Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
Lisazblues

Lost dad to liver cancer

Recommended Posts

Hi....

my fathr died from what was probably secondary liver cancer on Sunday, 9/18.  He was fine and passed a physical with a perfect blood test in July. Then he started losing weight and got very tired in August but he was 71 so my mom and I figured he was just getting older and we go to a pool club and it was so hot. He fell and then said his back and shoulder hurt him so we atributed it to that. Come end of August, after my mom kept telling him to go to the dr for his pain... Which he refused and said he would deal with at the end f the summer.... his legs started to swell. Then he started losing weight like crazy, was exhausted and stopped eating. He got the diagnosis on 9/9, went into hospital on 9/13 and was gone by 9/18.  He was so weak that they couldn't even do a biopsy to find out any info. They just saw tumors and bleeding in his liver. His kidneys failed, his blood pressure dropped and it was over. He was being kept alive with meds and dialysis until my sister got here. She lives near Africa and I'm in ny. Then he requested everything be turned off and he passed 26 hours later in hospice in the hospital. We couldn't even bring him home because he was so sick and it happened so fast.   I am devastated for myself, my mom, and my children. I feel so guilty. How did we not know?  The Drs said that even if he knew in June or July it was too late since the first sign was weight loss and that means ts already at the liver and the survival rate is like 2%. How does a person go from fine to dead in 3 weeks?  Did he know how sick he was and just didn't want to deal?  He was a nervous person and never wanted to do chemo. I could go on and on but that's basically it. Any response is appreciated. 

 

Thanks 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi there and so sorry for your loss.  Losing a parent is one of the most devastating experiences of life, especially when it happen suddenly.  Even though you had a few days it must still feel sudden.  Please know that guilt is a part of grieving.  I don't completely understand where it comes from, but it probably comes in part to our modern ability to solve critical health problems better than in the past.  We feel there's something we should be able to do, or should have done.  Unfortunately, that is often just not the case. It doesn't stop people form blaming themselves though.  Unfortunately is sounds like your dad may have suspected something was wrong, and on some level made a choice not pursue it.  Couple that with random chance of getting a serious illness.  There is nothing you could have done, and your father is not to blame either.  Reading through some of the other posts may help you put your guilt in perspective.  It's such a common, and spoken of feeling on these boards and no one really deserves to feel that guilt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you so much for your response. It was very sudden and occurred in the space of two weeks. I have read many other posts and perhaps the most comforting thing is, while it saddens me others have to go through this, is that we were not alone in this experience and many others were blind sided by their family Member having cancer and going quickly. The comfort is that we are not the only ones who didn't notice or who were unaware of what was happening, all the while saddened by the fact that others went through this horrific experience and will continue to every day. It's sickening. I will continue reading ther posts and try not to blame myself but it will take time. I never blamed my dad. I feel like we failed him. It's so hard. Thank you for your kind words. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lisazblues, I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn't help but notice your topic because your dad's illness is quite similar to my mom's who passed away nearly 2 years ago (Oct. 4, 2014): in fact, her docs were never entirely sure if she suffered from bile duct cancer or liver cancer. I've written quite a lot about it here on at least 2 threads, Still missing my mom (last post was sometime in 2015) and Approaching the second anniversary of my mom's passing (on page 4 or 5 here), so I'll spare all the details, but it went very quickly. At the beginning of the year, no one would have thought she had any problems--until her stroke in April. Even then, we thought she was recovering very well before she was diagnosed in mid-June that year (this is after we noticed swelling in her legs). In July, she was hospitalized again, and even though we thought we saw improvement, she deteriorated very rapidly. Like you, I felt wracked with guilt too as you will see in my threads. And trust me when I say that there's probably not much you could have done.

Anyway, this is a wonderful site: if it were not for some of these people here, I'm not sure I would even be alive today since I felt so overwhelmed by grief. It's helped me tremendously to write about my mom, share memories, and vent. And it's helped even more to hear from others. Please feel free to post on the daily thread. I am not always there, but many others are. They are some of the best people I have ever come across. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
bedarm   

I am sorry for your loss.  My father passed on 8/20/2016 of the exact same thing. He was 73.  He was a Vietnam Vet and went undiagnosed until I started going with him to the VA and figured out he had liver cancer.  Likely from agent orange exposure.  I was able to get him out of the VA system and into a private hospital of which he went through numerous chemo embolization's, of which helped and gave him to us for another year.  In the end, he went through the swelling of the legs, kidney failure, and of course cardiac arrest.  From all that I know about the disease it is not something that occurs overnight.  It develops over years and it can be contributed to multiple things.  Some believe agent orange, diabetes, the use of Metformin, alcohol use, hepatitis, and obesity.  It is not an easy thing to watch, but if your dad was anything like mine he was stubborn.  Unfortunately, my mother died ten days later on 8/30/2016 just three days after burying my dad.  I am here now because I am getting hit with emotions that I am unable to describe.   My mom had a aortic mechanical valve replacement in March and was in multiple hospitals since.  She however died of sepsis and circulatory shock. Hang in there.  I wish I could say it gets better, but I don't know about that. God Bless.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×