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cgmiller63

Unexpected loss of husband

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September 9, 2016 at 9:01am I lost my best friend, the love of my life, my soul mate.  We had been together for 17 years, married 15 of those years.  My husband had been having difficulty breathing (he thought he was catching a chest cold) for a few days.  We went to urgent care where they did a chest xray and EKG and found nothing unusual, 2 days later he died of a pulmonary embolism. He was 43, how the hell does something like this happen?

I am beyond devastated. How does God take someone so good and kind at such a young age?

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Jade954   

Hi,

I have no idea why things like this happen. our situations are very similar. I lost my husband unexpectedly on September 2, 2016 4:53 am. 45 years old.  We were together 19 years and married for 15. My heart is broken in two. Nothing is the same. I am in complete shock!!! He was my everything my best friend.  I want to talk to him to see what the heck happened. How did that morning go so horrible wrong.  I still don't know why he died. 

 

 

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As we are all, unfortunately, finding out, sometimes there are just terrible accidents and horrible circumstances. 
I am so sorry (to both of you) for the loss of your husbands and the loss of the lives you knew for years. 

Continue to reach out for support as you traverse the first few weeks. As much as I hate to admit it, this is only the beginning. 

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Ellie   

CGMiller, I'm terribly sorry for your devastating loss.  You will find many others on this site who have experienced very similar heartbreaking losses of their partners/spouses, often extremely suddenly.  When the death is sudden (I lost Drew, my soulmate, 10 weeks ago in a tragic accident), we have to deal not only with the grief and devastation of losing someone so dear, so close, but also with the shock and disbelief of the situation.  It still hasn't quite sunk in for me that he's really gone, that this isn't some horrible nightmare or mistake.  And, because it's a spouse/partner, we also find that every single nuance of our daily life is affected.  It's different from losing a parent or a friend, when you don't live together and share everyday routine things, and you don't go to sleep together, wake up together, share meals, etc.  There's no escaping the emptiness at any point of the day, and you're living in the household you shared with constant reminders.  Not only have you lost this enormous part of your present, but you're also dealing with having your entire future ripped away from you, without warning.

My already broken heart is breaking for you now, too.

Ellie

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Very sorry for your loss. My wife was smiling, dancing and trying on new clothes. Absolutely nothing wrong with her, she was happy and healthy. 5 hours later she went to sleep and never woke up. I still don't know why.

I know your pain.

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I just picked up his ashes yesterday and brought him home. It gives me a little comfort to know he's home but at the same time I just want to scream.

I'm having such a difficult time trying to wrap my head around this.  I am always the first person to say "everything happens for a reason" and "God has a plan" but right now I am having a hard time believing that this was God's plan.  Why give me the love of my life only to rip him away from me?  I want to believe my husband's spirit is still with me and he is by my side but I'm finding it difficult to even believing in God at this time.  Our future was so bright and now everything seems so bleak.

He was a Sheriff's Deputy so the entire Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department has been very supportive and helpful through out this process.  I have a very large family and they are a great comfort but nothing can fill this huge hole I feel.  I just want to curl up into a ball and cry but I force myself to get up each morning and get out of bed.  I just want this pain and emptiness to go away. I want my husband back!

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KayC   

I am so sorry...it took a lifetime to find my soulmate and we knew each other 6 1/2 years, married 3 years 8 months...he died barely 51.  I wish we could have had 50 years together, but our life was cut all too short.

I am glad you have the support of the sheriff's dept., they are a close knit group that cares for one of their own.

I'm glad you found this place and hope you continue to post.

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I had dinner with a friend last night,  she lost her husband in February 2011.  He had been working the graveyard shift and in order to stay awake he had been drinking a lot of energy drinks. This sent his heart into arrhythmia which caused a lack of oxygen and rendered him brain dead.  He was only 41 years old.

After dinner she took me to a group reading with a medium. Although my husband did not come through for me, other people's loved ones came through. It was a very cool experience. I left the reading with a renewed hope that my husband was not lost to me forever.  This morning I woke up with such a peace in my heart and this peace has stayed with me throughout the day.  I am hopeful that I will be seeing signs from my husband soon.

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KayC   

I'm glad you felt encouraged by it.  And very glad you have a friend who understands.

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ilise   

I'm crushed to know so many other people, SO MANY, are going through the same unbearable pain that took over my life on 9/27/16. I lost my love, my 51 yo husband to a GI bleed that caused cardiac arrest. I watched the life drain out of him and can't fathom that this nightmare is real.

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KMB   

So sorry for your loss, ilise. I hope you will find comfort and friends here.  Do you have support of family and friends? Is there someone that can stay with you?

Prayers and hugs to you.

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KayC   

ilise,

I'm so sorry for your loss too...my husband was barely 51 when he died, way too young, heart attack, sudden and unexpected.  It was on his third day in the hospital that he had his fatal one, awaiting surgery that was never to be...the surgery that was to give him a new lease on life.  He looked the picture of health, muscular, not an ounce overweight.

This is a safe place to come to where you'll be heard and understood.

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Hello to you all - what a horrific thing it is we all share.  I've been coming on this site for about a week and I find it a momentary refuge from the most intense anguish since losing my beautiful beautiful husband 21 days ago.  My Steve died awaiting surgery for an MRSA type heart infection - he was 51.  We were just two days past our 6th anniversary and we were so totally in love.  I buried my mum in July - the three of us lived together and now I am here alone.  I think i feel him and smell his lovely smell sometimes - or is it that I just want to - it doesn't matter.  In those moments he's in my world.

I just wanted to introduce myself to you all and will post more, especially if I feel I can share something, help someone.

