Here in Texas we've just survived a set of  snow and ice storms. Its the worse weather we've had in decades. We even broke records for snow (7" here), ice, and 6 days (144 hours) of weather 32 or below. I've fared okay, the house is okay, the dogs are okay. Technically I should be fine. Except I've been missing Bill so much. Covid and social distancing has had its own problems. But I realize how close I am to an edge spending a week without being around anybody, I feel like its breaking me.

I can't even watch TV shows that are too sad, have a funeral, have a memorial - I end up in tears. This is a loneliness I haven't figured out how to manage. I've never been this lonely before. Seeing people, talking to people matters so much more than I realize. Something, anything that let's me know I'm not alone. I don't need a lot of people, DH and I have always been private people, so I'm not used to having a lot of people around me. But I need some people!

I'm sitting here crying as I write this. I know next week will be better. My assistant will be back, I'll get out of the house and go exercise (private session), and I might even be meeting someone new. Because of the storm I spent a lot of time online, and where I live has a Facebook page that has been a lifeline. One of the ladies and I got texting, she lives near me and is hoping to come over tomorrow. I don't know her, at least not yet. But just meeting someone, a real live person is something right now.

I feel like I'm getting desperate for company. That worries me because I don't want to make a bad decision because of desperation. I know that sound horrible, kind of paranoid, but its something I have to be aware of.

For some reason recently there have been people asking to be my friend on Facebook. I don't know them, they've mainly been guys and some have been aggressive. One is definitely looking for a wife, I'm not interested. The other one has been demanding! I don't know these guys. So I'm trying to be cautious. That's why I'm worried about me being desperate for company.

I don't know if I know how to handle this loneliness.