Members Tiger and Bonnie's Mommy Posted October 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 Hello This is my first time participating in something like this, but I thought talking to people who are going through similar situations might help ease the pain. About two weeks ago my father brought me a kitten and it was probably a few days old and he was dying. He told me he had 3 other kittens with him who died because their mother was not feeding them. So I took him. I started feeding him warm milk mixed with water with a syringe, and I'd not let him out of my sight. And he got so much better and was full of life. So I got him a baby bottle and baby milk powder. He became my priority. I fell in love with him. And I already have 2 other cats who are 2 and 1 and a half year old but I put him first, even before myself. He loved me too, he would follow me everywhere and would not calm or sleep until I put him in my arms or chest or neck. Until yesterday I did what I usually do, I wrapped him in a towel in case he needs to pee because he's still too weak to use the litter box, and I sat on my computer, put him on my lap and he fell asleep. I thought he was sleeping so deep so I put him on the bed and went to do some stuff around the house. Then I made him some milk and went to wake him but he was dead. I tried giving him cpr but it was too late. He was cold and just dead. I don't know what happened, I must've killed him somehow.. Perhaps he couldn't breathe through the towel although I'm pretty certain his head was out, I did that everyday. Was it maybe my deodorant that choked him, because I put some on right before I carried him. I don't know what happened but I know it was me who killed him. They buried him yesterday and I asked them to not tell me where. I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, I couldn't stop crying since yesterday. I threw away his stuff and deleted his pictures to make this easier for me, a part of me regrets it though. I tried spending the day with my other cats. I was able to keep it together until I saw the milk powder and now I'm so heart broken again and can't stop crying. I keep seeing him in my head. I was trying to save his life and then I killed him. I just can't believe how it happened. The guilt is eating me and my heart is aching terribly. I don't know what to do to make it stop. I'm sorry for the long post, there's so much inside me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 7, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 It sounds like he just had failure to thrive, and I doubt you did anything wrong. You were a good Samaritan that did everything you could to save him, but he needed his mama cat and didn't get that. It's so hard to save them in these instances, we can try our best but sometimes can't save them all. I'm so sorry he died and for all you are going through. This is one of my favorite articles on guilt/loss of pet: http://www.veterinarywisdomprofessionals.com/resource_center/help_for_clients/client_handouts/a_dangerous_villain_guilt and another: http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tiger and Bonnie's Mommy Posted October 7, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2016 Thank you so much KayC. I appreciate you giving me the links. Still heartbreaking reading through them and remembering him and feeling all the guilt but I'm sure it will help me. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted October 8, 2016 Moderators Report Share Posted October 8, 2016 I hope so, you don't deserve the guilt feelings. It's bad enough having the missing them feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.