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My Journey

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About this blog

Musings from my grieving heart and mind

Entries in this blog

It Feels Like My Ex’s Friends Screwed Me

Very frustrated and betrayed but do not want to believe the worst. But it has been a year since my ex’s suicide and his friends wanted to get the house cleaned professionally right afterwards so they could go to the house and pack everything and sell things and salvage stuff. Nothing had anything to do with me but I had to be the one to make a claim through the house, since he and I were the ones who owned it and therefore had the insurance to make a claim. I said I would, but I could not take c


Mianko471 in Ex Files

Trying to be Busy

So i’m Trying to stay busy. Going to counseling once a week lately, trying to go out by myself at least once a week other than that as well. I’ve been trying to take better care in how i dress and make myself up for the day. The past couple outings to the grocery store, i was approached by men who wanted to engage in conversation and pursue more. It is flattering a bit, and a little startling. It has been a while since i was approached in such a manner and i thought i had aged past that time in


Mianko471 in Blog

Thinking About my Ex

Just some random thoughts going through my head these days.  One of my recent losses was my ex-fiancée one year and one day ago today (10-15-2020) due to suicide, but I am sure cocaine and heroin were involved and exacerbated his inner demons lying just below the surface. I hope we all find peace here and do not allow the what-ifs to tear us down.  We are all trying to survive this experience called life the best we can and try to live it the best we can. I just wish we could all


Mianko471 in Thoughts

Feeling reticent but I need to change

Hello there. I have been actively avoiding feeling and reflecting out of wanting to avoid the unbearable pain that such activities lead to. However, I cannot continue this behavior, I know this. Not only is it not helping me heal and causing me to simply wallow and grow stagnant, I am burdening and hurting the ones I love, and I need to stop this selfish behavior.  Before we continue, I wish to get this out of the way. **TRIGGER  WARNINGS BELOW** Some background on me - I am naturally


Mianko471 in My Introduction

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