Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 4, 2016 Hi everyone, I'm new here. I lost my mom on October 15th. She had been sick for several years, so I thought I was prepared somewhat for this loss, but I don't think anything could have prepared me. She ended up dying rather suddenly, at home, which is what she would have wanted. My last interactions with her were as close to perfect as you could ask for. Still I am so heartbroken. I loved my mom so much, we talked often and even with her illness she was always ready to listen and give me advice about things. It feels like life will never have a point again. I'm about to get a big promotion at work, and I don't even care. I'm really glad these forums are here - I have a counselor, but I'm having a hard time relating to other people about this loss. No one seems to really understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted November 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 5, 2016 I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum suddenly on the 23rd of October to a stroke. I still cannot believe it. Hopefully we can get through this together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dotdot Posted November 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 5, 2016 On 4 November 2016 at 1:30 AM, sophiapetrillo said: Hi everyone, I'm new here. I lost my mom on October 15th. She had been sick for several years, so I thought I was prepared somewhat for this loss, but I don't think anything could have prepared me. She ended up dying rather suddenly, at home, which is what she would have wanted. My last interactions with her were as close to perfect as you could ask for. Still I am so heartbroken. I loved my mom so much, we talked often and even with her illness she was always ready to listen and give me advice about things. It feels like life will never have a point again. I'm about to get a big promotion at work, and I don't even care. I'm really glad these forums are here - I have a counselor, but I'm having a hard time relating to other people about this loss. No one seems to really understand. My mom was the same sick but died unexpectedly at home. I know how you feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 6, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2016 I'm very sorry for you guys, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted November 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2016 Hi Sophia. How are you doing today? Hanging in there. I'm not doing too bad today. Yesterday and the day before were terrible. Dreading going to work on Tuesday. I cannot focus properly on anything anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 6, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2016 Yesterday was okay because I was focused on getting her apartment boxed up and going through her things. I'm dreading having to give it up at the end of the month. Mornings haven't been great the past few days. Waking up kind of panicky, with a sick feeling in my stomach. How are you doing today? I feel like it might be a rough one for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dotdot Posted November 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2016 I cannot focus either. I'll start to read or watch tv and within minutes my mind is wandering. This week I have to box mom's stuff too. Ugh. I haven't been in the house since she passed. It's going to be brutal. The landlady is wonderful and has told us to take as much time as we need as she won't accept any rent this month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 6, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 6, 2016 We've had great luck with my mom's landlord too. It's given us plenty of time to sort everything and take our time. Being there is the only thing that has consistently made me feel better; it's going to be hard when we don't have that anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted November 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 7, 2016 I was doing ok today until the lady at the pharmacy asked me how I was. Bad idea!! I broke down. Luckily she was lovely. Must be so hard having to sort through your mum's things but at the same time calming and helps you feel a bit connected to her. I've looked few some things but Dad is not ready to let go of any of her things yet. There is no rush. How are you both doing today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 8, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 8, 2016 I had a big work meeting today - it was hard to focus on preparing and even on being there, but it went pretty well and I'm so glad it's over. Today I feel like I'm going back over the details of what happened again, asking what if and why did things happen the way they did? Did she have any idea how bad of a state she was in? I'm not sure why I'm going back to this. This morning I woke up feeling like a lead weight of sadness was holding me down. This sucks so much. How are you doing, Monty? