Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Sign in to follow this  
Madonna

Why am I not crying?

Recommended Posts

Madonna   

I've always been close to my dad and through the years he had got congestive heart failure, over a month ago the doctor told us he was in last stage heart failure, our lives shifted to taking care of dad and what he needed, then a few weeks ago, the doctor told us that his kidney's were shutting down, since then he has been bed ridden, the hospice nurse came today, she pointed out my dad's swollen stomach area and told me that was a sign of him backing up inside, she told me she thinks he has about two weeks to live.  I didn't cry, I just stood there and said "okay", as if she just told me he has a appointment somewhere and I made a mental note of it.  My mind is filled with thoughts of what I need to do and prepare for that. I thought to myself, why am I not crying? Did this ever happen to anyone?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Dgiirl   

This is how I felt when my Dad was diagnosed with Cancer in November.  It was just one more thing on a long list of health issues.  After a long month of back and forth in the hospital, My dad passed away a month later.  I think I feel numb.  I am crying here and there but I'm not devastated like I thought I would be.  Im not sure if this is normal, weather I accept it or if I'm in denial and I'm going to break down later. My dad was my absolute world and I don't think my emotions match up

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest   
Guest

Madonna

My husband had this as well and it's truly heartbreaking to witness.  I feel for you.  I cried but not as I would have thought.  I think this was because I was hearing what they were saying but couldn't accept it - I thought he would get cured.  It was like I was present but watching a TV programme.  You will probably had shed many tears since this news.  I empathise with you and I understand your situation.  Take care.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader   

Dear Madonna,

I'm so sorry. I think its the shock of the news. My dad's doctor told us he had heart failure but thought he had another 6 months to one year live. He died 2 days later. Even when the doctor was telling us the news, I didn't cry. We had already been through so much. He was always so strong. My mind could not accept the possibility my dad would die on me. I never thought it would happen and he would continue living to 100. The day my dad died, I cried a little. But once the reality of what happened had sunk in, I couldn't stop crying And the months since, I cry more easily. Maybe in those moments, our minds think we must be strong for our parents. I know this will be a very hard time. Thinking of you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Zara19   
On 03/02/2017 at 8:28 AM, reader said:

Dear Madonna,

I'm so sorry. I think its the shock of the news. My dad's doctor told us he had heart failure but thought he had another 6 months to one year live. He died 2 days later. Even when the doctor was telling us the news, I didn't cry. We had already been through so much. He was always so strong. My mind could not accept the possibility my dad would die on me. I never thought it would happen and he would continue living to 100. The day my dad died, I cried a little. But once the reality of what happened had sunk in, I couldn't stop crying And the months since, I cry more easily. Maybe in those moments, our minds think we must be strong for our parents. I know this will be a very hard time. Thinking of you.

Hello Reader and others

My Husband died of this as well.  They told us he had weeks when he was discharged from Hospital but these weeks turned into hours and I was alone as he passed away. That was in October and I am still distraught.  I thought he would be around for a few years but it wasn't to be but I didn't accept this.  It didn't feel real and no doctor said to us we were at end stage, despite all the appointments.  I feel for all on this page that have experienced this.  Take care.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader   

Dear Zara,

My deepest condolences and sympathies on the passing of your cherished and beloved husband. I'm so sorry for your loss. Its a horrible shock. After the first meeting with the doctor I had come home to read more about heart failure. And there was one statistic that said over 50 percent of heart failure patients die within three days of receiving this news. My sister had even asked if my dad needed hospice care the morning before he passed and the doctor had said there was no sign he was going to die. I knew my dad's condition was serious but yet I just he would live longer to meet his new granddaughter. Part of me is so angry at the doctor. My dad died alone in hospital and was never able to come home as he wanted. I know there is nothing I can do now, but just allow myself to grieve. I'm so sorry for all us going through this terrible journey. Trying to accept this new reality has been unbearable.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Zara19   

Hello again Reader

Hope you don't mind the 2nd reply.  I omitted to express my sympathy on your loss in my previous post.  My Husband had had a massive h/attack in 2016 and was told about the CHF whilst in hospital.  I'm really truly sorry your Dad passed alone, that must be a source of anguish.  I blame the NHS (hospital) for inadequacies in his care and more importantly I blame myself for not being more assertive with hospital doctors, I feel I failed him.  I did lots of reading too and although I knew it was serious I also read that chronic CHF patients lived around 4/5 years so although I was devastated by that I thought it was a long time.  But we only got 10 months and five weeks of those were spent in hospital.  They said they thought he would be ok so I mentally blocked out the reality he wouldn't.  It's hard for us isn't it because not only are our loved ones and us dealing with an illness there is an element of a sudden death as well that adds additional trauma and shock to the grief.  I wish you my heartfelt empathy for a time that can only be described as a pure living hell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
reader   

Dear Zara,

Thank you for your condolences. No worries, thank you for your second reply. I'm so sorry for your pain and sorrow.

I know everything is easier said than done. But please try to be kind and gentle with yourself.  I too have the same thoughts. I should have been more assertive with the doctors and with my dad even. And I too feel like I failed my dad. He had a stroke three years prior to his death. He was a smoker, never ate well and enjoyed his bacon and coffee. He had a minor heart attack 20 years earlier but never even took a baby aspirin. I thought he had super DNA up until his stroke. Even after the stroke I thought we were lucky. He had overall weakness, but he could still talk, move his arms and legs. But they put him on 10 pills and he almost starved to death. Once he was off his meds, he seemed to be doing better. But then he got stubborn and didn't want to take his pills. I didn't want to fight with him and let him get away with it. But it was a fatal mistake.

All of 2016 my dad was getting grumpier and grumpier. I tried so hard to keep going and thought my dad would too. He had a heart attack in September of 2016. Then another one a few weeks later. It was all too late. He had been dying and no amount of pills was going to change the outcome. I have a lot of guilt and regrets. I know there are no guarantees. And we can't always control everything or everyone, but I honestly felt like my dad could have lived longer.  Just a little longer was all I wanted.

People have told me that I did the best I could with the information I had. That I must forgive myself. And that it was not my fault. It was life and things happen. I say the same to you my friend.

Thank you again for all your sympathy and empathy. It is sincerely appreciated. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

×