Only 2 weeks in

[Janice 252]

Hi everyone. My husband passed away very suddenly 2 weeks ago. He was watching football. I decided to go out to see my mum and went to say goodbye and he was gone. It was a massive heart attack. We had been together for 49 years and I don't know how I am going to go on. We had such a lovely life and we both understood that. Every day I thanked God for being so good to us. I have 2 lovely daughters but they have lost their dad so I try not to worry them about me. Everyone says their grandchildren get them through but we did a lot of child minding together and I'm not sure I can cope with them on my own. They're good kids and I love them dearly but I don't know when or if I will be able to do it again. Sorry for rambling. Reading all your stories is helping me.Sending best wishes to you all.

[KMB]

Hi Janice---I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort, guidance, here. Don't apologize for rambling, most of us do that. We need to get our stories and emotions out there, we need the comfort, solace ,we are not alone. I spend way too much time on my computer as a distraction. Sometimes it works. I also sit mindlessly in front of the tv. I've been lost and confused for almost 7 weeks now. My husband also passed of an instant heart attack. It happened after he had gotten up at night to go to the bathroom. I didn't know until morning. I stayed busy the first couple of weeks taking care of his end of life arrangements, wishes. What drove me through was that I had to do those last things for him as he wanted.Reality would hit in between.  I am going to my first grief support meeting Thursday night at a local hospice office. Small group of people in the group currently which for me is better than a large crowd. I need to do something to be with other people who are going through the same unbearable loneliness and have to find a way to start over. I have very limited support and I need to do this if I'm to get through this in one piece. Maybe down the road, you'll consider grief support also. Hugs to you---you are not alone.

[Janice 252]

Thank you so much for coming back to me. I know we're all grieving but I thought no one was going to reply. I hope your support group brings you some comfort. I've been told not to go for a few weeks yet which is probably sensible . I got a few hours sleep last night but this is the worst time when I wake up and it hits me all over again. I'm 66 and I have never lived on my own . The house is so quiet . I'm trying to get through all the paperwork but it seems endless. Today I am going with my daughter to pick up my granddaughter from school and Im dreading it. It's just one more thing we'll never do together again. Sorry I'm rambling again. Don't seem to be capable of any kind of rational thought. Please reply again if you can. I do appreciate it. Sending hugs to you too . Janice x

[KayC]

I am sorry for your loss and hope you will get comfort from this site, realizing you are not alone.  You have lost your husband, your children their father, perhaps it'd help to share memories with each other.  My mom always said she appreciated that she could talk with me about my dad...she lost him 32 years before she died.

[KMB]

I hope you are doing better. Words are hard to put down, but the feelings are there. I could not sleep in the beginning either. After 2 or 3 days at a time, I would sleep simply from the emotional/mental exhaustion. Now, I stay up later until I feel I can sleep. Sleep is an escape. I don't dream like I used to. It's like I go into a black void. It's the minds way of coping I guess. I hate getting up in the morning. I stay in bed far later than I used to. I used to be a morning person, my husband would be at work and I would have some of the days things done by the time I get up now, so I could spend time and take care of him when he got home. We were together for 25 years. I don't know what to do and everything seems pointless right now. People say it's gets easier, just takes time and patience. A friend recently told me to just get up and just *do*, when it comes to all the things I used to do like cleaning, chores, etc. don't think, just do. Go outside, take walks. Develop new routines. Baby steps. My husband was called home, it was his time. It's supposed to be my time now to take care of me. Don't worry about rambling, I still do it myself. We need people to listen and care. I have problems with rational thinking also, the brain fog. Our minds are dealing with the emotional trauma of loss.

Do whatever you think will help you. Just take a few deep breaths, take it one minute at a time. If you've been going to church, go back and pray for support and guidance and peace. Go to grief support or counseling when you feel you need to, not when other people tell you to. Pain and heartache are natural responses. We are human beings, we weren't given the knowledge and tools to deal with loss when we were born. It's a learning experience. Take your time, do whatever you feel like doing. If you feel like crying, do it, it does relieve some of the pressure. Scream if you need to. Throw things, beat a pillow. The mind and heart need the release. Your husband is watching over you. I talk to my husband. I'm trying to get through this for him.

Hugs to you---keep in touch please!

[cgmiller63]

I am so sorry for your loss.  My husband suddenly passed away 3 weeks ago. He was 43 and had an pulmonary embolism. I can totally relate to the emptiness you are feeling,   Do what you feel is right for you. If you don't want to pick up the grand-kids, don't do it. This is the time to put yourself first.