I feel for you all and wish you well with what's ahead

With love

The loved Mrs T

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KMB   

So very sorry, Loved Mrs T. I know what MRSA is. Back in early 2006, my husband was in the hospital being treated for one infection when the hospital also gave him MRSA. Scared my husband and I both. My husband went through 2 different long treatments of antibiotics (Vancomycin) that weren't working. The MRSA was discovered in a toe bone and because there is very little blood circulation in bones, it was decided for my husband to have the toe amputated. My husband had long term high blood pressure and diabetes. The year after the MRSA scare, he had quad bypass, later that year, a hip replacement and the following year, the other hip replaced. Life went back to normal, my husband was a workaholic and we thought things would be fine as long as he was taking meds and insulin. They were for 2 years. In the late fall of 2010, he had a mini stroke. After whatever recovery he gained, he cut back work to part time. The main health conditions were taking a toll on my husband's body. Kidneys started going and he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. No cure for the heart issue. During the last 2 years it was heart breaking to see the decline and his heart finally gave out.

Sorry that I rambled. You came to the right place to share and receive comfort. Life can be so unfair when we face loss. Prayers and hugs to you.

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Thank you KMB - I like the ramble - our loves had so much in common.  A previous heart infection in 2013 caused lesions on the brain - Steve fitted while out shopping - fell and broke his hip - so hip replacement; heart valve replacement; roth spot in his eye; 112lbs weight and on and on.  He survived all of that - we got another 3 amazing years.  But he couldn't beat this one.  No so not fair!

Hugs to you too -to everyone -  I hope you get some breaks in the pain?

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KayC   

Loved Mrs T,

I'm sorry you lost your husband...mine was also 51 when he died.  I thought we'd have at least 20 more years together!

I'm sorry Steve went through so much, no it's not fair!

You're very new in this journey...the pain is immense in those early days/months, but it doesn't stay at that intensity forever, thank God.  We couldn't handle it on any sustained basis.  I'm eleven years into this journey, it took me about three years to process his death, and what I had at that time is pretty much what I've lived with, although I've continued learning throughout this journey.  The missing him continues forever but I've learned to carry my grief with me.  It's important to stay in the present and not take on the whole "rest of your life" as it's too much.  Besides, staying in the present helps us not miss what is in this moment.  I learned to look for what good there is in life...sometimes it was a stretch, simple things like a stranger opening the door for you, a beautiful sunset, a puppy's kiss, a phone call from a friend.  Nothing big like having the love of my life with me...that is gone, but in looking for what joy there is, it has caused me to fully appreciate.  It has taken concerted effort and this grief journey has been a lot of work.

Everyone's journey is as unique as they are...and as their relationship with their loved one.  One day at a time!

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Dear KayC and to all you others sharing this - I just send all my love to you.  This is heartbreaking.  I really appreciate the one day at a time; one hour at a time; one minute at a time message.  Yes - it is too much when you start thinking long term - a panic sets in that is difficult to break out of.  After 23 days alone I now have some family around me and I'm allowing myself some distraction from the reality.  I feel OK about this.  Steve would want me to take comfort from where I can.  But there is a feeling of wanting to be by myself again with my memories (and this website) Yes Ilise it does feel safe here doesn't it!  Because I have been alone, Steve's family are not involving themselves with the funeral arrangements at all, I have full reign and I'm finding the deep personal involvement very comforting - a labour of love.  Steve is having a woodland burial and I am taking the service myself - taking a handle on the hand drawn cart - lowing my love into his hand cut grave.  I don't know if you have this in the US?  But any  newbies like myself coming on to the site - the level of personal involvement is helping me so much and if it can help any of you I'd be so so glad for you.

Thinking of you all tonight (its 5.30am UK time).

With love

Alison

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KayC   

I'm not sure what a woodland burial is, but I think it's cathartic planning and pouring yourself into the service you have for him, at least it was for me.  It was after that was over that I kind of felt a "now what?"...finding purpose takes more time than i care to say but all of this is individual depending on our own personalities and situation and how we handle things.

It's 2:00 am here Pacific Standard Time...getting older sometimes brings insomnia, ugh.

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Hi Alison. I'm glad you found us . There are some wonderful people on here who have been a great comfort to me over the last few weeks. I lost my Bill 5 weeks ago. We had been married for 46 years. It was very sudden. Bill was at the gym 6 days a week. Just 2 weeks before he died he had a check up with the dr. Blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar all good. I thought he was having a nap but when I tried to wake him I realised he had passed away. No warning no illness no preparation for this nightmare. Dialled 999 and even tried doing CPR myself but it was all too late. I don't know if I will ever get over the shock let alone process the grief. Your plans for the funeral are beautiful. Steve must be sending you lots of strength to be able to take it yourself . I really admire you for doing it your way. We had a conventional service but kept it private as I only wanted family and friends there who we both loved . I didn't want people turning up because they thought they should. Even then it was so hard to get through. Keep in touch and let us know how it goes. I'm in the UK too. Clocks go back tomorrow. The night will be even longer. Hopefully we will find something brighter to focus on in the days to come. Sending hugs. Janice x

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KMB   

Sending heart felt thoughts and prayers for all of you. We are all on this same path together. There doesn't seem to be any understanding to our purpose for being in this life. I was given a wonderful person to love and care for, I built my purpose around him and then he was taken from me. The emptiness and lonelyness are unbearable and I can't believe how I manage to get through each day. I lost both my grandmothers when I was in high school. Don't remember how I got through that. Lost 2 uncles and a grandfather when my husband was here for me. Lost pets and my husband was here for me. My husband lost his mother before I met him. My husband and I were there for each other when his father passed away. We went through the loss of good friends together. Now, I have to somehow survive the loss of my husband, best friend, my everything.

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