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    • ModKonnie

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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie

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  2. Loss of an Adult Child

    Great Song Dianne, one of the best...making me smile as I head to bed. love the kitty with her head in the dip...
  3. Loss of an Adult Child

    I know this has nothing to do with grief. Other than the fact I’m feeling a little down til I look over and see Lilly with her head in the bottom of a chip dip container. Then once she gets her head out her cheeks and whiskers are covered in dip. Ok I know I need to get a life. But I just had to share. How can my husband not think she’s cute. She made me smile, even just for a minute.
  4. Today
  5. I really miss her. Her name was Gypsy, and she's been in my family for around 10 years. I still can't believe she's gone. I've never loved a pet like I loved her. I didn't even get to say goodbye. I feel so guilty, I felt like I could've done something. She was my best friend and the loveliest, kindest cat in the world. She was a wild cat when we found her, just a tiny kitten. Every time I would come in my room she would jump on my shoulder and purr. I really miss her. I don't know how to deal with this so I guess I'm looking for other people who are suffering to tell me what to do? I don't know. I'm still in shock. I keep thinking I hear her meow when I open my door or that she'd be sitting on my windowsill as always, but she isn't. I didn't even get to say goodbye.
  6. Loss of an Adult Child

    Thanks Dianne. Much appreciated.
  7. Loss of an Adult Child

  8. lost my younger brother...

    Dear Blue, Thank you for coming back and letting us know how you are doing. I know its really hard and I'm sorry to hear about the breakup with your boyfriend. I know that only adds to your pain and sorrow. Thinking of you. I know grief is a long and hard road. But please know we are all still here with you. Take care. Sending my thoughts and prayers.
  9. Dear Jonathan, My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your the loss of your beloved father. Having feelings of guilt and regret is part of grieving. Please know its normal to go back and think, why didn't I notice this or that? I could have saved dad. I had this thought too. We all desperately want to have our parent till they are a healthy 100 year old. I know this is an extremely difficult time. Please be kind to yourself. We all do what we can with what we know. I know it feels empty right now, but hopefully with more time it will feel more bearable. Thinking of you and your family. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  10. Loss of mom

    Dear Danni, My deepest sympathies and condolences. I am very sorry for your loss. Please know what you are feeling and thinking is normal and natural. Having a sense of disbelief is part of the grief. One writer wrote "I knew my dad was dying but I never really believed he would die." That's how I felt when the doctor called me at work to tell me my father had passed. I had just left his beside at the hospital two hours earlier. I fully believed I would see him the next day. I even went about my day afterwards, getting gas, getting something to eat, thinking about seeing the social worker on Monday. I was raw. Everything felt so surreal. I could pretend my father was still alive but it wasn't true. I think it took me almost a year to come to terms with my new reality. I hate change at the best of times, but the finality of death was not something I could fully understand when it finally happened to me. Please know we are all here to listen and support each other. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
  11. If in Need of Help/Comfort

    Reported especially with the way I feel about that particular subject right now. Spamming a grief board is the lowest of the low.
  12. Loss of an Adult Child

    I completely understand, I am going through everything, getting it taken care of fir my husband if I go. I don't want him to have to deal with all my stuff. I pay all the bills so I need to get that organized, redoing the will since my daughter was the second beneficiary. I want to leave them with as little to deal with when the good lord takes me. I never know when it will be my last: my daughter was 18, my mom was 50, and my dad 64. I am 37. I could go tomorrow. I want it as easy for them as possible.
  13. Loss of an Adult Child

    LouAnn...I know that the news you are hearing on the radio and TV is very depressing and it can bring you down. I would love you to do me a huge favour. Please do try to get outside and not focus as much on death. Have you considered volunteering at a shelter or something that will keep you so occupied and busy that you will be completely absorbed even if only for a short time. Perhaps a part time job at a greenhouse where you could help with the upcoming preparations for the planting season. I know it has been a long winter... but it is almost behind us. We headed out today and the warmth of the sun on our face was pure bliss! The days are lengthening and spring is not far off. You sound as if you have been really busy getting things in order. Not a bad idea at all. It is always good to keep one step ahead and by making sure your house is in order it will help your family down the road. I have done the same thing. I bet you were a girl guide. Ok, today I have had a song in my head all day that I can't get rid of. This really dates me but it was by Jackie DeShannon in the late sixties. Put A Little Love in Your Heart. Could someone that is more computer savvy please post it for me. Thanks in advance.
  14. Loss of an Adult Child

