Connor,

Hi buddy, I haven't written in a couple days. I just wanted to see if it made me feel better not to write.  It didn't!  So here I am again.  Today we received a copy of your death certificate.  I don't know why but it just made me feel so empty.  What it said is "accidental overdose due to fentanyl".  I was pretty sure this is what it would say--so why do I feel your loss today like it was just yesterday?  I realized yesterday that I am constantly looking for you when I drive around town.  I have no idea why.  yes I know you are gone so why would I see you.  I just wish I could understand myself.  So dad and I have talked and we are planning to do something in your name--like a scholarship.  I will never forget you but I want to make sure some good comes of this.  I know you wanted to do a youth outreach but ??not sure there is that kind of money.  I just miss you so much every day and it seems neverending.  I do plan to go in your room for the first time tonight and talk with you.  I haven't done that so im thinking it might help .  Really how much worse could it be?  We continue to play with snoop and take him on walks.  The other day he kept barking at the wall and wagging his tail like mad.  I am sure it was you visiting him.  He loves you so much.  I did read some articles about overdose death and it did reassure me that you did  not suffer.  I was so upset thinking you were suffering and I wasn't there for you.  So many weird things go through my mind throughout the day.  I just wish I could shut my brain off.  I feel like a hamster on a wheel--this just will not end.  Always remember how much I love and miss you.

Love   MOM