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Miss my husband so much-----


KMB

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How does anyone keep going on? Memories are supposed to make you happy. I'm flooded with memories constantly, even when I'm trying to keep busy and they make me miss my husband even more. My husband would want me to be strong, I'm disappointing him.

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In the beginning the memories are painful but at some point they change and bring you comfort and a smile.  Grief evolves as we go through it.  That doesn't help you right now but I wanted you to know there's hope...

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You're not disappointing him . Try not to think like that. You're struggling to do your best to get through this as we all are. This is one time in your life when you have to be kind to yourself. Just one day at a time. Sending hugs x

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Hi KMB,

This is still so fresh for you. Give yourself time and Know that your husband would be in the same boat. You ARE strong. Dealing with your spouse dying is one of the hardest things we have ever gone through! Give yourself some credit. Some days just getting out of bed is a win! Sending thoughts of healing and strength your way!

Sarah

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Thank you Sarah. I stay in bed way longer than I should or used to do. Can't handle facing reality. Went to a grief support meeting last week. Supposed to work on developing new routines. Not easy to do in the morning. Thought about going for a walk right away in the morning. It's a rainy, cool morning here, typical of fall. Don't feel like a walk in the rain.

I talk to my husband, listen for his answers. I ask him what he would do in my shoes and he says he doesn't know. I guess none of us know, we just somehow struggle through.

I see you are in Minnesota, I'm next door in Wisconsin. All I know right now is that I want to be with my husband. I know I will be when it's my time. I think that every day I can put behind me brings me one day closer to that reunion.

Hugs to you Sarah.

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On 10/12/2016 at 6:29 AM, KMB said:

every day I can put behind me brings me one day closer to that reunion.

That's a positive way of looking at it!

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EternalFlames

The first weeks and months are brutal. You're going to feel awful, probably worse than you've ever felt before in your life. But it doesn't last forever.

Grieving is a process. It's a long one. But once you get through it and gradually process all those feelings, then you can move forward and be at peace. The pain will always be there, but it will get to a bearable level, and you'll be able to do things and be happy again. At least that's what I'm seeing from others who are further along in the process. It seems time does most of the work.

How do people keep going on? I think most people just fake their way through the first year, having faith that it will get better over time. That's what I'm doing anyway. I've lowered the bar a lot. I expect very little of myself, except to be honest with myself about my feelings, take the time to talk to my wife's spirit a lot, try to be healthy and take care of myself, and stick to my grief counselling.

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Thank you.EternalFlames. I need to know that at some point I will feel better than this. Yesterday was a really bad day. I tried to enjoy being with my grandchildren but all I can think about is how much my husband and the children are missing out on. Even last night we had thunder and lightning. The 5 year old got up out of bed to look at the lighting and then went back to bed and sleep. Bill would have been so proud of her for not being afraid. It all breaks my heart. I want to do all the things that he did for them. He was very involved with their education and loved to watch them develope. Right now even just being with them exhausts me. I pray it will get better. Thoughts and prayers are with you all x

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15 hours ago, EternalFlames said:

I've lowered the bar a lot. I expect very little of myself

We have to.  It gets down to bare bones survival.  That first summer without George is etched in my mind, in spite of the fact I was in a fog.  I felt so frantic!  I needed to talk to someone, but they all disappeared on me!  It was awful, very little sleep, lack of focus, made mistakes at work, that was unlike me!  I feel my focus has never been back to what it was before his death, but it's returned somewhat.  It took ten years for me to get back into reading!

Those early months, it's good if we can just get out of bed, get dressed, eat, and keep a job.

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Hello all of you - I've been away for a few weeks to bury my beautiful man.  Horrendous abuse from his family - I mean really cruel stuff.  Bizarrely it has made me stronger - am I imagining that?  I don't know - it doesn't matter.  KayC I love your posts - they keep me strong with you seemingly so far along the path and many of us still in the brutal times.  Yes all of you please please be kind to yourselves -  I act during the day and climb the walls at night, then one more day closer to being with my Steve. One day, one minute sometimes one second at a time.  We will get through - no choice.  This site is so safe, so comforting - we all know don't we - we all share that horror - but also love too.  Thinking of you all. xxx

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Hi Loved Mrs T---Grateful to see you back. You voiced it so well, *act during the day and climb the walls at night*--*-we have no choice*----for me at night, it's staying buried under the covers, not wishing to see the light of another day, but have to. *One more day closer*.