    Louanne, that is so so interesting, that you have purged it all except for Kira's things so that you don't burden anyone with 'stuff' if you die...when you die. But I tend to think that your last prediction may be right, you are starting to live a bit more each week it seems, knowing that you are never disrespecting your girl by living, in fact you are delighting her when you go out and do something that is fun or new. In the meantime, your home is cleaned up and certainly not cluttered. Sandy, good to see you, yes, you are heading into that 6th angel day, and I am sure that nursing your sweet friend through her early days of grief is like reliving your own, and then there is your own that will demand your attention. Sarah and Heather are flying high side by side as you walk along with Marilyn, and they are so proud of you to face Marilyn's loss of Heather as you walk your path as well. I am so proud of you too, and hope you know that your assistance is exactly what Colleen spoke of earlier today: you can become bitter or you can become better, you can become more compassionate. You certainly have done that.
  15. Yesterday
  16. He’s gone -:((((((

    I’m so sorry for your lost. I’m almost 4 months into losing my husband and it’s the most heart wrenching thing I’ve ever lived through. There are people on this forum who are further in their journey and offer comfort and advice. I joined a loss of spouse grief support group. Maybe you can look into one of those. Bless you!
  17. Loss of an Adult Child

    Wow I don't know what to say I really don't.
  18. Loss of an Adult Child

    There is a line from the movie Shawshank Redemption (which my husband has watched at least a thousand times), and it says “you either get busy living or you get busy dying”. I think of that every now and then. Like there is no in between, I wonder if that’s what they meant? While on one hand I’ve picked and scraped and carved out a little headway here and there, I just constantly think of how I’m leaving this world for my boys and husband. Will is done, bank papers in order, have purged truck and car loads full to Salvation Army after first asking the boys if they want anything. I’ve cleaned out almost every drawer and cupboard. I have some windows and a fireplace that need replacing. I’ve got a call into a painter to paint the bathrooms. When I’m gone I just want to make sure the house is in good shape for selling and I don’t want my boys saying oh why did mom save boxfuls of junky dishes and Christmas decorations. I am writing out how I pay bills, looking at getting life insurance, and have even written out my funeral wishes. Of course after six years I still can’t bear to part with anything of Kira’s. Buckets and buckets in the basement. They just make me cry if I look at them. And of course making sure someone will take Lilly when I’m gone (my husband hates her lol) and I want to buy a cat cremation box so she will get buried by me and Kira. I still have a ways to go but want to go to sleep one night with the thought if I die in the night have left everything all tied up for my boys. I have the business cards for the bank guy and the chaplain here. And I have a book with passwords and how to pay bills, etc. In I never really thought much about it that’s just the direction I’ve pulled myself in .i read somewhere once where a mother said I died that day too, they just forgot to bury me. Wow that describes everything I feel in one sentence. I’m just wondering if once I get all of this done, if I well say ok, now get busy living. I just don’t know.
  19. He’s gone -:((((((

    My 43yr old husband left me last month leaving me and our 2 little children after 5 months battling with colon cancer. I’m still stunned as I was just outside his room whe he took his last breath. He called me 2 hours before to ask where I was saying he’s critical and I laughed how he could call me if he actually was. 3 1/2yrs old son asking if we can go to heaven to see daddy and 8yr old daughter asking why did this happen to our family, I’m absolutely speechless. I’ve been with him 11 years and we had a wonderful marriage. Never ever thought he’d leave me at a such young age and I miss him so much. I started counselling two weeks ago and I can talk about him until the cows come home. I’m just lost, he was the one to look after me, love me and adore me and he’s gone just like that. I never wanted him to suffer and believe God heard our prayers and did the best for him although this isn’t what we prayed for. He told me last ‘it’s all ok’ just wondering if he knew he was going. I blame that I was talking to the doctor outside the room rather than being with him. Just don’t know where to start living without him
  20. Loss of an Adult Child

