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Grief and Lonliness


ldressle

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I am 2 years 3 months and 12 days into this whole grief process and one thing that sticks out in my mind that people repeatedly said to me, it never goes away.  These words resonate with my experience.  I feel as if time stood still and the day my son and father left this planet suddenly lost in the cosmos - instantly destroyed - lost at sea.

My son's body was never recovered, just one shoe and a small piece of him..so small the urn his ashes are in is the size of a salt shaker which were sent in a box at my doorstep.  I had to give my DNA to the missing persons place in Oregon in case his body was ever recovered.

It is so hard to continue - my life is so lonely and sad most of the time.  I am able to go to work more now than in the beginning but I just feel detached.  As if my soul was outside my body and I am floating in a sea of sadness.  My husband is also struggling and we cannot seem to grieve together.

We did go on a vacation recently but since we came home all the memories of my son seem to haunt me in my home.  I miss his smile and jokes.  He was always making me laugh and smile.  He was such a positive person. 

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hi im sorry that there was so little of your son to recover I guess it was an accident at sea? my sons ashes are still at the funeral home some14months later because i was very mentally unwell and hospitalised for a while then in may i shattered my ankle and have had 4 surgeries requiring hospital stays etc. i walk with a stick but am very disabled still so have not been able to fly to the States to scatter my son. My very vengeful ex is banging on about doing it without me. its not i dont want to face it and do it but physically ive been unable to do so so far. i hope i can persuade him to do it in jan. at least there may be some closure for our 3 other children. for me it is a formality i said goodbye at the funeral home which devastated me and then at his funeral. i believe he is around us somewhere but i do not believe in god or heaven any more. it will be impossible to visit his resting place in the USA because of flight costs and my children refused to let me have a tiny bit to scatter in my home town so i have a little piece of him close by. i am very grieved by their decision but feel i have to go along with their wishes as they are my living children (they are 20 22 and 23) and they are adamant that Tommys ashes are not split. Tell me how you got through to where you are today please. i am unable to work physically and mentally yet and find it hard to see a better financial future with independence again

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ldressle

You are feeling totally like me.

"it never goes away.  These words resonate with my experience.  I feel as if time stood still and the day my son and father left this planet suddenly lost in the cosmos - instantly destroyed - lost at sea."

 

Feels  like it happened yesterday, and somehow I wish the one day before she died, I could change the outcome. And yes it never goes away and because that child is from our flesh and soul we are wondering in the desert looking for that part of soul and looking for a thousand years.

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It never goes away how true that is. some days I think i am doing better then I crash and burn again, it seems like I backslide constantly. I feel i should be stronger more in control and be a better mum to the 3 adult children i am blessed to have, but i am aware of all my failings. we can't change the outcome anna59 but we can change ourselves and try to make a new normal in a world that is so foreign. I was sent a wonderful quote that says "For someone grieving, moving forward is the challenge, because after extreme loss you want to go back". another favourite is "Grief i have learned is just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot.All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes,the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go".

 

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