I keep trying, I do it for our pets---our own little family. I do it for my husband who can no longer be here physically with us, and I try hard to think he is here spiritually with us.

This is the hardest, tragic happening in my life. I have lost others in my life, but they were not as close physically or as emotionally as my husband. It's different when you lose a life's partner and people don't understand because they still have their spouse. I have lost pets and grieved deeply and for a long time, my husband was there for me. Now I have to go through his loss alone. Family and friends have moved on. Because my husband and  I shared deep love, lived decent, hard working, productive lives, that we would have a longer life together. I was wrong. I have guilt that I never thought about anything like this loss happening. In this life, we think that we have everything under control. We don't. We take a lot of things, including people, for granted. The night my husband passed, I thought it was going to be like any other night and we were planning on grocery shopping the next day. He was going to be starting a new treatment within days. His heart decided otherwise.

Sorry---I keep looking for answers I'll never find. Keep asking why is this my reality?

Loved Mrs T---Prayers and hugs---keep coming back here so we all can find comfort in each other.

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Hello KMB and everyone.  We have so many things in common - not just the loss but the circumstances too.  My brave husband was due to see his surgeon the very next day for a pre-op.  The crash team were on the phone to him in Barcelona (on holiday!?) while they tried to resuscitate - the timing of it all was so tragic.  

I've not connected to guilt about taking my life with Steve for granted yet - but thanks for sharing that.  The unexpected feelings I have are quite shocking.  Perhaps that's one of the reasons this site works so beautifully - we share and so prepare one another as much as we can. 

EternalFlames thanks for reminding me about looking after ourselves - I haven't been - I think all my teeth are about to fall out.  My love would not approve - so I'll spend today honouring my dear Steve with meal plans.  

One thing at a time my friends!

With love. x

 

 

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16 hours ago, Loved Mrs T said:

one more day closer to being with my Steve.

This is a good thing to keep in mind.  Sometimes we feel we aren't getting anywhere, the progress is so slow as to seem imperceptible, it helps to remind ourselves of this.

Good to see you back.  I'm sorry his family is being so horrible.  I do remember growing some moxie when George died, we have to stand up for ourselves, no one else will!

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Hello all.  Moxie isn't a word I've come across - its a good one though and its been going through my mind since seeing your post.  I've been thinking about the strength/moxie it takes to reign in the panic when it bubbles up.  

When I first came on this site (I'm so so glad I did) yours and others' comfort to me was to try not to think about the long term picture: 'what I've got another xxxx years without my beautiful love???'  And while I've been forcing myself to do the 'day stuff' I realise my mind has been drifting to the long term - and hey I get a panic lump anywhere from my stomach right up into my throat.  

So back to basics - stay in the moment - cry/scream out the lumps of panic - say to myself 'early days Mrs T'. This takes moxie.  Steve would have so liked this - I can hear him saying 'keep strong; take it slowly; it'll be OK'.

So today and as I inevitably climb the walls tonight I'll honour my fine loving man by trying really really hard to bear this and show myself some strength.

You are all in my thoughts - love and hope to each of you.

x

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moxie - Wiktionary

Noun[edit]. moxie (uncountable). nerve, spirit, backbone, determination and fortitude, courage, force of character · verve, vigor, pep, energy, initiative [quotations ...

 

And there's nothing wrong with crying/screaming too!  I used to drive out in the woods, not far from here, and scream at the top of my lungs.  Probably scared a few bear and elk.

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Hi KMB and KayC and us all.  Didn't manage to pull off the moxie last night that I wanted to - I'll keep at it though.  

I've been considering getting a rescue cat - my twenty year old Bonita died in March (what a terrible year I've had).  I shall call it Moxie - thanks for the definition.  I'm always surprised to come across a new word at 53.  New is ok though - everything's feeling pretty new at the moment.

Sounds lovely out there in Oregon - does nature help you all - reminds me we're just little ants crawling about and soon I'll be closer to him when my crawling about finishes - sorry feeling down today.

Love to you all and an easier day tomorrow and the day after. . . .

x

 

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Jeff In Denver
On 10/9/2016 at 6:44 AM, KMB said:

How does anyone keep going on? Memories are supposed to make you happy. I'm flooded with memories constantly, even when I'm trying to keep busy and they make me miss my husband even more. My husband would want me to be strong, I'm disappointing him.

