Forgiveness is always something that I have struggled with. I tend to dwell on things to the point of nearly complete immersion. But today I read something and it made me realize that the person I am hurting most by not forgiving others is myself. I allow situations to consume so much of my energy. I allow the negative emotions to eat away at me and really the person I am hurting the most is myself. So today, I am choosing to forgive. Not forget but forgive. I am going to try and let go
Today is a new day. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. Today is one of those days where I can be happy. I don’t have to work and I can just enjoy the day. Today I am not going to fret and worry over things I cannot change. I am going to give myself some grace and just be me. No matter what happens next........for today I choose happiness.
Lately, I have been pondering if I have been so desperate for my life to return to normal that I have created something in my mind and heart that isn’t truly there. I created this perfect little world in my mind but rather than having a solid foundation as I thought it would........it turns out to be severely flawed. I know that invariably due to the flawed nature of the human race as a whole that everything has some flaws. But how many flaws can exists before it all crumbles? Is there re
In a life where nothing is promised or certain, how do you learn to trust anyone or anything again? I am often too trusting and too naive for my own good. I am honest to a fault. I believe in the good in people. I believe they will tell me the truth. So when they don’t I am left with a level of uncertainty that I don’t know how to process or overcome. The truth is a precious thing and when one twists it...........it hurts so badly. Forgiving is a process.......now where to start?
There are so many days where I feel grief has clouded my judgement. My need to feel acceptance and love trumps my common sense. I know deep down that my course may not be the right one but I keep heading down the path nonetheless. I am sure my therapist and nearly everyone else would tell me I am acting rashly and irrationally. So this begs the question.......why? I feel incomplete on my own. Often I feel like I am empty. I guess I am willing to except a half life built upon half trut
Last year at this time, I was excited to set up my new classroom. Ryan and Cadie helped me hall things in and make it mine. Ryan was so proud of me because I had worked long and hard to get a classroom of my own as opposed to sharing one with another teacher.
This year I am facing the start of a year that is nearly impossible. Special education students for the most part are hands on and need support to be successful. How can one do that through distance learning? I am also wi
Today is not the day where I am going to be dry eyed and smiling. It is not the day where I don’t miss Ryan. It is not the day I have someone to share my grief with. It is not the day for watching TV because concentrating on anything is just too hard.
Today is a day for tears. It is a day for loneliness. It is a day for introspection. It is a day for wishing like hell it had been me instead.
I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me. I feel sorry enough for myself........anything extra just pushes me over the edge. Why do I feel sorry for myself? Let me count the ways.....
I lost my best friend. I lost the one person that kept my world from spinning out of control.
I am now a single parent. Which is 10 times harder than having someone to help you.
I live in uncertainty daily. I hate the feeling that so much is out of my control.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to return to a life where I actually had good days again. There are some days where the world crashes down around me and I feel like giving up. There are days that seem designed to drive me crazy. Then there are days where I miss Ryan so much that it is physically painful. The question is when will I have a good day again? Next week, next month, next year or possibly never? I have almost given up hope of actually being happy again. There are m
Even though I feel like giving up more days than not, I keep going day after day. I guess my first thought is my daughter and the need to create a will so that she is taken care of.
My next reason is that I met a friend online who is funny, makes me laugh and roll my eyes more than I have in the last 7 months. Lately, aside from spending time with my daughter and niece, these conversations are the only thing that has brought me a small modicum of comfort and perhaps even happines
Why me is one of the things I ask myself daily. Is there some reason why I have to go through all of this? Losing my husband, my hot water heater dying the same day, my shower door leaking copiously a few days later, a grieving child who lashes out at me because I am the only one near, my lawn mower dying, losing several chickens, & having to put one of our dogs down. So far the last 7 months have been more than challenging. Each day I wake up and ask myself, “What depressing and awful