Dear Aidan,
I love you. Those were the three consistent words that you would tell me. Whenever you would say them your voice would sound as though a soft, serious tone, yet your face would have a mixed expression of pure happiness and a hint of sadness. I love you is something that everyone grew up with yet I wonder how many people actually know what it means; how it feels. Whenever I saw you say those words I felt a bit of envy because I could tell that you knew what they meant. Yet, I have realized that you were saying them to me, you felt those words for me. Though, when I would say it to you it was purely out of instinct, I did not know what those words meant or if I felt them towards you and I still don’t. I want to see if others know what it means, I want them to tell me how it feels, I want to see people who have that feeling. Then I want to find it for myself so I can know how you felt when you told me I love you.

When I was with you though, I felt something, like butterflies in my stomach making happy clouds in my brain. When you left I kept trying to find the feeling that I had with you. It was a good feeling that I wanted back so I tried to date someone that reminded me of you. His name was Kalib and he was one of the most kindest guys I have ever met but when he said he loved me he did not have the same expression as you and I did not have the same feeling with him as I did with you. Though I tried to ignore it because I felt as though he needed me and that was the only thing getting me up in the morning. After my father passed though, I did break up with him because I felt as if he couldn’t understand my grief and I didn’t want to tell him about you. So I told him that it was because of school and that it was not him it was me. It was true I had no time with school and it was me, he had lost me from the beginning and that was not his fault. I just simply still had feelings for another person that he could not change.

Speaking of which, I write these letters for you which you know but I also post them on a site that is supposed to help me and others with their feelings of grief. I categorize these letters as “Loss of a Soulmate” and I title them “Letters to a Soulmate”. I do believe that you are my soulmate whether you are here with me or not and although I do not know my feelings toward you, I know that you made me happy, confident and all together a better person. I will never be able to find anyone else like you. You never made me doubt myself, you made me feel safe, I could easily vent to you when people were giving me a hard time and I would be there for you any time, any where. You are with no doubt my soulmate for life.

I miss you, and I can’t wait until the day we meet again and you read the letters I write to you.