I wouldn't be worried about being strong.   I don't know what the benefit in that would be, or even what it means.  I'm guessing it means putting on a brave face as though you're on top of things and can deal with it.  In my opinion, that doesn't work.  It's just covering up.  You have to deal with the emotions as they happen.

I hate this so much.  I hardly ever hear from my friends or her friends any more.  The holidays are coming...

 

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I hear you, Jeff. I put on 2 faces. One for other people and when I'm in a public place. The other face, sad, ready to cry, is my real one. I'm never going to be the person I was before and whatever this life is that I'm wallowing thru has no meaning, no joy. I used to welcome the morning. A new day to be productive, enjoy life. Be with my husband no matter what it was we had to do or if we did nothing at all except enjoy each other's company. I have very few people in my life. They all faded away because they don't know what to say, to do, how to deal with my emotions. Many miss my husband, but none more than me, but they say, life goes on.And they are right. Life does go on, but I feel outside of it. Death is a part of life. People die every second of the day and night. Those of us that are left behind, we're lost and lonely. Half the world is happy and we're in the other half.

I'm not looking forward to the holidays either. We have 5 grown children from 1st marriages. They are scattered and involved with their lives. One of the kids gave the idea to have me travel 4 hours, one way, for Thanksgiving Day. I can be put up in a hotel while she works that day (2nd shift). She sleeps until time to go to work. I have no interest staying alone in a hotel room all day, can do that at home here. Good intentions just to get me away from home, but I would still be alone.

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Jeff In Denver

KMB,  again, I really am sorry to read about what you're dealing with.  It doesn't help, but we have plenty of company.  If there is a higher being, I think he/she is really cruel.   Very few people deserve this kind of pain.   Life is joyless and hopeless for me.  It's like someone turned off the lights.

I have one female friend who I could tell anything to.  I met her for dinner a few weeks ago.  I had really wanted to just talk with her, so that I could open up.  Keeping it inside is hard.  I'm getting used to it, though.  Anyway, I was hoping to hear from her after that, but of course I didn't.

Then, as I may have mentioned, a realtor friend of mine had told me this summer that a friend of hers had lost her husband.  She came home and he was dead on the floor.  A few weeks later my friend wrote and said that the funeral was today, and that she was now on the road to recovery!  Beyond stupid...

People ask me how I'm doing and I tell them something like, "Okay, I guess."  They then ask why, and I remind them about what happened.  They are surprised when I tell them why.  I then have to say that nothing has changed.  Why should I feel better?  This is permanent.  

I hope you get a good invitation for Thanksgiving.

 

 

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I went to town this morning to take care of some mail and a banking issue. I was asked, how are you doing? I replied, ok I guess, as well as can be expected. In return, I get, have a good day. I wanted to scream, *don't tell me to have a good day, if you were in my shoes, you wouldn't want to hear that either*. Business places and the same employees that have known my husband and I for years. Only one of the bank tellers understands. She recently lost her dad and her mom is alone all day. She tears up whenever she sees me because she knows what I'm going through, what she is going through, and she sees what her mom is going through. She says that her mom wants to give up and the kids are trying to keep her going as best as their lives and schedules allow.  I know that I'm not the only one suffering with loss. Everyone experiences it in their lifetime, unless a person is a complete hermit and lives off the grid. I guess it's all in how you choose to cope with it. I never gave a serious thought that my husband would leave our life as soon as he did. I always believed that love conquers all. I had faith in modern medicine and technology. Whenever I gave a thought to either of us dying, I thought, old age. I thought, we'll be leaving this life close together. I guess love will conquer all when it's my turn and we are reunited in the afterlife. I'm 57 and I can't fathom being here x amount of years waiting. But I have no choice but to somehow struggle through.

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Loved Mrs. T, yes nature helps me, it puts things back in perspective for me.  That'd be neat if you adopted a rescue and called it Moxie!  Be prepared for it to have quite the personality with that name though! :)

KMB, I doubt your husband is disappointed, I rather imagine he realizes this is the hardest thing you've ever been through.  The fact we're all still here and keeping on is commendable!

5 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said:

the funeral was today, and that she was now on the road to recovery!  Beyond stupid...

No kidding!  That's NOT realistic or true!

Holidays are always a challenge.  I'm really feeling like staying home, going to the Methodist church for dinner with my neighbor, maybe a phone call later on to my kids.  Nothing is the same since my son got married, all their time is spent with her family.  Maybe I'll go see them when weather permits later on, I'm always missing my grandbaby.

