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Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
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skyerachelle

My brother died 2 weeks ago and I don't think it has hit me yet

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My 18 year old brother died on October 8, 2016 while working under his car that suddenly fell on him. I'm 23 and I've never had anyone close to me die, and I'm left in a state of confusion as to why I feel like I'm not grieving. I cried for hours at the hospital and during his funeral, but now I feel like I can't. I'm completely fine throughout the day, as if he didn't die at all, but have severe anxiety when I remember. The little things hit me hardest--seeing his shoes at the door, his toothbrush next to mine, and even just looking at his 4 month old daughter. It honestly doesn't even feel like he died, only like he's on a trip or something. I cringe when people say the words "when Kelsey died" and I can't even say it out loud without getting chest pains. I'm not sure if my brain just can't wrap itself around the fact that this actually happened to him, or if I'm just ignoring it. I want to grieve for him, I want to cry, I want to be sad. But instead I feel nothing most of the time. I'll randomly get anxiety--trouble breathing, chest pains, lump in my throat--when I think about never seeing him again, but only for a few minutes until something else catches my attention. I'm honestly tired of hearing "whatever you're feeling is normal" and "everyone grieves differently". I just feel like I'm not grieving at all??

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You and I are experiencing the almost same exact thing/feelings! Im 25, my older brother (31 years old) passed away September 9th unexpectedly to an unknown blocked artery in his heart . Everything you described is EXACTLY how I'm feeling too. The not feeling anything, like he's not really gone, that it didn't happen, seeing his shoes, the anxiety when you think about it everything. I'm sorry about the loss of your brother. Wish I had advice but that's why I joined on here too. I'm actually going to make a doctors appointment for my anxiety/panic attacks. Maybe you should too. 

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Aw I'm sorry about your brother too! I actually have an appointment to see a counselor at my university this Wednesday, so hopefully that helps. I really do want to be sad, cry, or feel some type of pain. I don't want it to hit me 6 months from now and get into some type of depression or something :/

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I lost my brother suddenly almost a year ago. There is tremendous shock that follows the inital loss. A numbness, a disconnect from what happened. This first anniversary is crushing. I am so sorry, so very sorry you have had to experience this. Please be sure to seek counseling. Writing a good bye letter was highly encouraged for closure. I still havent been able to write one.

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Grief and trauma do weird things to the brain- don't let your preconceived notions about what grieving should be like get in the way of what your emotions, beliefs, and chemical make-up are moving you to feel. Be strong when you feel strong and be numb when you feel numb and cry when you feel like crying. My sweet little brother passed away and I've be exposed to many different types of grieving and not one way is wrong as long as you continue to move forward and process it. Don't be afraid to feel it. God's plan is greater than any we have for our lives or the ones we love. This life is so short and God is so good and I promise you will smile again. 

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