    Good afternoon to all. This site has literally been a life saver for me. I don't write as often as I should but always read and there have been so many times just what I needed to hear was being shared. We have all been changed and will foreve experience the hard days. Sometimes they aren't as hard as we are prepared for them to be, and other times it takes us back where it feels as hard as it did in the beginning. I am heading right now, it feels like lightening speed ,to the 6th anniversary of Sarah's death and the memories of her last 6 weeks are very real and invades my thoughts. I believe that watching my dear friend Marilyn mourn and grieve for Heather makes this year so hard. However, knowing that I can come to this site where EVERYONE gets it, brings me comfort and support. I have made some good friends here and would be lost without you all. I hope no one leaves due to differences in opinion. I remember when I was a little girl watching my grandpa sit and discuss upcoming elections with his friends. They did not all hold the same political leanings and and they would get into to some interesting conversations, but would leave as friends, without anger or hard feelings because politics was an individual belief and friends could agree to disagree. When did that change? I miss those days. I think we all have the right to share our feelings and thoughts. We will not all agree, but that is ok. What brings us here is a loss, greater than any in this world and as we see others start this awful journey it makes us all want to see a stop to the madness and fix our broken country. I agree with everyone that something has to be done. I hope no one leaves and that those of us who have been here awhile and those finding themselves new to this dreaded place can continue to draw strength and love and acceptance. Have a peaceful evening. Sandy
  21. Loss of an Adult Child

    Hi Dee thank you for asking about my famaily and your right Charlotte is a very high risk and we are just trying to get her further along so baby has the best chance she’s now 29 weeks. I am so worried about her xx my oldest daughter is trying to sort her marriage out that’s all they can do, try, it’s worth that I think they love each other but his family come between them and her husband can’t stand up to to him. He’s having counselling for that now. The first thing the counselling said was that their are THREE people in this marriage!! my grand children are my lifeline they keep me going small steps with them by my side. Samantha I too have days and days when my grief completely consumes me and where I scream and scream usually loosing my voice but I feel more peaceful after. It’s so hard take care x Dee I say it again you should put your poetry in a book it’s so thoughtful really good x i know I don’t post much but I always read xx peace and love to all GEORGINA xx
  22. Grieving my future

    Well said!
  23. Loss of an Adult Child

    Lesley, I love that Chief Seattle quote, it is how I believe. I wrote that poem soon after Erica died, so over 14 years ago, at that time, I was unsure of what would remain in my world...I have all sorts of Erica around me now, but early on, I felt that all traces would be gone, I learned that I was wrong, she is here in so many ways...carried forward by so many.
  24. Loss of mom