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Jeff In Denver

Her exact words:  "She had the burial ceremony at 11 am today so now that is all behind her hopefully she can move forward and make a life for herself."

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KMB, I wish I could give you a big hug. All you can do right now is breath in and out and put one foot infront of the other. Anything else is a bonus. Remember to be kind to yourself. Xo

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10 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said:

"She had the burial ceremony at 11 am today so now that is all behind her hopefully she can move forward and make a life for herself."

We all know it doesn't work like that!  She's in a fog...

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Thank you, Monty, for wishing me a hug. We all could use one on a daily basis.

Crappy, anxiety filled morning as usual. But I spent the afternoon outside taking care of the last minute projects. Have the first snow storm coming through in a couple more days. Not supposed to amount to much, it'll melt. But some more snow for the day before Thanksgiving. talked to my husband while taking care of those chores. I'd like to think he was watching and proud of me for doing it all myself.

Hi KayC---How are you doing?

Hugs and prayers to everyone-----

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I didn't get the predicted snow, thankfully!  I had to drive to the valley yesterday (130 mile round trip) to have my car worked on (they found something so it cost me double what I expected), wait a few hours for my doctor's appt. only to find out they recorded it in Dec. instead of Nov.  Grr!  They didn't even apologize, so I waited hours for nothing and still have to go through it again next month when it IS likely to snow!  Everything went wrong yesterday, nothing big in and of itself, just a day to have over, we all get them!

KMB, you have reason to be proud!

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Hi KayC---Do you live in the middle of no where like I do? A long round trip sounds like a lot to have a vehicle fixed and a doctor's appointment. Sorry about the appt., being mis-recorded and they didn't apologize. I have to travel at least 30 miles or sometimes more, one way, for certain things here to. But I would never give up living here in the country.

My husband grew up in this house and I'm thankful that I get to stay here. It does bring me comfort. Even though I expect to see him everywhere here.

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Hello my friends - I find such comfort here with you. Thanks

I don't live as remotely as you - I'm in a town (but not my home town - London).  However without any family; no kids; no parents etc. I might as well be remote.  But I am in the home me and Steve shared for 6 happy years - so it is sanctuary - although very tearful (and falling down around my ears!).

Not in a good place today - just been to see a psychic - why did I do this so soon after losing Steve?  Feel 1000% worse than I did.  She was fine - some quite good out of the ordinary things.  But I think she held back on giving me the big gun stuff; maybe they're scared of being insensitive or upsetting you - but hey I'm so upset nothing could make it worse.  Just too early and I have to say she did warn me - in my desperation I just ignored her warnings.  Live and learn then.  A bad day and write it off - KayC you show us all the way - thank you for your posts - it keeps me real.

I keep coming back to this proudness KMB.  I know Steve would be proud of me - I'm in a situation where Steve's thuggish brothers are after me.  They want some documents I have of Steve's.  I'm sticking to a big, fat 'NO!  You can't have them they protect my man's memory and reputation'.  What do you do in the face of such hatred?  I know Steve is bursting with pride at my sticking to my guns - sometimes I'm so strong I'm willing them to knock my door; other times I'm curling up into a little ball.  I just love Steve and I miss him; I miss him; I miss him.  

I send love to you all in all your trials and tribulations; whatever form they take.  We get through; we have no choice.

Hugs and love.

x

 

 

 

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Loved Mrs T---- Good to hear from you.Sorry that your Steve's brother's are harassing you. Proud of you for standing up to them. Don't worry about their hatred. It's just greediness and jealousy. They should be grateful and thankful to you for taking care of Steve.

As far as psychics---I hope it was an actual medium. Not all psychics are mediums, and not all mediums are psychics. There is a difference. An authentic medium should be able to make an instant connection with your loved one. If a connection is not possible, which can happen, you should be told so and the fee refunded. There will be confirmations on physical description, personality, etc. And it is not too early for a medium reading. But it does help to be in a better place emotionally and mentally. Have questions and messages you want to pass along written down. A good reading can bring comfort and some peace, but we're still going to miss our husband's physical presence and companionship.

i miss my Ed, just the same as you miss Steve---it's a lonely journey until we are reunited in spirit.

