learning to cope

[mofirefly]

Hi - It breaks my heart to read of your loss.  The loss of your dad, which was somewhat easier to bear I understand because when my dad died, he too was older and seemed to fade away.  The loss of your beloved granddaughter tho - I'm at a loss of words - and that she was taken while you mom is still with you would indeed make you question WHY????   But we aren't aware of why things happen, we simply see what is in front of us.  I would suggest you might read the posts on the board for loss of a child (there is one topic Grief & Healing from a Christian Biblical Worldview that was started by 4reverjoeysmom).  The posts you read can be a tremendous amount of support because they are written by others who have had to endure the loss of someone they treasured.  Try each day to take time for yourself...finding a place where you don't have to put on a mask to cover how you are really feeling...and let your real emotions flow thru you, they will become easier to bear someday....take your own time to mend....and I truly believe you will become a better person.  Take care!

[angel44]

I know how you feel, why did  my mom die instead of other family members who didnt want to live? I wish you peace, i also dont know what to say to make it all better i wish i did. I go thru such loss after losing my mom in 07. I guess remember that is a human being in your mom and she did her best to love and feed and care for you so do the same for her.  Its says in the bible the least you did to my breathren you also did to me, Jesus says that. I guess keep that in your heart and just try to remember that she will be gone sooner than you think. I know i always thought that mine would be here also.. HUGS

[missingcurtis]

I have lost both of my parents.  It has been 15 years since my father passed away and there are days I still want to ask him something.

My mother has been gone for 11 years.  Of the two, losing my mother was the hardest.  I think partly because I am a woman but also because she was the last to go.

After my father died, my mother had to rely on her children.  She never learned to drive and although she did work it was not until all 6 children were old enough to take care of themself.

She held our family together.  Had Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinners and we all tried to make it home for the Holidays.

After she was gone, we never seem to get everyone in one place.  Maybe 2 or 3 of us girls will be together but never all the grandkids and their kids.  It was like she was the glue that held us together and we broke when she died.

Now I am a widow, alone with no children.  It is hard.  I miss my mother.  I know what she went through now after my father died.  And she had kids and grandkids.

I guess we all have to adjust to different things in our lives but I really dread spending the next 20 years alone.  Being a widow at 55 is not what I would have wished for.

Debbie

[socal2010]

I'm sorry for everyone's losses. I can relate to various things, like being the one in the family to pick up the pieces (since everyone else is too selfish to do it) and I also relate to dreading the future. I feel too young to already dread the future.

Leah I think your Mom probably acted that way with your Dad because she wasn't feeling well herself. I've seen that before, where the wife of many years will almost act upset with the husband for being ill. Maybe it's what happens after a lifetime of the wife "taking care" of the husband. Maybe it's burn out, I don't know. But that's great that you are taking care of your Mom. You are doing the right thing and you can always feel proud about that regardless of how little the other family members do. I'm in a similar situation, only it's with my Dad and me being the one who is here taking care of him while everyone else goes on with their lives. I know my Mom would be glad I'm here since she really didn't want him to end up in a convalescent home. My family has surprised me and I now have some clarity about the type of people they are. They aren't bad people, but they are not loyal and giving people either. They are selfish. They will help out as long as it doesn't interfere with their schedules. It took me a LONG time to see them for who they are because I guess I made excuses for them. It's better that I learned that now before I waste anymore time thinking I am in some way obligated to them.

I'm so sorry about your Granddaughter.  I have a cousin who died at 10, so I understand how hard that is on a family. I'm sure your Mom is in a depression over it so that's another reason why you reaching out to her is such a blessing in her life, even if she doesn't realize it.

(((hugs)))

[socal2010]

Oops I double posted sorry.

[angel44]

Ty Leah for the kind words i appreciate them - but if it does get to hard do consider  home health care. They could maybe help out just a few days a week at least.

 Do give your self small breaks bc other wise you too will get burn out - i know i got tired also many times and wished for some one to take my place but no one in the family ever did at all. They treated my mom like she was a nothing. Sister, father all of them. They were such selfish people in every way. I really miss my mom also as she was the only normala nd decent family i had, her sister barbara is the only other one who is kind to me. And my dad and sister try to be at times at least. But thats it, i have countless cousins etc and they have nothing at all to do with me as i dont have the status symbols they have. They are the most cruel and selfish people ever.

They never came to the funeral, local for them or anything at all.  But thats ok God has helped me to make it this far. I know he will continue to help me also. He brought me a kind and loving husband about a year after my mom died i met him online and we married this summer. I never thought i would ever find a husband, i live on very little and for many years really had nothing at all not even a car or anything to look like a normal person to the rest of the world i felt so lowly.

But then God brought my hubby to me and he helped me to get a car, fix my teeth and to live a normal life. He has been so good to me i am so surprised as i didnt know for sure  if we had rushed things when we got married. We had only known each other for a year before we were married give or take. But God has made things work real well.

God always makes things turn out ok, Hugs and peace also, Angel.