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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  1. Yesterday
  2. About a year ago, my girlfriend's younger sister was lost to an overdose. This has been a living nightmare for their family. I have done everything I can to be there for my girlfriend, who we can call "J". It seemed at the time that it happened, when there were arrangements and funerals, that I was able to be there for J and provide just the right support she needed. I have however noticed over the past year that she hardly talks about this loss or expresses sadness, which i I know she must be feeling. Now that we approach a year, she seems to be full of anger...I try to talk to and comfort her but we are arguing so much, and she is cursing at me and reacting in verbally aggressive ways that are not true to her nature. I have not experienced a loss like this. I want to be there for her, i try to understand and imagine how she may be feeling. What can I do to be more understanding and help her through this time? I fear our relationship will end if we cannot find a way through this time together, and this is my future wife. I know this is not the typical posting here, but I am desperate and just want to understand what I can do for her, if anything. Thank you so much.
  3. Don't know what to say

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2507829/You-really-CAN-die-broken-heart-Surviving-spouses-66-higher-risk-dying-months-partners-death.html
  4. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wendy, God Bless as you faced another birthday...and God Bless Ricky and all the folks he loves...nobody can take that away. Happy Heavenly Birthday Ricky. I am glad that your family came together in his name.
  5. Don't know what to say

    It's not that I don't believe it's possible to get through it. I'm sure it is. Everyone says people have been losing soulmates for thousands of years and they made it. And that's true too. But not everyone does. The risk of death for a widowed person in the three years following the death of a spouse is something like double the average rate. For those of us under 40 it's even higher. I just can't convince myself that figuring out how to exist in some half-life for another 30 years is worth it
  6. True, most of us are more inclined towards fiction. I used to read fictitious books as a way of escaping reality and then later on in life, for entertainment. As I have gotten older, I'm more driven for truth seeking. Especially more so, with my loss. My perceptions of life have changed. I have changed. I have been gaining more wisdom ( I think), on why we are here and how this life we are given, is really supposed to operate.We make agreements with other souls for our life experience here. Our souls each have goals, lessons we want to learn, to benefit our souls growth, which also benefit our soul family. We are here to learn and to teach. When our goals are met, we have our physical death, which we pre-determine, just for the experience, and return to our original home in the afterlife. When we are born into this life, we have no memory of our life in the afterlife and no memory of our pre-birth plan. The human minds we have here are not capable of retaining that information. Our life in the afterlife and our pre-birth plan is erased. There would be nothing here to learn if we already had all the information.Thank goodness for mediums, people who have experienced NDE's and those who use their spiritual gifts of insight outside of mediumship to learn past life regression techniques. Scientists are also now willing to accept there is more outside this earth than what is only tangible here. It is all part of the spiritual awakening going on currently. This earth life certainly needs this kind of shake up. I still read the random fiction, just for the pure pleasure of reading.
  7. Don't know what to say

    I miss them too. The little things are the big things. I'm haunted by them every minute.
  8. ''What Dreams May Come'' by Richard Matheson

    It's EXACTLY how it's described in the book! It probably didn't come across in my description because I tried to summarise 300 pages in a few sentences, but I believe you must have read many books among those that the author used. This different level is what I was referring to when writing about hell, only it was presented as a very painful place to be both in the book and the movie. Another detail is that there is a determined moment to die for everyone in the book, for the character's wife being at 72 years of age. She commits suicide at 48, so she's destined to spend 24 years in this different level until being able to go heaven. Perhaps that's what you meant by ''healing''. And reincarnation definitely happens with a karmic debt, which is rathe expressed as a difficulty related to the way of suicide rather than the experience bringing you to it: the woman overdoses on sleeping pills, so when reincarnated in India she develops a disease that doesn't let her sleep. However, there's always the artistic licence to consider. Your post made me think that I might need to read more books about the afterlife. Contrarily to you, I felt more comfortable with a fiction book -albeit supposedly based on facts- rather than a clearly scientific book. Those are the ones that scare me the most. But perhaps I'll find some answers there.
  9. It comes in waves

    There just are no words really, for anything of what we are going through.
  10. Lost

    Ditto to you both!
  11. KayC, I did watch the trailer you posted for the movie. The highlights presented do spike an interest.But, I'm just not there yet.
  12. FirstWasLast, Thank you for the summary of the book. Personally, I do not believe in hell. I have read many books about the afterlife, written by mediums and past life regression therapists. A person who takes their own life, does go to the afterlife. Just a different level than those who pass over from different means. It is not hell, but rather a level for healing to take place. To accept help from others souls in learning the lesson from ending their life. Once healing takes place and the lesson learned, they can return to the level where the rest of their soul family, loved ones reside. Yes, there is reincarnation for those who choose that. Their new life experience will be similar to their past life. They will be presented with the same challenge that caused their original suicide. Their karmic debt has to be resolved and a different choice made that does not include suicide. Another movie I was told not to watch is "Dances With The White Dog". Depending on the individual, some books and movies can be helpful, in gaining understanding and the quest for answers. Because I have been to my own dark place so often in my grieving, it is my choice to stay away from those venues, at least for awhile.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    Susan, I like that screen shot of protecting ones heart. Indeed. Autumn begins this Friday at 3:02, but it will be nearly 90 degrees outside... holy crap! My classroom is hot on a cool day so this week is kind of hard, today manageable, but tomorrow and Thursday and Friday...less so since this room is 10 degrees warmer than the outdoors. After many days of heat, it really is bad. Oh well, at least we had a nice cool start to the school year, one week of heat is far less than what we usually have. Lesley, the lack of light gets to me as well. The third graders record the sunrise and sunset each day so that we see how much sunlight we lose and then gain again. It really helps them understand the seasons and the angle of the Earth's rotation. Tinay, fingers crossed that you and your Son can move to the nice place with the big yard. I so hope so. As far as sleep...heaven knows that the first year was a crap-shoot as far as sleep, some nights yes, many nights not so much...the second year was similar but a bit better...I have always had bouts of insomnia in my life, but it definitely got a lot worse when we lost Erica. I always have a good book on my nightstand and read and read to immerse myself in someone elses' story when I can't sleep.
  14. Don't know what to say