Hugs and prayers-----

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KMB,

Yes I live in the Cascade Mountains in OR, have to commute to Eugene or Springfield in the Willamette Valley to get groceries, go to the doctor, etc.  There is a small town 8-10 miles away but the grocery store is three times as expensive and produce inferior so I don't shop there.  My church is ten miles away.  I've been here nearly 40 years, but George and I were only married three years 8 months...he called this our "home in the clouds", he loved it here, even though it's just an old broke down worn out mobile home, the property is beautiful, lots of wild life, I see deer and elk regularly, have also been visited by bear, cougar, foxes, raccoons, skunks, wild turkeys, wild rabbits, you name it.  I've learned to coexist with everything but the cougar...I wish they'd stay further up the mountains, they're quite predatory.  

Loved Mrs T,

George's brother wanted his coin collection (which he no longer had) for his son, why would George give his coin collection to a nephew he barely knew when he had his own children and stepchildren?  Anyway, I wrote and told his brother he could have his hospital bills if he wanted something to remember him by.  I never heard from him again.  To me it takes quite the nerve!  He didn't care that I was left destitute with all these bills to pay, only greed and wanting what he could get his hands on.  This is what I mean by I grew moxie when he died, I had to stand up for myself like never before!  People come out of the woodwork like vultures when someone dies!  George's friend had a live in GF that George didn't really like that much and the morning of his funeral she came to my house (uninvited, unexpected) and grabbed his hat off a rack and said, "I want his hat!"  I grabbed it back and wailed, "It's GEORGE'S hat!"  I cried, I didn't want to part with ANYTHING of his!  People can be so inappropriate and selfish!  Years later I gave his hat to his best friend, I think it took me nine years to part with it, but I felt it was where it needed to go to, and he cried when I gave it to him.  It just took me a long time to do it, but I knew all along who I'd give it to eventually.

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Hi KayC---We have commonalities. Closest small village is 7 miles away. Tiny grocery store that has inferior produce and meat. Good enough for the basics if weather and roads are bad. I lived in that village for many years before I met my husband. We spent about 13 years there in my mobile home before moving into the family home after the passing of his father. I still find it so hard to believe all our years together went by so fast---now time crawls. Outside of elk, there is all the same wildlife, coyotes and wolves also. Haven't seen cougar, but there have been many sightings over the years. My husband enjoyed his growing up years here. His dad ran a small dairy farm and drove logging truck in between the farm chores. His mom was a school teacher. And my husband certainly loved it, as I, when we moved back here. I'm thankful he was able to enjoy it here in the country before he had to go to Heaven.

Loved Mrs. T----I'm sorry about the family issues. My husband was well aware of how family can be when someone passes. He experienced some issues when an uncle passed and his mom. The ones that come out of the woodwork out of greediness and looking for opportunity to benefit themselves. I'm thankful and blessed that my husband left everything to me. He loved me so much and wanted to ensure my protection and survival. He knew I loved this place like he did and that I would take care of it to the best of my ability. I've already run into a couple of minor issues with vehicles, but I feel my husband was there beside me, helping me make the right decisions. It's always going to be rough not having him physically here, but his love will help me cope.

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KMB,

There's coyotes about two miles from here...years ago when my son was a teenager, I'd just gotten home from work and he wanted to take me for a ride on top of a mountain to demonstrate how his 4WD worked, he'd been working on it.  I wanted to eat something and change my  clothes & shoes, but he talked me into going right away, said we'd be right back.  Against my better judgment, we went, broke every rule in my book when we did.  We got up there and got stuck in the snow, his 4WD didn't engage.  I cut branches and put them down for him to rock the truck, nope, still stuck. So we set out walking with our Whippet (I called her a Whimpet).  She weighed 40 lbs.  We're walking and walking down this mountain and my son says, "Someday you're gonna laugh about this."  I tell him, "It's not working, Paul."  We go in silence a bit further and he says, "Someday it'll make a funny story to tell you grandchildren."  "Still not working, Paul."  We keep going, it's cold (no jackets, like I told you, we broke ALL the rules!).  As we reached the bottom of the mountain, before it makes the bend, there's a band of coyotes singing and kayaying and they're dancing, like a ceremonial dance.  A few of them are eyeing us, particularly our dog, Lucky, and they're circling.  Paul and I take turns, one carrying the dog, the other carrying stones to throw at them to keep them at bay.  Inwardly they were licking their chops.  We turned down the road we know as Huckleberry, about two miles from our house, a couple of them following us.  It was eerie, you could hear their songs and you knew they wanted our dog for supper.  We made it back home at 1:30 in the morning, five hours of walking, so tired and hungry.  The next day, on very little sleep, I told the story at work.  Paul was right, it sounded better in retrospect, esp. since the dog got to live through it.  But to this day I'm glad they don't venture onto my property!

