Members Janice 252 Posted October 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2016 Hello to all my lovely friends who have helped me so much over the last few weeks. I'm now back home and don't know if I'm glad or not. Somehow being away I could almost pretend this awful thing hadn't happened but now I'm back in this lonely house. We went for a meal today and our 5 yr old granddaughter ate prawns and calamari and seabass and wanted to try everything. Bill would got such a kick out of that. He was their educator. He loved to watch them developing and it breaks my heart that both he and them are going to miss out on so much. KMB I hope you can in time enjoy your new grandchild. Children are a joy and I have a very close relationship with all 3 of mine. Right now I don't have any energy to look after them as I used to but hopefully I will be able to in the future. Hope you all maybe found some moments of peace this day. Sending hugs and thanks for being there. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted October 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2016 Hi Janice---Touches my heart that you enjoyed your family trip. Grandchildren are a joy and I have faith that will turn around for me soon. From everything I've read about the afterlife, your husband and mine are at family events, etc. They watch over us all the time. I spent part of the late morning doing a little paperwork. A nice fall day here and I went out this afternoon to mow some sections of the yard that were overgrown. Had a frost this morning so I mulched up the leaves/stems of a couple of the day lily beds in the front yard.Stuff I do every year. I have to struggle along somehow and getting outside helps. My husband was an outdoor person also. When you live in the country, so many things to do to keep busy. My husband would be doing his stuff and I'd do mine or we'd do things together, always content and a feeling of accomplishment at end of day. While I was doing all this *busy* work, I kept telling myself what a good life my husband had, he always said, right up to the last week, that he had gotten to do everything in life he had wanted to do. When I met him 25 years ago, we enjoyed that good life together. Thanks for being here for me too---hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janice 252 Posted October 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 Hi . KMB. Glad you got outside and got some fresh air. It's a beautiful day here too-although I think we're on different continents. I too am trying to do the daily tasks but it's with such a heavy heart. Nothing seems important or worthwhile any more. Bill loved his garden. It was one of the reasons we bought the house. I had a visit from a family member who had never been here before who said "this is a lovely area" and it is but what does it matter when you've no one to share it with. Today I have to sort out my husband's pension which will probably take all my strength but will be one more thing done. Hope you find something positive in your day. Sending hugs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janice 252 Posted October 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 Kay. Your birthday must have been tough but then everyday is. I'm trying to summon up the strength to phone the undertakers and pay the bill for the funeral. I'm still in disbelief that I actually have to make that phone call. But it will be one less thing to worry about. Hope you find something positive in your day. Sending hugs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 10, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 KMB, I live in the country too, I keep pretty busy picking up limbs (I have a lot of trees), stacking wood, shoveling snow in the winter. Sometimes I wonder if I can do this the rest of my life, alone, but I try to take one day at a time and make it through that day and not think about it unduly. Janice, I'm glad you got some time with your granddaughter, it's good to get away, and I love the coast. Dealing with stuff like the pension doesn't sound fun, I hope you get through it okay. I remember all too well those early days, planning the funeral, picking up his ashes, notifying the social security office...and having them declare us no longer married, which set me into a crying jag all the way home. These are hard adjustments... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted October 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 Janice and KayC-----Yes, it's hard doing the daily things when your heart aches. I still think sometimes it's all pointless when my husband isn't here to acknowledge and see. I keep telling myself that he wouldn't want to see me constantly wallowing in sadness, letting everything fall apart around me. Even when my husband's body became too caught up with his health conditions and had physical limitations, I kept up with everything and took on more because of my love for him. All part of being a wife and honoring our vows. In my heart I will always be his wife and I will somehow, try to go on. I want him to be proud of me when I'm reunited with him in the afterlife. It's a goal for me. The adjustments, all the legal and financial things that have to be done, very hard but necessary. Necessary in the start of starting over somehow and part of the healing. I keep in mind all the time that my husband is watching over me and guiding me somehow when I listen to my inner voice. Hugs to you both--- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janice 252 Posted October 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 Thank you both. I've never lived in the country. I'm sure it's beautiful especially at this time of the year. For me that's another day over and one more step along the road. A few more jobs done and I'm exhausted as always. Everything thing takes such an effort. I'm now in bed,curtains pulled,some rubbish on the TV. Always feels safer here. Tomorrow I have more phone calls to make and I will have to get out in the car. Haven't driven for 3 weeks now. Haven't felt strong enough but it has to be done. Sending hugs to you both x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members widow11216 Posted October 