This is still my year of first. And this first Christmas has been hard. Last year was the first time DH wanted an Xmas tree. I remember us going out, finding a lit artificial tree, and a box of ornaments, everything we needed for a tree. Its been hard to decorate for Xmas this year. A part of me feels almost a betrayal to him to decorate without him, to celebrate without him. I'm trying to enjoy the holiday, but its not easy. I know that for Xmas I can't be here in our house. I just can't. I'm even getting out of town with a friend just because I can't celebrate Xmas here just by myself. I know its not a betrayal, and I have to go on and do something, but this one is the first and that makes it the hardest.
I'll be okay, and I remind myself I'll be okay. It'll just take time.