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Newton23

My Sister Died

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I lost my 35-year old sister to a car accident three days ago.  I'm not handling it well.  My heart is racing; hands shaking.  I just want to die and be with her.  For all my life, my sister has been there for me.  She took care of me, was my best friend and my heart.  We worked in the same office and now I can't stand the thought of going to work alone.  My mother is not handling it well either.  It's just us now, me and my mother.  I don't want to keep going if I can't have my sister here with me.  I think I'm not as manic as I would be because even now I'm making vague plans to join her.  The only thing that's stopping me is my mother.  I don't want to leave her alone.  Of course, people will say, "Well, what would your sister think?"  I can't answer that, because she's gone, died horribly at a way too young age.  I haven't slept much since I found out because I'm afraid I'll dream about her and have to realize it all over again when I wake up.  I can't do this.  I can't.

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I understand the horrific experience you go through when you suddenly lose a loved one in a car accident. I am the oldest sibling at 24 years old, my youngest sister Julia died in a car accident this October, 1st, 2016. She was only 17 years old, she was so beautiful and trying really hard to get through high school and graduate grade 12 this spring. However, she never made it. I thought going away for christmas with my family would help try to relax and cope better with the loss. Since losing her I cannot sleep, I started experiencing severe panic attacks in the middle of the night, I wake up struggling to breath and feeling like I am going to vomit. At the worst I had 6 panic attacks in one night. After going away for christmas arriving home the panic attacks have started again, when I sleep, drive the car, or even cooking dinner. I am normally a very positive happy person. Losing her so suddenly at such important moments in both our lives, we were both on the brink of moving forward to the next stages of life, me moving out and her graduating high school. I am tormented that I can never see her again or hear her voice again. I cannot deal with the idea of moving forward with life not having her around. The positive me is struggling but I am trying to keep going in her memory. I understand what you mean when you say you can't do this. I am so sorry you lost your sister. 

 

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Thank you for your condolences.  It's been over three months, and I still struggle every day with the pain.  I, too, struggle with panic attacks.  I even ended up in the Emergency Room with chest pains and high blood pressure/blood sugar (I'm a diabetic).  My doctor eventually prescribed anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication.  I can only sleep if I take a sleeping pill.  I can't say that I'm any closer to accepting my sister's passing than I was the day I posted my original post.  Most days, I'm just numb with a sense of heaviness in my chest that won't leave.  I still have to work my day job, and though there are many sympathetic people there, it pains me to put on a straight face and pretend like everything is fine when I simply want to fall apart and crawl into a dark hole.

It's a tragedy that you lost your sister, right on the cusp of her graduating high school.  I understand the fear of moving on with your life without your loved one by your side.  I am thirty-two years old and I am terrified of the thought of living the rest of my life without my sister.  I refuse to think far into the future.  I try to take life now a day at a time so I won't get overwhelmed.  The pain continues to be unrelenting, but I have to say speaking to other people who have also lost loved ones has been comforting.  You and your family are in my thoughts.  Please take care.

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