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How do I get through this


Janice 252

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Hi, I lost my husband in January this year, he died from complications with Parkinson's disease. I was with him when he died and he told me to live my life, we never took our eyes off of each other as he was dying, I wanted to go with him, that man was and still is my heart and soul, I loved him so much and still do. We had been married for 46 years and we were total soul mates and lived for each other and our 2 children. As a family we lived overseas a lot due to my husbands profession so all our friends are scattered around the world. I feel so lost and incomplete and every day is very hard. I want to talk about him with my children and grandchildren but if I get upset they tell me I need to see a grief counselor, I don't want to talk to a stranger about him. I have our adorable dog Annie and I must admit that I talk to her about him, she has seen me through some very dark times. My solace is walking her every day on the beach or to the park, when I point something out tp my late husband on my walks at least people think i am talking to my dog...haaa I keep getting told that time heals all, but I doubt I will ever feel whole again. I do not fear death now as I want to join him so much. I know it is one day at a time but there are days when I can barely move and I feel so anxious when I am out anywhere.

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Hi Hazel, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in August and I can totally relate. I know my husband wants me to go on with life, but it is so difficult just to get out of bed and struggle through the day. I feel just as lost and empty as you do. Besides this online forum, I have been going once a month to a local grief support group. I've been to 2 meetings so far. I don't know if it's helping. Right now, it's a place to go to be with others who understand. It gets me away from the house which I know is important ,not to keep myself so isolated. My husband's friends were my friends,but most have gone on with their lives, which is normal, but hurtful. I miss the physical presence of my husband constantly. It is hard to adjust to living alone. I want to be with my husband also, but it is not an option. I get anxiety attacks throughout the day and go to bed seeking solace in whatever sleep I manage to get. This journey of loss is going to be with me until it is my turn to be reunited with him in Heaven.

Prayers and hugs to you.

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Hazel,

I am sorry for your loss, but glad you found your way here.  It's your decision, but it helps a lot of people to see a grief counselor as we don't always know where to start with this.  Your kids may feel inadequate to help you and would be relieved to see you getting help.  I have to admit though, a dog is the next best thing (or perhaps best!), I talk to mine all the time and don't care if anyone thinks me crazy.  I also talk to my husband, perhaps they can hear us.

It helped me tremendously to join a grief forum...it's been eleven years and I'm still active on that site, as well as this one now too.  Missing them goes on forever, but we can adjust to our new life, it takes a lot of time and effort...time alone does nothing, it's the grief work we put in that makes a difference.

I hope you'll continue to come here!

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