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Wirefish's grief blog

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About this blog

My husband of 27 years died in early September 2020 after 5.5 years of fighting stage 4 adrenal cortical carcinoma (ACC). I was his primary and often sole care giver. He died at home under hospice. I need a place to record some thoughts and maybe get feedback.

Entries in this blog

10 am, 9 Nov 2020

I’m still occasionally vaguely suicidal. It’s not often, it’s not actionable, and I do talk to my therapist about it. I think this means I’m not past the early grief stage yet.  That’s ok. I’m not in a rush. The last 5 years have been without any kind of road map, so why should that change? This is the point when I’m grateful that I’m non-theist pagan. I think I’d die of misery if I thought that this whole thing was part of some sadistic higher power’s “great plan” for me and my h


Wirefish1 in Mental health

8 Nov 2020

I've been wondering just how long I've been living through various types of grief since the cancer diagnosis in Feb 2015. There's the obvious "my partner died" grief that's the newest. There was the end-game grief after he washed out of the trial drugs because the tumor had entered the inferior vena cava and formed a thrombosis. That was partially anticipatory grief, but also loss of the hopes and possibilities for debulking the tumor or surviving 'til CRISPR, There was the initia


Wirefish1 in care-giving

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