Well its that time of year. It was almost a year ago that DH passed away. The anniversary of his fall, I just couldn't stop thinking about it. In a few days is our wedding anniversary. Then 8 days later will be one year since he died. I've been dreaming more about him. At least these are not nightmares like some have been. These are more pleasant, more relaxing, more forgiving, and more loving. I'm not sure if its an okay to move on, or what, but I feel better in some ways than I did before. But
Its March and I'm dreading this month and next. This is the year anniversary of my DH fall, the fall that began his quick and untimely demise. Its like I feel it more now. The memories come back, during the day, and at night in my dreams. Its more like a slow moving nightmare than just a dream. It hits me, at all the wrong times. Its like suddenly a memory just flits across, unbidden, whether I want it or not. I wondered how I would feel. How I would take this time.
The first year, the year
Here in Texas we've just survived a set of snow and ice storms. Its the worse weather we've had in decades. We even broke records for snow (7" here), ice, and 6 days (144 hours) of weather 32 or below. I've fared okay, the house is okay, the dogs are okay. Technically I should be fine. Except I've been missing Bill so much. Covid and social distancing has had its own problems. But I realize how close I am to an edge spending a week without being around anybody, I feel like its breaking me.
This is still my year of first. And this first Christmas has been hard. Last year was the first time DH wanted an Xmas tree. I remember us going out, finding a lit artificial tree, and a box of ornaments, everything we needed for a tree. Its been hard to decorate for Xmas this year. A part of me feels almost a betrayal to him to decorate without him, to celebrate without him. I'm trying to enjoy the holiday, but its not easy. I know that for Xmas I can't be here in our house. I just can't. I'm e