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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
KMB

Miss my husband so much-----

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Monty   

KMB, I wish I could give you a big hug. All you can do right now is breath in and out and put one foot infront of the other. Anything else is a bonus. Remember to be kind to yourself. Xo

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KayC   
10 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said:

"She had the burial ceremony at 11 am today so now that is all behind her hopefully she can move forward and make a life for herself."

We all know it doesn't work like that!  She's in a fog...

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KMB   

Thank you, Monty, for wishing me a hug. We all could use one on a daily basis.

Crappy, anxiety filled morning as usual. But I spent the afternoon outside taking care of the last minute projects. Have the first snow storm coming through in a couple more days. Not supposed to amount to much, it'll melt. But some more snow for the day before Thanksgiving. talked to my husband while taking care of those chores. I'd like to think he was watching and proud of me for doing it all myself.

Hi KayC---How are you doing?

Hugs and prayers to everyone-----

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KayC   

I didn't get the predicted snow, thankfully!  I had to drive to the valley yesterday (130 mile round trip) to have my car worked on (they found something so it cost me double what I expected), wait a few hours for my doctor's appt. only to find out they recorded it in Dec. instead of Nov.  Grr!  They didn't even apologize, so I waited hours for nothing and still have to go through it again next month when it IS likely to snow!  Everything went wrong yesterday, nothing big in and of itself, just a day to have over, we all get them!

KMB, you have reason to be proud!

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KMB   

Hi KayC---Do you live in the middle of no where like I do? A long round trip sounds like a lot to have a vehicle fixed and a doctor's appointment. Sorry about the appt., being mis-recorded and they didn't apologize. I have to travel at least 30 miles or sometimes more, one way, for certain things here to. But I would never give up living here in the country.

My husband grew up in this house and I'm thankful that I get to stay here. It does bring me comfort. Even though I expect to see him everywhere here.

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Hello my friends - I find such comfort here with you. Thanks

I don't live as remotely as you - I'm in a town (but not my home town - London).  However without any family; no kids; no parents etc. I might as well be remote.  But I am in the home me and Steve shared for 6 happy years - so it is sanctuary - although very tearful (and falling down around my ears!).

Not in a good place today - just been to see a psychic - why did I do this so soon after losing Steve?  Feel 1000% worse than I did.  She was fine - some quite good out of the ordinary things.  But I think she held back on giving me the big gun stuff; maybe they're scared of being insensitive or upsetting you - but hey I'm so upset nothing could make it worse.  Just too early and I have to say she did warn me - in my desperation I just ignored her warnings.  Live and learn then.  A bad day and write it off - KayC you show us all the way - thank you for your posts - it keeps me real.

I keep coming back to this proudness KMB.  I know Steve would be proud of me - I'm in a situation where Steve's thuggish brothers are after me.  They want some documents I have of Steve's.  I'm sticking to a big, fat 'NO!  You can't have them they protect my man's memory and reputation'.  What do you do in the face of such hatred?  I know Steve is bursting with pride at my sticking to my guns - sometimes I'm so strong I'm willing them to knock my door; other times I'm curling up into a little ball.  I just love Steve and I miss him; I miss him; I miss him.  

I send love to you all in all your trials and tribulations; whatever form they take.  We get through; we have no choice.

Hugs and love.

x

 

 

 

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KMB   

Loved Mrs T---- Good to hear from you.Sorry that your Steve's brother's are harassing you. Proud of you for standing up to them. Don't worry about their hatred. It's just greediness and jealousy. They should be grateful and thankful to you for taking care of Steve.

As far as psychics---I hope it was an actual medium. Not all psychics are mediums, and not all mediums are psychics. There is a difference. An authentic medium should be able to make an instant connection with your loved one. If a connection is not possible, which can happen, you should be told so and the fee refunded. There will be confirmations on physical description, personality, etc. And it is not too early for a medium reading. But it does help to be in a better place emotionally and mentally. Have questions and messages you want to pass along written down. A good reading can bring comfort and some peace, but we're still going to miss our husband's physical presence and companionship.

i miss my Ed, just the same as you miss Steve---it's a lonely journey until we are reunited in spirit.

