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Fresh, new, raw grief is all encompassing. Come here to help you navigate this new journey you are on in life.
  1. What's new in this club
  2. I am so sorry for your loss and can relate totally to what you are saying. My husband of almost 34 years passed April 26 and I know that empty feeling you have inside-it doesn't go away. Like you, a caretaker for the last 15 years and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even with all of his health issues, he still tried to remain positive and still encourage me. Which in turn, I kept telling him to hang in there for me and our little fur baby. Many days he would say he was hanging on for us but didn't know how much longer he could deal with the suffering. Hated hearing the part of h
  3. Omw92

    I'm not that strong

    Sorry for your loss. I loss my gran on 7/24/21 and there is never a day that I don’t miss her. Sometimes I call her home number because we use to talk daily. Don’t really know what to say other than I can relate.
  4. annie123

    Lost my 11 yr old son 3/25/21

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. My thoughts and prayers are with you. May God comfort you.
  5. Recently lost my son in an unexpected traumatic event at the beach. It’s been very hard I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. My husband my daughter and I witnessed his accidental choking and could not save him. He was without oxygen for too long and was declared brain dead. I’ve been in denial and have been feeling a lot of guilt and have been questioning why everyday. It’s been a nonstop cycle. He was always the comedian and the life of the party. He was the main character in everyone’s life he came across. It makes it hard to believe this is real because the main character doesn’t die. He w
  6. My Big Mo

    Guilt and grief-please reply

    My husband of 40 years passed away on April 2, 2021 after a 18 month long terminal illness. He had several hospital stays that were very traumatic-a perfectly normal person got hospital induced dementia that took quite a while to bounce back from. In the last month of his life, doctors were very anxious for him to go back to the hospital to help balance out his fluid levels-he did not want to go so we started the tests outpatient. He was very weak and collapsed and died at our front door when we got back from his last ultrasound. Not a moment goes by that I don't think-"what if..." fill in the
  7. Hello all, I am new to this site; I am looking for ways to help me through the grieving process of losing my dad. I unexpectedly lost my father December 19, 2020. I have been filled with grief, pain, sadness, anger, and fear since he took his own life 4 months ago. My father struggled with mental illness for most of his life. My father’s side of the family, has struggled with mental illness most of their lives as well. My father’s father (my grandfather) took his own life (intentional death by police shooting) when his children were young, between the ages of 6-12 years old. My father, h
  8. I keep waking up early and the emotions hit me hard. We got my dads Ashe she the other day and that was a huge trigger. I felt like I did something wrong by letting them cremate him. When I saw him at the hospital, I had this intense urge to yell at the doctor and tell them they had to done enough. To come fix him. When I got his ashes, it almost felt the same. I was almost his caregiver, and he looked to me to help. He asked me for help when he wasn’t feeling well and I did everything I thought was right at that moment but I didn’t help him like he wanted. I keep going back and wondering what
  9. Yorkshirelass

    I'm not that strong

    Thank you, I pray you have that relationship. My gran passed away last Thursday morning and the grief ebbs and flows, sometimes I'm calm and I pray , other times I burst. What a massive loss, we're all broken. May god bless her soul and look after her x
  10. Raisha

    I'm not that strong

    How beautiful your relationship must be with her to feel so deeply. I'm sorry for your sadness and your loss. Sending you a hug and letting you know I appreciate what you have shared. It gives me inspiration to how it may be possible to have such a connection with my one year old granddaughter.
  11. Hello Dear Ones, My mother passed away on January 15th, 2021 after battling with cancer for 30 days. It was very quick and although I am very grateful for having some time to say goodbye, the shock of the situation is still with me. The reason I joined this forum is to be in a safe place with others, who have also lost their loved ones. I feel a real need right now for shared humanity. A loved one dying is an experience that I have not experienced before. Thank you for creating this group, being a member of this group and being a place that hopefully I can find some healing in as I bea
  12. Yorkshirelass

