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finding I'm turning to substance abuse


mariesgirl1953

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mariesgirl1953

I can't believe its almost a year already. And what a year its been... This has by far been one of the most toughest and hardest years of my entire life and the worst.... People always say that it will get easier.... Time is a great healer.... Not I'm my world... Not at all.... If anything its gotten harder.... I have given up smoking but in turn I have began taking pills to cope.... I don't know and don't care what they are.... So tomorrow when I drop my son to school I'm going to go and get cigarettes. Call me selfish call me whatever you want to, but this is what I want to do. My husband told me tonight it'd time to get over my mam. That I need to be there for him and our 4 year old son. I'm constantly there for them both. I never do anything for myself. So from now on every night starting tomorrow I'm am going to have a few drinks after I pit my son to bed. Say what you like cause tbh I couldn't care less anymore.... I wish when I took all those pills Sunday that today my funeral had been planned and instead I'm still here.... I just want to die and be with my mam. Its not fair. I have no support from my husband or my dad. My mam was my best friend I could literally talk to her and tell her anything and shed never judge me, all my husband and dad ever seem to do is constantly judge me. They critasize about me smoking. Its my business, if I want to do it I'll do it, and when I want to stop.for good I'll do that too. I don't tell anybody what to do but its like they seem they can tell me what to do. I just want to be with my mam and for everyone to leave me alone. For gods sake if I snap at my husband for something he's say "its healthy, your grieving" he has no idea what I'm going through, everybody greives differently. I'll do what I want - and what I want is to be with my amazing mam

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No judgement. When my son died i turned to pills and alcohol. Percocet 30x's a day and drinking every night. I even lost my daughter bc of it. I wanted the reality to go away.  Now i lost my mom almost a month ago and being sober am having to deal with my emotions. Its horrible. Its ok to think about yourself and you will never get over your mom but please dont go down the road i chose. I am surprised i am still alive. I cry evryday and hardly sleep or eat. Please reach out to me anytime. 

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Hi ladies

You are sharing about a topic that I can relate to.  All of my life I turned to things to get me through difficult situations.  As a teen it was drugs and alcohol ... later it was gambling. Gratefully I overcame those addictions and found healthier ways to cope with tough times.  The human mind is quite the thing ... it can lead us down so many wrong and destructive paths.  So when my parents passed on, I was afraid.  Afraid of what self harmful thing I would get into to get through these losses.  All I knew is that I was hurting so bad in losing them that I knew in my heart it wouldn't take much for me to self destruct. 

I did something out of character for me.  I picked up the Bible and started reading ... searching for something to bring me comfort during this dark time.  I came across one short verse that brought me that comfort....John 14:1-4.  In knowing that Jesus Himself came to take my parents "home" brought me more comfort than family and friends could.

From that time on, I do a lot of Bible reading and have come to know that for every single problem we could have in this life ... the answer/solution is in that book.  I would urge everyone to pick it up and read it.  Sadly many people won't read it ... human nature seems to be for us to do anything else to get through situations.  It took me a lifetime of troubles to actually read it for myself and I just can't tell you how it helps with every tough situation.

 

Take care and God bless

Cindy Jane

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Please don't hate your yiurself for your actions. I just lost my mom six weeks ago and I too am turning to substance abuse or anything else that takes my pain away or even just numbs it. My bday was yesterday and my first without her. We spent every Halloween together and watched scary movies I'm 42 and she was the only person I had. We had an unbelievable close bond as I'm sure you did with your mom . I too take a drug now and wish I could die and wake up somewhere holding and kissing my mom. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.

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mariesgirl1953

Hi everyone, thank you so so much for your replies. I am so sorry i haven't replied in such a long time. Since that post, i am doing so much better. I still miss my mam more than anything - more than life itself, but i am coping a hell of a lot better. I still smoke, and have absolutely no intention of quitting, But i have started going to therapy. It has helped so much, i haven't been there in a while, but am hoping to go back soon, B) I know i will be, and thats the one main thing that keeps me going. I would love to hear from you all again, and feel free to message me any time. Take care,

MariesGirl XxX

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