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Baby's Heart

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About this blog

A Journal of Life and Life after Grief.

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Madness of Abuse and Death, The: Part 2

My Father died of heart failure; a violent seizing of the heart. But it was the madness that brought him to that end. I was unaware when he died; but when I found out, I plummeted into what seemed like a whole different world; a nightmare of unreality. Suddenly, Life became Death to me; with an all-consuming hunger not yet satisfied to return to Life again. I wonder now if that is what madness was like to him, this unreality. To a man who loves his family; seeing it disintegrate into Us vs. Them


TLN in Honoring the Dead

Good Man, A

There are times when I want to say, No, Father is not dead; he's simply gone on a long journey--but he's coming back. There are times when I cry and think surely Father will hear and come; that he will rise at the sound of his Baby's wailing, hold me to his heart and all would be well again. This thought comforts me for a time; the thought of him holding me high like when I was a baby; his eyes beaming up at me, his precious little daughter. But that is just a dream, like having an imaginary Fri


TLN in Honoring the Dead

He Called Me Baby

My Father and I were like two peas in a pod. He called me Baby. His Baby. I knew no one else like him; there were times growing up when I was terrified of him; but as I grew I came to know his love, and knew I could never do anything that would make him stop loving me. Although everyone I knew (aside from a very small handful) found him objectionable, even his own family; he was my best friend. I never understood why people disliked him so much. Most of them have gone on their way; they have mov


TLN in Honoring the Dead

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