    I'm not that strong

    I was googling what to do to feel better to get past this not to feel alone and I found this group. I might not make sense, I feel a bit disoriented these days, can't remember stuff. My gran is dying, I'm just waiting to get that call. I'm in Germany so can't even be home because of this crappy situation with Covid. They've given her days, and I'm here alone trying to deal with this and accept it but I don't think I'm that strong, sometimes I'm ok I think of all the memories we've made and how she's lived a great life , a long life, my gran's 98, and ppl say yeh but it's exepcted at that
  13. Your right you can’t quit for them! I do wish I had at least tried to get her to take a lung cancer test, you could ask your father. It might have helped! I do feel better after I cry not something I like to do but after awhile I can’t help it. I am putting fun pictures on my phone to have anywhere and am making a photo album of her and the two of us during happy times. I hope to look at it during those sad times which right now happen at least three times a day! We lost our son 12 years ago and it still hurts but not as much as my wife because it is still a very tender wound to my heart!
  14. Dear Lee. I was a smoker as well, and I quit half year ago. Luckily I am still young (29) and I hope that my body will clear out soon. Cigarettes are really hard addictions. My father is smoker for at least 30 years and I must say that I am very concerned about him. Especially after my sister died he started smoking even more. I sort of understand him, simply because loss of a child is the worst thing anyone can go through, and then cigarettes give you this comfort. It's hard. We tried to convince him so many times to stop, but he just does not listen. Sometimes I think cigarettes will kill hi
  15. I believe in my heart she is in heaven! I know she is in perfect health and much happier now. I look forward to seeing her again! I hope she can forgive me for all the bad decisions I made while taking care of her! We both believe when it’s your time to go you go! She believed that and continued to smoke for years after I quit. I regret not convincing her to quit! GOD said it was her time to go home and nothing would change that! I think GOD protects us from the pain and emotions of a situation like your sisters. That’s just how I feel. My faith in Jesus will get me through this
  16. Dear Lee. Yes... That is something I think about often as well. I think how she felt in those moments when the car drifted down the hill and what were her last thoughts. Was she afraid, did she know her life is going to end and did she feel pain. I wonder a lot about where is she now and I am praying that once my time comes I will see her again. My other youngest sister was in the car as well, luckily she survived but she is living with awful mental scars seeing her sister pass away right in from of her. I don't know.... Loosing someone you love is the worst pain there is. That's why I hope th
  17. Thank you! I’m sorry to hear about your sister. I’m trying to look forward but my mind keeps looking back on the pain she went through! I’m praying for help!
  18. Dear Lee... That must be hard. I am so so sorry you are going through this. You are one kind soul being there for your wife when she needed it the most. I lost my sister of age 27 in a car accident in last July and only thing that keeps me going is believing that there is something beyond this life, someplace even better where we meet again with the ones we love. This life is too short for all the love we have for our family. I hope you can find beauty in something and manage to live the best you can with this. I wish you all the best, Dalila
  19. She was diagnosed with lung cancer February 2020. She passed this February 9th! I knew it would be hard without her but it’s 100 times worse! We were married almost 49 years and then she was gone and now I’m alone. It makes me feel better knowing she is not suffering anymore, cancer was very hard on her. But there are too many times in the day when I feel empty inside. I have been her caregiver since a devastating stroke 11 years ago and was very proud to take care of her. Funny now I can’t even take care of myself! Sorry for my rambling.
  20. Two years ago, I lost my mother to cancer. At the time I was only 11, and I had no idea how to deal with it. I wholed up in my room, piled my bed with stuffed animals, and just watched TV for hours. I did this for months, and I just sat there in this dark pit of despair. Now, I still don’t know how to deal with this. I have to go to school now (it was during the summer before), and I have to do all my work for school. Still, every chance I can I lock the door to my room, and pull out the stuffed animals. The pain comes in waves, washing over me over and over again, until I feel like it’s drown
  21. juslovly

    Who am I now

    Thank you so much.
  22. kay TX

    Who am I now

    Very sorry for your loss!
  23. kay TX

    Broken Heart

    Very sorry for your loss. For those of us who have been there know very well what the word 'pain' truly means.
  24. annie123

    Broken Heart

    So sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 43 years in October 2020. So heartbreaking. I feel lost without him.
  25. juslovly

    Who am I now

    Hello, I feel your pain and grief. I just learned of this site and I wanted some answers about does it ever get better. My husband was violently murdered 1/14/21. This pain is indescribable,. I'm having his memorial service on 2/2/21, and I pray that I get through this. I can relate when you are just doing normal stuff, anything...and you burst out in tears. I'm angry, sad, hurt and confused. I came here to try to just find a connection because I feel nobody else understands. My days have been a blur, sure I have work (working from home), but that is a minimal distraction when everything remin
  26. Dalila

    My brother

    Dear,I am so sorry to hear this. I lost my sister aged 27 in a car accident on 28th July 2020. My family went through hell as well. I have to say that time will bring some relief... But it would be a lie if I say it will be a big relief.. It is truly such a hard thing to go through. I had the same feelings with God and faith... And I questioned everything. I still do. I live day by day slowly gathering strength to see some future. My parents... Damn... Ifeel so bad for them. I am not a parent yet but I know that theirs love for a child is greatest. I had another, youngest sister in

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