Lost after my father died

[Rachel007]

I'm 25 and my dad passed away unexpectedly from complications due to a heart attack. It happened a few weeks after my birthday. He was in the hospital on life support for two weeks, but there was no hope for him so we had to let him go. He died in June, and everything has gone downhill since. My sister fought with me and told me I didn't care enough, then came over to my house and attacked me in the middle of the night and cussed me out telling me it's not my house, it's hers, and I contribute nothing. I left my job for a few months so I could be there for my mom who is not coping well. She has to take several pills daily to numb herself and she has not once been here for me, she has borderline personality disorder and regularly yells at me over mundane things. This whole time everyone has given me the blame for everything, for some reason I am the punching bag of the family. I was coping somewhat well until having relationship issues and restarting my job (I am also in a fast paced school program). I have suffered severe anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, night terrors, and hallucinations at night. I also have digestive issues and feel terrible 24/7. I can't tell anyone this because nobody cares. My mom is the only one allowed to feel pain I guess. Everybody I try to talk to tells me I either need pills or therapy because it's "not normal". I've recently given up my therapist because he was definitely not a match for me. I feel life isn't worth living and I have nothing to look forward to without my dad. And I'm trapped in a house with someone who is emotionally abusive and demands constant attention. I just want someone's input on this situation??? Thanks.

[wistletone]

I just posted this for someone else, but I'm posting it for you.  I'm so sorry that everyone has fallen apart around you. I can only tell you I understand a lot about it.  If your therapist wasn't working for you, don't give up... find another one, and find a grief counselor as soon as possible.  There is no "normal" in grief.  Everyone is different.   There is nothing wrong with needing therapy either.  Please read the note below.  God bless you.

First, I'm sorry for your loss.  I lost both of my parents recently and it has been very difficult. You are not alone.  There are people who can help you with counseling and medication if necessary.   I want you to have the number below.  Please call them, and talk to someone.  You would need a doctor who can prescribe the right kind of medication and help you find a counseling whereever you are.  Start with this number if you are even thinking of harming yourself. Second Call the nearest hospital and ask to speak with a social worker. They will give you information for grief counseling.  This is too hard to do alone.  Third, feel free to express your feelings here.  No one will judge you. We have all suffered loss in different ways.  There is compassion and understanding.  But please call the number below if you are in crisis and contact a grief counselor.  They can refer you to a doctor who can help with medication that are appropriate.  God bless you.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

 

Call 1-800-273-8255