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Night time..


Lost soul08

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Nighttime seems to be the worst for me. We would spend a lot of time together in the evening because he worked hard all day long and I was able to work from home. We made the most out of every minute we could spend together. So, I feel especially alone at night. His Cemetery where he rests is less than 5 minutes from my house so I spend a lot of time there but I know he wouldn't want me there late at night so when I come home I just feel empty. I have thousands of videos, pictures, letters, cards throughout the years and little surprises from him. I was able to look at them at first to help but now I just can't. I spend my nights lighting candles for him and hoping for a message or a sign. Sometimes I do get them especially the first week but it seems like it's taking awhile for me to get another message or I'm just overthinking it so much that I missed a sign or symbol that he could be leaving and he said he would always protect me and always watch over me even if he passed so I know he is still here with me in spirit, that helps. He always has looked after me practically our whole life. The nicest man I have ever known . To lie awake every night and torment myself about what could have been and rehashing all of the memories is unbearable. I guess what I'm saying is, insomnia is a terrible thing.

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