  25. Loss of mom

    Hello all, these forums are new to me however I thought I'd share my story of the loss of my mom in order for some friendly support or advice. When I was 14, my mom had been diagnosed with primary breast cancer in which from an early age was confusing and difficult to accept that she was ill. With weeks of ongoing chemotherapy, radiotherapy, scans and surgeries my mom had then been given the all clear. It was a year or two later that we unfortunately got the news that she was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in her lungs. Through months of same treatment, we created so many memories such as sky diving, Mexico, riding a horse on the beach, fundraising events and many more. I was in disbelief that my mom was seriously ill as she always looked so beautiful and healthy on the outside, but was being destroyed on the inside. I always had hope and faith that some miracle would come along and take away this trauma from her and the rest of my family. It was the past few months that I had realised that my mom was really struggling and it became real to me what suitation we was in and have been in for the past five years. My mom died on 29th January the day after her birthday, she is 47. I have recently turned 18 so it's been about three weeks now since she passed. For the past months, my mom had been staying in and out of hospital and round my grandmas so it seems normal for her not to be in the house. The problem I am facing at the moment is that I still believe she is just at the hospital or round my grandmas and I still have this disbelief that she has actually died. I still have hope that she is going to come back and tell me that the suffering has all been a mistake. I know there are lots of different ways of grieving. I have been very occupied since and haven't accepted the reality of what I am facing. The funeral is on the 22nd and I am guessing there'll be a slight possibility that this will hit me. Has anyone experienced the feeling of disbelief of a loss and if so can you share your stories.
  26. I lost my father 2 weeks ago on 4th February to a massive heart attack which the doctor referred to as the widowmaker. I am having extreme feelings of guilt as he was unwell at xmas and said he had a bit of shortness of breath like he wasn't getting enough air into his lungs. We thought nothing of it as my mother had a chest infection at this same time and was given a Salbutamol inhaler for breathlessness, which my dad tried and said it helped him a bit. I said to him I was concerned as shortness of breath can be heart trouble but he insisted he had the flu as he felt flu like symptoms like aches and pains and malaise. He was off his food for a few days also and my mother informed me he had a temperature of 38 degrees C. I was concerned as he had no cough, sneezes or sore throat but it seemed like he had an infection as everyone had the flu at this time and we also had a neighbor who said she was short of breath with the flu. My dad made a recovery and was back on his food and at work and said he was over the worst of the shortness of breath. A week before he died he brought it up to me by asking me what causes shortness of breath and I said it could be the heart and if he was still having that issue I could take him to hospital right away but he dismissed it as having been the flu and he was over the worst of it. I put it down to his weight as he had a big stomach and I tried to reassure him that it likely wasnt his heart as he had no chest pain and no family history (both his parents were very long lived). I did believe he was well but I'm reliving that night in my head as I feel that if I took him to the out of hours GP then I could have saved his life. He was due to see the doctor the day after he died. On the day of his heart attack he had to stop 3 times while out walking with my mum and felt he couldn't get enough air into his lungs. He never once complained of chest pain which I find hard to believe.
  27. Dear Vandana, We all miss our parents so dreadfully. It is almost unimaginable that we have not talked to them in so long. The first year is unbearable and the grief hits us so hard. Please know we are all here together. With hugs.
  28. Grieving my future

    Michelene We are all here rehashing thinking what more could we have said and what more we could have done. "I just know I felt joy in our marriage and I trusted him and I never regretted loving him or marrying him. I hope he felt the same way, but right now I feel so estranged from him, from our past, from our future. And now every day I feel empty spaces opening up inside me." When reading these posts it's easy to comprehend why people who haven't experienced a loss of this intensity are unable to understand. Unless you've experienced all these levels of intense feelings it is incomprehensible. I trusted him too. I trusted him completely even when he insisted everything was ok. I love him! I want him! I need him! I loved how we flowed together. I loved how one always kept a level head even when we hit a bump. I loved the joy. I loved the giggles. I loved the freedom to simply be silly. I'm feeling that estranged feeling but I think for me it is my being in limbo. I've stated in another post that its a place I needn't to park. I don't see limbo as having limitations or obstacles. I can't go back yet I'm not ready to accept or begin to move forward. A month ago I was open to all his signals and the visuals/spirit connections. The past month I've not been open which is that feeling of estrangement you mentioned. Not been open because I'm angry he left. Not been open because I don't want to accept that he is really gone. Yesterday I unknowingly left open a space to receive a signal. I know he's there. The signal is a reminder that I'll have another connection with him. It's not the connection I want. In time it will be the only connection I will have. It will be beautiful! The "open spaces," the holes of emptiness, the voids left. I feel these open spaces. I've observed people running around to fill these open spaces. For now I don't want to fill them with anything just to fill. I visualize them being filled in time with new people, with love, new interests, new adventures. I'm adamant they are not going to be filled with meaningless fillers. For me going back to the past to grab anything that doesn't hold the energy I need isn't healthy. Running forward grabbing something or someone to fill that void isn't wise for me. Whatever I decide to allow to fill those spaces has to feel right. I'm not ready. Its that simple. I not sure any of this makes sense. Its where I am as I understand, experience and feel all these shared thoughts and feelings. We all have in common: A loss, love, grief and the hard journey back to some level of "normalcy." How we each travel will be different and unique but grief is grief. The pain is real, the loss is real, the fear is real, the unknown is real, the regrets are real, the confusion is real, the anger is real, the panic is real, the insomnia is real......grief is deep and grief is real. Unconditional love is deep and unconditional love is real.
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