 

[Janice 252]

Thank you so much. Today was hard. I spent the afternoon with my 3 grandchildren. They're young just 2,3 and 5 years old. Children just accept things. My 3 yr old keeps saying "granddad's heart stopped beeping so now he's dead " I want to enjoy them as I always did but I'm so exhausted. I can only sleep if I take tablets and much as I try to eat and know I should I just can't. Maybe a bit of toast but even the smell of proper cooked food makes me feel sick. Thanks for listening. This site has been a godsend. Hugs to you all. X

[Janice 252]

Morning. Just wanted to say hi and to hope that everyone finds some strength to get through the day. I've been awake from the early hours. My lovely son in law has just called to put out the bins for me. I actually can't open the back gate. My husband looked after all those things. I kept asking him to fix it but he said there was no need... Keep in touch everyone please. Sending hugs x

 

 

 

[KMB]

Hi Janice---I didn't sleep last night either. It's so hard trying to put one foot in front of the other during the day. I'm so emotionally exhausted, that I thought I could sleep last night. My mind won't shut off. I have a dental cleaning this morning. Felt like canceling it but I'm going to force myself to go and get it done. The last time I went to the dentist, my husband was here, waiting for me. There's been a few *firsts*. Have to get through them somehow.

Hope you have a good day---many hugs---we all need them!

[Janice 252]

Hi KMB. Every morning I get up and wish it was time to go to bed. Hope your dental appointment goes ok. I take it they know what has happened. I need to get my hair cut but I think I'll have to send my daughter in first and tell them about my husband. I don't think I could get the words out. I've got family calling this afternoon including Bill's aunt who is 83 and has dementia but will no doubt remember all about him. And his best friend is calling in tonight to tell me about the tributes paid to Bill at the wine society they belonged to. Don't know if any of it is going to help me. I just want him back. Sending hugs and strength to get us through another day. X

[KayC]

Praying you get through the day and are somehow surprised with something good in it.  I know it's hard.

[Janice 252]

Thanks Kay. Everyone has gone home and I am going to bed. It has become my safe place. Curtains pulled. TV on. Hope you got through today OK. Sending hugs x

[KMB]

Hugs back to you Janice.  Another day is almost done. Pat yourself on the back or give yourself a hug that you made it through!

[Janice 252]

Another night with so little sleep. Then I dreamt I heard my husband in the bathroom and I actually felt him getting back into bed beside me. Then I woke up. Today I am going to the coast for a few days with the family. It was booked months ago and we were all looking forward to it and I know Bill would want us to go but I'm not sure if it's wise or not.  Hope you all get through another day. My thoughts are with you. Keep in touch. Sending hugs. X

 

[KMB]

Hi Janice---If you dreamt about your husband and felt him getting into bed, it's a sign from him that he is still with you. Find some peace and comfort from that sign. Go to the coast with your family, your husband will be with you.

I found a website last night. I have been considering a medium reading but I want to be in a better frame of mind, more stable and accepting of my loss before I would do that. I would not pick this particular medium though because of his high fee but there are comforting things to read on the website. Evidence of eternity. The medium wrote some books and instead of ordering off the website, I found it much cheaper on ebay. It's called *never letting go*. It explains the afterlife and how our loved ones are always still there for us. It has excellent reviews and is a great help for us going through the grieving, gives us hope that we are not alone and that our loved ones are just in another dimension of life. I ordered a cheap, paperback from a goodwill. I need something to grasp onto, to help me through this lonely emptiness.

Find your strength to get through another day, go with your family for a few days---being with family will bring you comfort----hugs

[Janice 252]

Hi  KMB. This weekend is hard. I'm in the master suite on the 2nd floor as all the other bedrooms are on the ground floor and obviously my daughters want to be beside their kiddies. So I'm in this beautiful room with amazing views and I'm all alone. If Bill was here we would be chatting about our day where we'd been , the funny things the grandchildren had said or done. I'm alone in this enormous bed and my heart is breaking. Today we went for a lovely walk and had a picnic but I just want to cry and I don't because I'm trying not to bring the family down any more than they are. In some ways I'll be glad to get home but I'm dreading going through my front door. Hope you're coping. Sending hugs xx

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[KayC]

Yesterday was my birthday...no matter how much time goes by, it's always hard to do birthdays without my George, yesterday was no exception.  At least I still have my sisters and kids, although I don't get to see my kids much.

Hoping things get better for both of you.  Don't worry about bringing your family down, I'm sure they care and want to help, just let them know what you do and don't need.

[KMB]

Hi Janice---Weekends are hard no matter where you are. Talk to your Bill, tell him everything you've done with your family, tell him how you feel! He can hear you. He would be proud of you for finding the courage to take this weekend family trip. I'm sure he is there in spirit enjoying all of his family.

I spent this afternoon visiting my new grandbaby. It hasn't hit me yet about being a grandma due to my missing my husband. The baby was born 4 1/2 weeks after my husband passed. I think it was part of God's plan to bring a new life into this world for me. The joy of this baby is very much overshadowed by my grief but I'm hoping in time it gets easier.

I understand about you wanting to get home but not wanting to walk through the door. I cope with that every day. Just like a little bit ago when I came home. Anybody else would think I'm nuts, but when I come back from somewhere, I call out to my husband that *I'm home dear*. We all have different coping mechanisms---I talk to my husband sometimes aloud and in my head. He answers if I'm trying to tune in and be aware. Anything that brings comfort.

Hang in there Janice!