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Just need a light at the end of this awful tunnel


Sarah 37

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Hi,

I'm brand new to any kind of chat lines. I lost my husband almost 10 months ago. I felt like the further I got from that terrible day the better I would start feeling, but I swear its getting harder. It was quite sudden and unexpected. I was at work and got a call from our neighbor saying I needed to come home because Eric was unconscious. Turns out he was dead and the Medics were there doing CPR. He has an aneurysm in his aorta that blew. He was perfectly healthy otherwise. He was kind, gentle, giving and a caring person.  To add to the grief process we were still trying to have children. In the year and a half before he passed away I had 2 miscarriages. Now I'm wondering if I will ever be a mommy. I can't imagine having a child with anyone but him. Anybody able to tell me when this starts to feel better, or at least when you start to feel normal again?? I'm an RN and I work at a busy level 1 trauma center. I see people die a lot, its not that I was not sad for those families before... I just understand the pain so much more now. It's hard to separate myself sometimes.  I have started to take some antidepressant meds but I don't know how much longer I can hold myself together. Any suggestions or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

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Hello Sarah. So sorry about the loss of your husband. I'm only 24 days down this sad road. My husband died suddenly too. One minute he was watching TV the next he had gone. The operator on the phone was talking me through CPR when the paramedics arrived but there was nothing they could do.  it was a coronary atheroma so no blood was getting to his heart. I know every death is hard but I do think a sudden death like this puts your body into terrible shock. I'm feeling really nauseous today. Physically I'm not great. Don't think there's any time scale for grieving. We all do it in our own way. I'm a lot older than you and Bill and I had been married for 46  years. Miscarriages are hard to deal with. My daughter has had 3 and each one was like a bereavement. She's just about to start another course of IVF and we're hopeful this will work. There are lots of good people on this site much more qualified than me to give you advice so hopefully they'll reply. In the meantime my thoughts and prayers are with you. Janice

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Hi Janice,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine having to do CPR on my husband. You are one strong lady! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. You will be in mine as well. Also, Fingers crossed on the IVF! Good luck! Some good news for you would be a godsend. Thanks again,

Sarah

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Sarah,

I am sorry for your loss as well, it is the hardest thing in the world to deal with, but I've found it helps to take one day at a time and try not to look too far ahead.  A lot of people think the second year is harder than the first, and that six months out is when it is particularly hard, but it varies from one person to the next.  We do eventually adjust to their death, although we can never be happy about it, of course.  The missing them continues, though.  It's been eleven years for me, my husband had just turned 51 that week, it was a heart attack, he made it to the hospital, was there a couple of days, had another one that killed him before they could do surgery, but they did say his heart was severely damaged from a previous (unknown) heart attack.  We figured out it had happened six months before, had cause him to total his car, we'd mistakenly thought it was his Diabetes, it wasn't, it had always puzzled us, now we know.  

The love continues, it does not die just because their bodies give out.  I know that no matter what happens in life, he's still out there somewhere, still loving me.

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Sarah---I replied to you on my post---hang in there the best you can---we're all in this together.

KayC---I understand what you went thru. My husband had heart problems too and nothing could be done. He had had quad bypass but his heart had already sustained damage. He was also diabetic. Diabetes wrecks the whole body. And you're right, the love continues but it's still hard trying to get by without them.

Janice--- I feel for you---what you're going thru mirrors me. Mirrors all of us. The trauma we're all going thru is a shock to our bodies and our minds.  I too feel physically sick at times,almost to the point of throwing up. I fight it as best I can. I do the deep breathing and soon it passes. We're not supposed to keep dwelling on that initial trauma of our husband's death. Makes it all the more painful.  Our husbands are at peace, in a beautiful place, watching over us. They don't want us to grieve, but it's the price we pay for being human.

Hugs to all of you----Thank you all for being here!!

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Thank you everyone. Sometimes it just help to share my story. I feel safe here and appreciate your support. Hugs to you all! 

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On 10/12/2016 at 6:51 AM, KMB said:

Diabetes wrecks the whole body.

He had me to go through his Diabetic journey with and take care of him, but after he died, I've been diagnosed with it and I have noone to go through this with or help with my care.  Sometimes this is a lonely journey...

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That's sweet.  I've had it for quite some time now, it was doing pretty well last year and then I gained some weight back and it got worse.  I'm eating the same things so it had me puzzled.  I just keep trying, walk twice a day, etc. NO SUGAR!  I avoid potatoes too.

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Hi KayC---You are doing the best you can keeping the diabetes under control. It's not easy, I know.  Hang in there---HUGS

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