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 On 10/9/2016 at 4:49 PM, Janice 252 said: My husband passed away in Nov. 2015 of a heart attack while laying in bed with me. We were making love. He died on top of me. I thought he was having an incredible organism, because of the sounds he was making, but OMG, it would be his final organism. I know what it's like to have all kinds of thoughts grief,pain, misery and thoughts of you would not make it because I had all of them. I was traumatized, I walked in a dazed for months in a world of of " this can't be happening to me". I went through the shock and other symptoms of grief and did go to grief counseling which did help to a degree, but not completely. I decided I wanted a way out I didn't not want to stay in the condition I was in I wanted and needed a way out! I created an online blog, both through Tumbl and youtube. Please look at my blog and how I am handling this thing called grief. The journal and my youtube channel online blog has helped me start to express some of my thoughts and feelings that I can't talk about with anyone else. The blog whether it is video or Tumblr is filled with thoughts and quotes that are very comforting. Some are sad,sometimes I cry while blogging but very fitting for me at this time. I pick up my phone and my thoughts and memories are pour into it whenever I need to. I keep it with me at all times, if possible. I would recommend this to anyone that has experienced a loss and needs an outlet. Please feel free to look at my videos, read my blog or ask questions. I will try and respond asap. Come see my blog,https://youtu.be/dwSH4qQnsiAhttp://widowstartingover.tumblr.com/post/151591496858/missing-himhttp://widowstartingover.tumblr.com/post/150084501433/visiting-my-husband-gravehttps://youtu.be/-nreqEWNXDMhttps://youtu.be/Za3_oc_hBAE Hello to all my lovely friends who have helped me so much over the last few weeks. I'm now back home and don't know if I'm glad or not. Somehow being away I could almost pretend this awful thing hadn't happened but now I'm back in this lonely house. We went for a meal today and our 5 yr old granddaughter ate prawns and calamari and seabass and wanted to try everything. Bill would got such a kick out of that. He was their educator. He loved to watch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janice 252 Posted October 10, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 Don't know what has happened but I didn't write the above. This has scared me. Has something been hacked ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted October 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2016 I'm with you Janice---that post seems a unreal and scary! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janice 252 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 Have reported it to moderators. Would delete if I could. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 11, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 It looks like they hit the quote and typed their message into it instead of underneath it, replacing what you wrote with their words. It could have been an honest mistake, it's their first post, maybe they don't know how it works. If they'd copy THEIR message and delete the quote and then paste their own message outside of quotes, they could have their post stand alone as it should. widow11216, I'm sorry for your loss but welcome here, I'm glad you found your way here where there are a lot of people going through similar experiences. A lot of people aren't comfortable clicking on links from sources they don't know, but you're welcome to share here. Try not to type inside the quoted areas though, it makes it look like someone else said it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMB Posted October 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 Thank you, KayC, for posting the above. Holding out hope the person is an honest poster, wanting and offering comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janice 252 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 Thank you Kay. I understand how that could have happened. I hope you're right and it was a genuine mistake. Still would have liked a reply from the moderators. There must someone behind this site. Hope you're well today. Sending hugs. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 12, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 I've contacted the moderators as well, we can only hope they'll respond since we haven't heard from the poster. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janice 252 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Thank you Kay. I've been thinking about it and although I'd like to think it was an honest mistake, the poster says they have a blog and YouTube videos so they are computer savvy. Don't know what to make of it and to be honest don't have enough energy to worry about it. My nausea came back today so I'm feeling exhausted but will get through another day. Hope you're well. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 13, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 I don't understand the moderators not responding and fixing this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janice 252 Posted October 14, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2016 I don't understand it either Kay. Makes me wonder if there are any moderators! Sorry to hear about your diabetes. You know we're all here for you. X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff In Denver Posted October 19, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 19, 2016 Being strong is, in my opinion, not a good way to handle grief. From what I have heard, it's usually better to experience emotions than to repress them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 19, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted October 19, 2016 Being courageous is facing your fears, not the absence of fear, it's proceeding in the face of it. Being strong is the same, it's going through it no matter how you're feeling. It's making your way through another day. It is NOT putting on a mask or repressing your feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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