Hugs and prayers-----

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KayC   

KMB,

Yes I live in the Cascade Mountains in OR, have to commute to Eugene or Springfield in the Willamette Valley to get groceries, go to the doctor, etc.  There is a small town 8-10 miles away but the grocery store is three times as expensive and produce inferior so I don't shop there.  My church is ten miles away.  I've been here nearly 40 years, but George and I were only married three years 8 months...he called this our "home in the clouds", he loved it here, even though it's just an old broke down worn out mobile home, the property is beautiful, lots of wild life, I see deer and elk regularly, have also been visited by bear, cougar, foxes, raccoons, skunks, wild turkeys, wild rabbits, you name it.  I've learned to coexist with everything but the cougar...I wish they'd stay further up the mountains, they're quite predatory.  

Loved Mrs T,

George's brother wanted his coin collection (which he no longer had) for his son, why would George give his coin collection to a nephew he barely knew when he had his own children and stepchildren?  Anyway, I wrote and told his brother he could have his hospital bills if he wanted something to remember him by.  I never heard from him again.  To me it takes quite the nerve!  He didn't care that I was left destitute with all these bills to pay, only greed and wanting what he could get his hands on.  This is what I mean by I grew moxie when he died, I had to stand up for myself like never before!  People come out of the woodwork like vultures when someone dies!  George's friend had a live in GF that George didn't really like that much and the morning of his funeral she came to my house (uninvited, unexpected) and grabbed his hat off a rack and said, "I want his hat!"  I grabbed it back and wailed, "It's GEORGE'S hat!"  I cried, I didn't want to part with ANYTHING of his!  People can be so inappropriate and selfish!  Years later I gave his hat to his best friend, I think it took me nine years to part with it, but I felt it was where it needed to go to, and he cried when I gave it to him.  It just took me a long time to do it, but I knew all along who I'd give it to eventually.

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KMB   

Hi KayC---We have commonalities. Closest small village is 7 miles away. Tiny grocery store that has inferior produce and meat. Good enough for the basics if weather and roads are bad. I lived in that village for many years before I met my husband. We spent about 13 years there in my mobile home before moving into the family home after the passing of his father. I still find it so hard to believe all our years together went by so fast---now time crawls. Outside of elk, there is all the same wildlife, coyotes and wolves also. Haven't seen cougar, but there have been many sightings over the years. My husband enjoyed his growing up years here. His dad ran a small dairy farm and drove logging truck in between the farm chores. His mom was a school teacher. And my husband certainly loved it, as I, when we moved back here. I'm thankful he was able to enjoy it here in the country before he had to go to Heaven.

Loved Mrs. T----I'm sorry about the family issues. My husband was well aware of how family can be when someone passes. He experienced some issues when an uncle passed and his mom. The ones that come out of the woodwork out of greediness and looking for opportunity to benefit themselves. I'm thankful and blessed that my husband left everything to me. He loved me so much and wanted to ensure my protection and survival. He knew I loved this place like he did and that I would take care of it to the best of my ability. I've already run into a couple of minor issues with vehicles, but I feel my husband was there beside me, helping me make the right decisions. It's always going to be rough not having him physically here, but his love will help me cope.

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KayC   

KMB,

There's coyotes about two miles from here...years ago when my son was a teenager, I'd just gotten home from work and he wanted to take me for a ride on top of a mountain to demonstrate how his 4WD worked, he'd been working on it.  I wanted to eat something and change my  clothes & shoes, but he talked me into going right away, said we'd be right back.  Against my better judgment, we went, broke every rule in my book when we did.  We got up there and got stuck in the snow, his 4WD didn't engage.  I cut branches and put them down for him to rock the truck, nope, still stuck. So we set out walking with our Whippet (I called her a Whimpet).  She weighed 40 lbs.  We're walking and walking down this mountain and my son says, "Someday you're gonna laugh about this."  I tell him, "It's not working, Paul."  We go in silence a bit further and he says, "Someday it'll make a funny story to tell you grandchildren."  "Still not working, Paul."  We keep going, it's cold (no jackets, like I told you, we broke ALL the rules!).  As we reached the bottom of the mountain, before it makes the bend, there's a band of coyotes singing and kayaying and they're dancing, like a ceremonial dance.  A few of them are eyeing us, particularly our dog, Lucky, and they're circling.  Paul and I take turns, one carrying the dog, the other carrying stones to throw at them to keep them at bay.  Inwardly they were licking their chops.  We turned down the road we know as Huckleberry, about two miles from our house, a couple of them following us.  It was eerie, you could hear their songs and you knew they wanted our dog for supper.  We made it back home at 1:30 in the morning, five hours of walking, so tired and hungry.  The next day, on very little sleep, I told the story at work.  Paul was right, it sounded better in retrospect, esp. since the dog got to live through it.  But to this day I'm glad they don't venture onto my property!

