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That time of year



Well its that time of year. It was almost a year ago that DH passed away. The anniversary of his fall, I just couldn't stop thinking about it. In a few days is our wedding anniversary. Then 8 days later will be one year since he died. I've been dreaming more about him. At least these are not nightmares like some have been. These are more pleasant, more relaxing, more forgiving, and more loving. I'm not sure if its an okay to move on, or what, but I feel better in some ways than I did before. But the loss of him still hurts. I still talk to his picture. Though I admit in one dream he was in bed beside me, and when I went to hold him he just disintegrated in my arms. I woke myself up cry out loud "that's not fair". So I still miss him terribly. 

And I still haven't taken my wedding ring off. I just don't want to. I guess that's what I have to say, I don't want to take it off. I want to still be married to him. I don't want to be without him.

But I am and I know that. I'm not in denial over his passing.

I just still miss him.



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