There has been time since losing you mom that I am moving forward.  Moving forward, but not on from losing you.  Not because I want to but because I know that you wouldn't want me to be stuck in life after losing you.

And in moving forward, I am experiencing joy again.  At first, I would feel incredibly guilty for being happy when I remember that I have lost you.  But I know this is what you would have wanted for me.  And then I grieve for not being able to share these moments and milestones of happiness with you.  You would have been so excited, so proud of me.  

So I have accepted that I will have both and making space for both.  I will be happy while grieving you and I will grieve when I experience joy without you.