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Hi KayC---It is quite the story to retell years later. Thanks for sharing.

Struggling here to get through another lonely weekend. It's the first day of the gun deer season. All the usual hunters are out, the occaisional pickup driving by. It's so hard when you miss the one person who kept you busy and gave companionship is no longer here.

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Hi everyone. Thank you KayC and KMB and everyone - coyotes, vultures yes I know them all - nature and human nature.  All your posts have so much resonance with me - I so hope mine give some comfort too?

I've had an alright day today - I'll take them where I can and know my Steve is glad and proud.  And in that - all together somewhere George and Bill - wouldn't it be great if they've all hooked up??!!!

Having a few violent fantasies - anger I suppose.  The brothers are after some explosive documents (no money - I'm as poor as a church mouse as we say here in England - loads of debts KayC but I don't care - love is and was everything).  Thankfully law is on my side.  I answer the door with a big stick in my hands - one day it might be them - but bullyies- such cowards - somehow I don't think they'll knock my door.

I love my man sooooo so much and when I'm focussed on Steve, with his bravery and strength - its so powerful.  I want to ask the coward brothers - 'what's the bravest thing you ever did in your life?'

Wishing you all a peaceful and calm day/evening.

My friends in all of this. Hugs

x

 

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Hi to all,

I can relate to all the feelings you have, and Loved MrsT, I also had problems from his family, I blocked them on my phone to be able to try and move on with my life and grieve one day at a time, It helps to read all the letters here to know for sure that it is "normal" to feel the way I am feeling going through this, KMB, you are not disappointing your husband, I thought that my partner will be disappointed in some of the desisions I made but he came to me in a dream and told me that he supports every desision I make. It just feels like we disappoint them because we have to do and decide everything on our own. please forgive if my spelling is not good as english is my second language. Love ,hugs and prayers to all of you. 

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LvdB,

You express yourself very well, I wouldn't have guessed English is a second language to you.

As many of us have discovered, sometimes their families aren't all they can be to us, to put it mildly.  It's important to focus on your needs first and foremost in order to get through this.  I think it helps to surround yourself with people who care and deal with the difficult ones when you're better able to, even if it means putting it on the back table for quite some time.  This is not something we get through easily or quickly, we must be very understanding and patient with ourselves.

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There have been so many times since I lost my husband that I want to scream at the people who have faded away, my husband's family and friends. I guess I was just the wife, to the family, not directly blood related. I was the one taking care of my husband, by myself, his last several years. People would call, stop in, saw the care he was getting. I guess they were relieved they didn't have to get involved. My stepson lives next door, by himself. He likes his solitude. My stepdaughter is starting a new chapter of her life living with a boyfriend. She has found true love. I'm happy for her. She's going to be experiencing what I had with her father. It's just so incomprehensible that these people forget that I'm still here and need to be shown respect and caring also. Has everyone forgotten my husband, except me?

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KMB,

I doubt they all forgot him, but I'm sure it feels that way to you.  Some people are very private in their grief or don't know what to say, or they're so wrapped up in their own grief they don't think of yours.  I'm sorry.  I wish I was there so I could be there for you.  My husband's family disappeared after the funeral.  I was everything to my husband, he'd be blown away by this.  He was a better son/brother/friend than they were, I'm afraid.

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My husband was the most caring, generous, selfless person. Even this past year, when he could barely walk, he was helping people, right up to his last day. Yes, there are those that do miss him. His son does miss him, but due to his inclination to stay isolated and because he didn't see his dad but maybe once or twice a month, he's admitted he doesn't miss his dad to the degree that I do. Once my husband's daughter got out of college and started her own life, she didn't visit all that much either. She's very much into herself. My husband understood his kids and why they behave the way they do. It has to do with their mom who treated them badly. I understood it also, but always had the hope they would change their attitudes and want family closeness before it was too late.

I don't know anything at this point in my life right now.

Thank you, KayC.

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You know your love for each other, hold on to that even when the rest of your world feels like it's spinning away.
Your husband and mine sound similar...mine was so caring, always doing for others.  Two weeks before he died, he was helping our friends move...actually, he took charge, was lifting heavy things like refrigerators...this with five blocked arteries (which we didn't know at the time).  Your husband sounds the same way, selfless.

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