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted November 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 9, 2016 Can totally relate to your lead weight of sadness. You wake up and it hits you all over again. I had a and night last night bug today I'm just flat and exhausted physically and emotionally. I think it is normally to go over all those things and over the details. At least i hope so as I am doing exactly the same thing but I am asking question like Did she realise what was happening? Did she suffer for long? Because it was sudden and she was alone I guess my questions are different. My Dad is having a really bad day today. This totally sucks. How are you doing today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 10, 2016 Today has been pretty rough. My mom would have been so devastated by these election results, so I go back and forth between being glad she didn't have to see it and sad that I don't have her to talk to about it. I decided what I have to do is what she would do - which is to find the people who need help and help them. I cried a lot today - I think I'm in a depression phase. Everything feels really empty and strange, and I'm just dreading the upcoming holidays. My mom died alone and it was sudden also - very strange since I expected it for so long but thought it would be drawn out in a hospital or something. I keep wondering what the last few hours were like - she ended up on the floor away from her oxygen - how did that happen, since she knew she needed it to live? Did she freak out at the last minute realizing she didn't have it? Or was it all just confusion but painless? I know I'll never know, but I hope she didn't know what was happening and that she wasn't scared. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted November 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 I'm so sorry. Wrong of me to assume that because your mum was unwell that she did not die alone. My mum died alone too. We can hope that they it was quick and they passed quickly. Unfortunately we will never know what happened and we have to make peace with that. I think your mum would have been very brave. Finding people to help can be very rewarding but make sure you allow yourself the time and space work through this grief. How are you today? I've had a very flat day. I'm physically and emotionally drained. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 13, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 I've had a few okay days, not feeling great necessarily but at least able to function. Yesterday was a long day of getting more stuff out of the apartment - productive, but also really draining. Today feels like a crash. I woke up with a ton of anxiety over everything and have already had a few meltdowns. I think it's hardest when I'm alone and not busy, but at the same time I need a lot of rest. This morning I was thinking about how my mom always gave the best hugs and I never get to have one again I really wonder if I will ever be able to accept that she is really gone, or really be happy about anything. How are you doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted November 14, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 I miss the mum hugs too. There is nothing quite like a mum hug and I have cried lots of tears too thinking that this will never happen again. What I would do for just one more hug. I feel like I am carrying around this sadness with me. This is really hard . How are you doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 15, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 15, 2016 I'm pretty all over the place, but I think I'm maybe a little more focused than I have been so far. I actually accomplished a couple of things at work today. Yesterday was a really bad day, and I keep waking up with a lot of anxiety that isn't really attached to anything. I'm exhausted with waking up and feeling awful every day. I totally relate to carrying around the sadness. I see people everywhere who look like they don't have a care in the world, and I feel so weighed down with everything that's happened. It's hard to imagine how it was before or how it will be in the future. How was your day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Asb1993 Posted November 17, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 17, 2016 Hello to you all...I'm new to this forum but reading your posts helped me realize that other people do understand what I'm going through...I lost my mom suddenly 6 months ago and there are some days where I'm happy and enjoying my life and other days just hit me so hard. I'll be at work and a song will come on or someone will talk about their mom and I'll end up in the bathroom or outside crying. I feel like my boyfriend and friend just don't get how much this still hurts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 21, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2016 I totally understand. I feel like no one in my life can understand me, even my brother and dad who are suffering the same loss. I have like 5000 different emotions in an hour and I'm not looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday. I'm so glad I found this forum. How is everyone doing today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monty Posted November 22, 2016 Members Report Share Posted November 22, 2016 It is so hard when the grief journey is so different for everyone. My brother's way of dealing with my mum's passing was to buy a brand new car and he has to be doing things with his hands like fixing things. He runs away at the first sign of emotions. I don't want to be around people at the moment. I am also not looking forward to Christmas or the holidays. Can totally relate to so many different emotions. I'm really sad today. My Dad had a bad day yesterday and today. My mum's ashes are ready to be picked up. Just not up to doing it yet. Death certificate arrived last week and we also found out that my mum had an aneurysm in her brain which caused her stroke. Hopefully this means it was quick and my Dad can have some peace knowing that there is NOTHING he could have done. This sucks. How are you all doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiapetrillo Posted November 24, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted November 24, 2016 Having a really hard day today, too. Just really missing my mom. I was going through some things and found a little notebook her coworkers had given her when she retired where they all wrote nice notes to her. Everyone loved her so much. Sometimes I don't know how the world is even still turning. How is everyone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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