probably wasnt safe( he had cancer , and i have low immunity, meaning i get sick a lot) . but i hate the last thing i said to him was a year ago . i only got to visit him once , when he first got sick . i hate myself for it .
  22. Joy- HUGS. Yep you have it about right. Limbo land is really really hard. Others here understand. I am glad you have found the Sudden/Violent Death in the family board. People there will understand. Kelly
  23. I find I'm at odds with myself going back and forth between good grieving where as I'm calm and stable. Then the bad grieving is really bad where I'm crying constantly, feeling a hatred for God, going through spiritual battle curious of what is facts,myth, and everything in between. Loss of a partner due to a murder or any traumatic death is like living hell to the survivor. It's neverending worry,anger,guilt,and a hint of happiness since it's hard to get better when the cases are unsolved. The longer this persist the longer my pain and step towards healing. So many unanswered questions
  24. I don't think that this was done so that it is hidden away. I think it was more of a way for those who are having a harder time dealing with things to have a place where the subject stays true to the feelings of darkness and the pain that lingers. Everyone is always welcome to post in any of the forums.
  25. I don't mind so much having this circle here, but you have a point. We're all grieving in our own way and at our own pace. Separating those in "the dark pit" from others can be seen as a form of "less than" as if we're here so we don't bother other members. Come to think of it, that's kind of what society does. I suppose the question could be, "Why not put the positive thinkers in a separate circle too?" Still having read the last couple of increasingly angry interactions on the regular forum, I can live with a separate circle. OTOH, as I recall, this circle was created because @HPB
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