Of all of the ridiculous things that keeps going through my head, it's the nagging thought that I should get a black widow spider tattoo. I have two loves. The first died 7 years ago. We had been together over 3.5 years. And, of course, I thought I would never love anyone again. We were still in the teen-aged years of our relationship. We still had stories that surprised each other. How I grieved the loss of the years we would never have. Then, quite by accident, I fell in love again. And it was even better. I would never say that to the first's family, but it was. On August 11,2021, the second one died. Very suddenly and after less than 3 years together. And I'm shattered. Utterly shattered. And the craziest thought that runs through my head is that I should tattoo a black widow spider on me. I kill my loved ones. When they loved me, they died. I don't want a spider tattoo, but it feel like i need to, and I don't know why. Is it a way to remind myself every day that I think I should never love again? Even though, rationally, that doesn't make sense. Is it a warning to others. Whoever sees that tattoo and asks. And then they will be warned. At your own risk... beware.