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KMB   

Hi KayC---It is quite the story to retell years later. Thanks for sharing.

Struggling here to get through another lonely weekend. It's the first day of the gun deer season. All the usual hunters are out, the occaisional pickup driving by. It's so hard when you miss the one person who kept you busy and gave companionship is no longer here.

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Hi everyone. Thank you KayC and KMB and everyone - coyotes, vultures yes I know them all - nature and human nature.  All your posts have so much resonance with me - I so hope mine give some comfort too?

I've had an alright day today - I'll take them where I can and know my Steve is glad and proud.  And in that - all together somewhere George and Bill - wouldn't it be great if they've all hooked up??!!!

Having a few violent fantasies - anger I suppose.  The brothers are after some explosive documents (no money - I'm as poor as a church mouse as we say here in England - loads of debts KayC but I don't care - love is and was everything).  Thankfully law is on my side.  I answer the door with a big stick in my hands - one day it might be them - but bullyies- such cowards - somehow I don't think they'll knock my door.

I love my man sooooo so much and when I'm focussed on Steve, with his bravery and strength - its so powerful.  I want to ask the coward brothers - 'what's the bravest thing you ever did in your life?'

Wishing you all a peaceful and calm day/evening.

My friends in all of this. Hugs

x

 

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LvdB   

Hi to all,

I can relate to all the feelings you have, and Loved MrsT, I also had problems from his family, I blocked them on my phone to be able to try and move on with my life and grieve one day at a time, It helps to read all the letters here to know for sure that it is "normal" to feel the way I am feeling going through this, KMB, you are not disappointing your husband, I thought that my partner will be disappointed in some of the desisions I made but he came to me in a dream and told me that he supports every desision I make. It just feels like we disappoint them because we have to do and decide everything on our own. please forgive if my spelling is not good as english is my second language. Love ,hugs and prayers to all of you. 

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KayC   

LvdB,

You express yourself very well, I wouldn't have guessed English is a second language to you.

As many of us have discovered, sometimes their families aren't all they can be to us, to put it mildly.  It's important to focus on your needs first and foremost in order to get through this.  I think it helps to surround yourself with people who care and deal with the difficult ones when you're better able to, even if it means putting it on the back table for quite some time.  This is not something we get through easily or quickly, we must be very understanding and patient with ourselves.

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KMB   

There have been so many times since I lost my husband that I want to scream at the people who have faded away, my husband's family and friends. I guess I was just the wife, to the family, not directly blood related. I was the one taking care of my husband, by myself, his last several years. People would call, stop in, saw the care he was getting. I guess they were relieved they didn't have to get involved. My stepson lives next door, by himself. He likes his solitude. My stepdaughter is starting a new chapter of her life living with a boyfriend. She has found true love. I'm happy for her. She's going to be experiencing what I had with her father. It's just so incomprehensible that these people forget that I'm still here and need to be shown respect and caring also. Has everyone forgotten my husband, except me?

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KayC   

KMB,

I doubt they all forgot him, but I'm sure it feels that way to you.  Some people are very private in their grief or don't know what to say, or they're so wrapped up in their own grief they don't think of yours.  I'm sorry.  I wish I was there so I could be there for you.  My husband's family disappeared after the funeral.  I was everything to my husband, he'd be blown away by this.  He was a better son/brother/friend than they were, I'm afraid.

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KMB   

My husband was the most caring, generous, selfless person. Even this past year, when he could barely walk, he was helping people, right up to his last day. Yes, there are those that do miss him. His son does miss him, but due to his inclination to stay isolated and because he didn't see his dad but maybe once or twice a month, he's admitted he doesn't miss his dad to the degree that I do. Once my husband's daughter got out of college and started her own life, she didn't visit all that much either. She's very much into herself. My husband understood his kids and why they behave the way they do. It has to do with their mom who treated them badly. I understood it also, but always had the hope they would change their attitudes and want family closeness before it was too late.

I don't know anything at this point in my life right now.

Thank you, KayC.

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KayC   

You know your love for each other, hold on to that even when the rest of your world feels like it's spinning away.
Your husband and mine sound similar...mine was so caring, always doing for others.  Two weeks before he died, he was helping our friends move...actually, he took charge, was lifting heavy things like refrigerators...this with five blocked arteries (which we didn't know at the time).  Your husband sounds the same way, selfless.

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