My father murdered by his father

[Daughter of a King]

July 22nd 2016, 3 days before my 20th birthday, a day that shattered my world. I got woke up at about 9 from my best friend wanting to me to go to a chiropractor appointment with her. I told her maybe since I had just woke up but all I could think about was an intense horrifying dream about my dad overdosing. About an hour later I got another call from my sisters mom (we share the same dad not mom) saying something happened to my dad. But as soon as I saw her calling I had already knew what happened. She just kept saying something happened. I was asking where is he? In the hospital? What happened? She finally said your dad died. I asked her how? And I never expected what I was about to hear. Your grandpa shot him and killed him. I told her I had to get off the phone I would call her back. My whole body started shaking and I ran to my grandma and said my dad is dead. I had a dream my dad died and he really died. I knew I needed to call my work so I ran to my room and let them know I wasn't able to come in that my dad was murdered by his own father. I told them I didn't know when I would be back. After all of that I called my sisters mom and asked her some more questions and finally heard what happened. My grandfather shot my father multiple times in their home. My grandfather thought My dad was in drugs. My dad had his back turned because he saw the gun and was trying to run away. He made it all the way into the road where a woman ran out of her house to try to help him and call 911. The sad thing is the first 911 call came from my grandpa. Saying he shot his son and he thinks he's dead. When the ambulance got to where my dad was laying in the road he was still conscious but all effort to save his life had failed by the time they got to the hospital. He was pronounced dead at 8:08 in the morning. Leaving too many people with broken hearts and questions that can never be answered. And here I am 3 months later. In debit up to my ears from funeral costs and all of that, being the next of kin I had to be in charge. Waiting for crime reparations to help pay for a fathers funeral. Sad broken hopeless. No Father and absent Mother. Wondering how people start to cope and grieve with this kind of pain. My anxiety attacks have been non stop for days at a time. Stress is eating me alive. I don't know what to do. If anyone wants to share what helped them get through a loss I would greatly appreciate it.

[lydiaellejay]

I am truly sorry to hear about your pain. 

Sudden loss is an intense thing but all I can say is that first of all you need to be kind on yourself. Don't beat yourself up for your reactions to his loss because I did it for far too long and it is only damaging to you and your grief.

I won't say its easy and with the trauma you have faced it is always good to seek some outside help, but just know that you can speak to people on here. I did and still struggle finding people who can truly have some understanding but we are all here together.

I write a grief blog which I wouldn't usually highlight so much however I have seen how much it has helped people and would love to give you at least some helpful words

https://believement.wordpress.com

All my love xxxx

[Asb1993]

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss...my mom passed away suddenly 6 months ago and the pain and grief still eats me alive sometimes. I wish I knew something to say that would help but the best advice I can give is just let yourself hurt and feel the pain sometimes. I feel like my boyfriend and family and friends all want and expect me to just return to normal but nothing is okay and it's not okay for you either. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to cry sometimes. Don't feel like you have to be okay or return to a normal life but give yourself time and take care of you.