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The holidays...


Lost soul08

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No one could ever prepare you for your first holiday without your loved ones. This year is expecially hard because I lost my grandfather and my fiance on the same day. I'm trying to grieve one loved one at a time and I'm taking my fiance passing the hardest at this point because it is Christmas. I spent a beautiful Christmas Eve with his family they showered me with very sentimental gifts and it was very emotional. I know we lit off biodegradable lights for him yesterday and he gave us so many signs there was orbs in the videos, one of the first lights that I sent off to Heaven turned into what looked like a big bright moon and the moon was our favorite things to look at! Then when I let off a light at his grave site while playing what was going to be our wedding song There is a beautiful orb in the video it looks like a green butterfly, green was his favorite color. At first, the light didn't want to send off and you can see in the video that he comes racing over to help me and then shortly after the light went into the sky. It was beautiful. Today is Christmas and I feel a huge hole in my heart. I'm going to go to his grave and visit him today. I just want to be with him. I'm trying not to neglect my other family that is here but it's so hard to be okay right now. I just keep thinking about how eventually I have to get back into work, the New Year, Valentine's Day and all of the holidays that follow. I try to take things one second at a time instead of think of the future but when the holidays come up it's hard to do so. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to concentrate on work or anything else but I guess what I have to do is just keep taking things 1 minute or 1 second at a time but damn no one could prepare you for something like this expecially the holidays. Halloween was his favorite holiday so next Halloween I'm going to do something really special in his honor. Just trying to make it through the rest of this Christmas....

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