Lost wife 3 years Ago

[LostNov]

When my wife first passed it was the hardest thing ever. Waking up and not having her at my side. Not something I would ever cast on my worst enemy. Feeling of lost and why did this happen to me. Never in a million years did I ever think I'd be alone. It's hard really hard. I'd have to say time does make you heal somewhat. But for me I live that same day over and over. Always think could have I did some more to change what happen. Worst part she died in my arms. Never will forget! I don't want anyone but her. I miss her so much. As I type this I am crying. Sorry not very good with typing. 

[KMB]

So sorry for your loss---your continual pain and heartache. You've come to the right place. Friends and comfort are here. Vent your emotions here, it is safe.

I lost my husband 2 1/2 months ago. We were together 25 years. Lived together for 24 and married for a little over 18. His loss has been the hardest trial of my life.

We can't go back and change things. We have to accept it was part of life's plan. I'm still not there yet with the acceptance myself. We, on here, and all those that are not, but are going through loss just the same, are on this same road together. The road will branch out into individual paths that we must all take for our separate journeys to healing and peace.

My husband passed of an instant heart attack. Caused by congestive heart failure. He also was suffering with kidney failure. We were just a few days shy of getting him set up for dialysis. He dealt with many years of high blood pressure and diabetes. He started on meds for those conditions just a couple years into our relationship. Those early years were filled with good times, going places and being together. The last 10 years were challenging with surgeries, recoveries, more meds. We were strong for each other, got over each bump in the road and enjoyed our life in between. The last 2 years were the hardest. My husband knew his eventual fate. He was tired. His physical body was giving up. I was in denial. Keeping the hope and faith alive and being even more stronger for him. If it hadn't been for our meeting and falling in love, my husband would not have had anyone to love and care for him through those last 25 years. I am thankful and blessed that I was the one chosen. Yes, my heart is broken without the love of my life here with me. The emotions are unbearable. I have to learn to live alone and my life is empty and meaningless. My husband would want me to keep going for him. Every day is a struggle.

Prayers and peaceful thoughts to you.

[GinaN]

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband two months ago today. He also died in front of me while I was giving him CPR, and I also relive those horrible helpless moments every day and sometimes wonder if I could have done something more. You're right, I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I'm only two months in and it feels like yesterday when he passed away, but at the same time it feels like I've been without him for an eternity. I'm so lonely without him. We have two kids 8 and 11 and I'm holding on because of them, but I am completely miserable and full of sorrow, and I suspect I'll feel like this always.  I don't know what to say.. I'm crying with you. Sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[KayC]

LostNov,

I'm sorry you lost your wife.  Yes, it's really hard being alone, esp. the missing them.  This article addresses those who feel guilt at missing the death moment, but it's also applicable to the haunting moment of death.  I think it haunts us all.  So long as we release the guilt and recognize that feeling guilt does not make it deserved, sometimes our feelings and facts don't line up.

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-coping-with-moment-of-death.html