    In reading through all the posts here, I find this one best addresses the others. It IS hard, and life is not the same after losing them. My life before is gone now. But eventually we do adjust and I guess that's where our hope lies. That we can learn to live alone. That we learn to handle everything ourselves. Yes, we keep on missing them, but it doesn't stay as shocking and painful as it was at first, it settles into something we can carry eventually. I know you disbelieve it, but I've lived it...I wouldn't have believed it either, that I could ever live without George here I could not fathom or believe, he was everything to me and I totally look forward to being with him again. But for now I owe it to myself to do this the best way I know how. I try by not giving up, by being here where there's others going through it and get it. My life has totally changed. I haven't gone camping since George died. Why? Because that was something WE did, together. I admire those who can just march right on still doing the things they used to do together, I can't do that. My life is different now, it's lost it's previous luster, but I do try to find good in it, just in different ways. Something is always better when shared and I no longer have that person to share life with. Going solo is much more of a challenge.
  15. It will be important to let her daughter know how much her mom loved her, I hope you can stay in her life. I've no doubt you will be with her again in the next life, when she is free of what haunted her. We all look forward to that day.
  16. M88, You have a pretty comprehensive list. I needed to talk in the early months and everyone disappeared but my sisters and daughter (my son was in the Air Force). Reading grief books and articles, coming to my grief forum helped, writing letters to George, journaling. Learning not to look at the whole of the future, stick to today, one day at a time was enough. I went to grief counseling but my counselor wasn't good and was the only one in town. There was no grief support groups in this town so I eventually started one here but it would have helped had I had one back then. I've always been organized, without that I would have been in trouble because my brain wouldn't work.
  17. Suicidal

    Nickyv, I am so sorry for your pain. What happened to your girl was NOT your fault. Just an accident. We cannot prevent accidents. Animals are very close to the spiritual world, the afterlife. Their souls have been here many times.You were blessed to have 14 years with her. That age alone, is quite an accomplishment for a dog. Their spirits accept their physical death more readily than us humans do. They can only be here for so long, to show us unconditional love, be our loyal companion and teach us how we should live our lives. With compassion for others. Your dog loves you. You will always have that bond. She is still with you spiritually. When those terrible images of her passing pop into your mind, say "STOP"! Replace the imagery with a good memory. Keep practicing this, replacing the images, and soon your mind will adapt to only the good memories. Your dog doesn't want you to stay focused on her passing. She wants you to remember all those good years together. Please, find someone to reach out to for help in coping! reader gave you a lot of resources. Giving back is a great way to place some focus outside of yourself. Grieving is the heaviest load we can carry. It helps to get out of our own head for awhile. Maybe seek out a local shelter and volunteer some time in walking dogs, petting them, loving them. Your dog would probably encourage you to transfer some of the love you have in you and show it to other animals in need of affection and attention. Just please, do something to help yourself.
  18. Don't say you're OK, when you're not. I agree; I tried some myself and they have helped. Thanks for sharing.
  19. Seeing a medium?

    HisWife, That's amazing. Welcome to this site, I'm sorry for your reason for being here though. I hope you made it through the hurricane without too much damage as well.
  20. Plans

    It's too soon, Rob, it's too much to expect you to make plans beyond today. It's enough that you get out of bed at this point.
  21. Don't know where to turn

    My suggestion, like many of the other post, is be there for each other. There are no heights you cannot go together. If one succeeds, both have succeeded. That is the joy of being there for one another. Know I'm sending prayers up so that the blessings can come down. Stay Strong!
  22. ''What Dreams May Come'' by Richard Matheson

    I have not read the book or watched the movie; and from reading some of the post, I'm inclined not to. Not ruling it out completely, just not now.
  23. It comes in waves

    I so feel you. Charles should be here with me and I'm lost without him. I too enjoy my grandchildren; they make me laugh and I am so grateful to God for allowing them to have at least one grandparent. But when they are around, I want Charles around (like before) so that we can enjoy them together. I hate the fact that they will grow up without him; so I will make sure, until I take my last breath, that he is never forgotten. Its just so very very hard.
  24. Don't know what to say

    But they ARE big. They ARE life changing. They are the things that really mattered the most. It's those little things that Lori did for me that I hold most dearly to my heart.
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