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Living without you


Kelly C

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I lost my son on march 14, 2016 to heroine overdose. They say that time will heal my pain but I don't see it at all. The pain is so deep and real and I don't know how to go on without him. 

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Oh Kelly ~

i am so sorry for your great loss of your dear son.

i have learned thru the loss of first one then the other of the two sons I had that loved me in word and deed.

if anything GREIF gets worse in the first few years , especially in the second year as is becomes more real as one moves outa the total shock

stage when one first learns of their loss..

really this stage of shock , to me, saves ones life for how could one feel the total impact and still live ?

anyway , to me time does ,way down the line, lessen the total overwhelming tramAtic shock to ones body soul & spirit.

right now I suspect it is all you can do just to face each day without your son,

then you have people who know nothing , telling you things that may be well meaning, yet I have learned that a lotta what others say is about making them feel better or trying to get off the topic..or, get this, to make you stop crying..

anyway.

keep posting here .

keep pouring out all you feel or think or do to survive.

here is a place where people actually understand because they have , so to speak, walked in your shoes..

even tho our loss have different circumstances,,,,,losing a loved one .... And the GREIF that goes with It have many similarities as far as trying to adjust your body, soul, & spirit to life here on planet earth without our loved ones.

keep doing whatever YOU  can or need to do to survive . 

RAiNiE

 

 

 

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So sorry for your loss, I lost my daughter on 22 may from the same deadly drug. Heart aching every day.

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I'm also sorry for your loss. It just seems like my days get harder rather than getting an easier.  I always just keep asking God "why?"  

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Oh Kelly ~

boy can I relate ~

i remember one day after asking for the umpteenth time of ask the 'why' question ~

i herd this response in my head ~

" RAiNiE ~ what makes you think if I answered your question that ~ you'd you'd understand ? "

And yes,

pit does get worse before one comes to the time one thinks one is going to survive this loss ~~

and the when, is way down the line & different for each person..

i care and you & I have walked in each other's shoes even tho different circumstances ~

may God give you His peace that passes understanding as you need it..

Rainie

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In this life I won't ever understand and I probably won't ever know why. I understand that God does not put on us more than we can handle but I don't think I can handle much more. I also lost my dad last month. 

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Oh Kelly,

that scripture u referred to on God not giving us more than we can Handel ~

my understandind is it is more about the fact that if we do not give up ~~ do not despite ~ God will help us find a way out of giving up,

His strength to keep going.

no way will I ever accept that God put on me the deaths of my sons...

we live in this fallen world,,

just what I have learned in my seeking the truth about the God I serve..

life is hard to say the least.

one never knows what life may through at us.

now, for me,

whene er I feel overwhelmed over something ~ I try to remember that I have already survived many times over what shoulda killed me.

losing each of my sons made the hell I went thru in my childhood PALE in the face of losing my sons.

i am so happy that web sites like this are still available for here is where I have found the only understanding, care, compaction from people and ever do I read or see al, the words , ideas that people think they know when they tell the bear eaves to 'get over, move on ect in their well meaning ignorance .

RAiNiE.      

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I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Sadly I also lost my son only 6 months ago. The pain is so ever fresh. 

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I feel so lost without her. I have another daughter but she doesn't live with us and I'm not as close to her. She's also dealing with it. I was so close to my addict daughter - some say that's good some say that's bad. She shared so much with me. I worried about her all the time. I was always waiting for a phone call or text, wanting to hear she was okay.

It's so hard now knowing I'll never have another call or text from her. 

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Oh Janice ,

i am so sorry for your great loss.

when I lost my son ( he too, had issues ( human frailties) that others thought made his value less ~

he had such a big heart, always trying to help others ~ he, to judged himself by his human frailties.

each of us somehow find our way thru this heartbreaking , soul crushing loss.

haveing this place to come too is what saved me with this loss and my other son .

it is so hard, & seems impossible to find our way to how to adjust to hide here on planet earth without our dear 

beloved ones.

RAiNiE

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HI Kelly my name is also kelly & i can so relate to you i lost my mom unexpectedly december 7 2015 then lost my eldest son on january 16 2016 to a heroin overdose & then my best friend passed away march 12 2016. so when you say you cant take anymore i TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS. THIS IS A VERY PAINFUL JOURNEY

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It's something so hard to wrap my head around as to why we're put thru so much pain of losing loved ones right after another. I thought that because my son went to treatment that he would be ok from his heroin addiction but only three weeks later he was gone. I don't understand. I'm also sorry for your great loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. 

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Oh , Kelly,

i am so very sorry you lost your dear son,,,

sometimes I happens this way ~~~~~ as you said, your son was getting help,,,your heart felt a little lighter,

then BOOM like a bomb , your heart and soul, and physic have been totally TRAMATIZED.

i care,

keep getting all your words out hear..

even tho circumstances are different,,

i walk in your shoes,,,,I am farther along and I know 

what your are, and will be going thru at being so early in your loss.

sending you hugs and genuine care,

Rainie

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Thank you.  I'm having a very hard day. Friday is 7 months since he's been gone and all I'm doing is crying today. 

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Dear Kelly,

you are right on track,

perfectly normal for u to be where u are at.

only 8 months.

not near enough time for u to figure out how to adjust to your sone being gone,,,let alone to heal

from a broken heart and soul.

Rainie

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I can't even think straight .... it feels like it just happened yesterday 

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My son Tommy who i lost in aug 2015 was a former heroin addict. I lived in terror of  getting that awful call saying he had overdosed and died but in fact he had been clean for over a year and lost his life trying to save his suicidal friend from jumping off a 14 storey building. My son died his friend survived WHY?? I feel your pain it does not matter how our children die its the fact that they are gone from us in this life and how we can pick up the pieces and go on. hugs

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Hello ladies! Your pain resonates through me as I just lost my son to a heroin overdose last Monday October 10th 2016.     He was twenty and such an amazing person. I am finding it difficult enough to cope with the pain but then on top of this we must also face the guilt of failing to save our children when we knew the dangers. While I know guilt is normal and logically I know  I did everything I could think of in my power and would never have stopped trying till my last breath, I still can't help but feel I should have done more. A unique pain only those of us that have had to see our children lose their battle to this horrible epidemic. I also realize anger is normal but I can't wrap my mind around how we as a society can spend billions to find a cure for erectile dysfunction but not a whole lot to find a cure to free our children from an illness  that is costing them their lives . Although I do feel like I might be loosing my mind, I am able to recognize that this is both an irrational thought on my part, blaming the pharmaceutical companies for not saving my son?!???, in addition to being a very valid point. Why aren't our priorities as human beings a little more selfless? Sorry, this might not make a lot of sense to anyone else, but I am currently angry at the world and the thought popped into my head .

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Hello I am so sorry for the loss of your son  I as well know exactly how you feel, your story sounds so much like mine. I lost my son at age 20 only 8 months ago due to and overdose of methadone and xyanex after just getting out of treatment for a heroine addiction. I thought he was now clean after treatment and the one drug that was supposed to help him with his addiction is what killed him. I don't understand giving one drug to help with the problem from another drug. and it still feels like it just happened yesterday. I feel the same pain of what could I have done to save my son. But in reality I did all I could. my thoughts and prayers go out to your family. May God give you peace in this time of deep pain. It's a journey we all here must endure, learning to live without our children but as for me I'm learning to live for HIM.  

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THANKX KELLY C

IM HERE IF EVER U NEED TO TALK AS I KNOW YOU WILL BE FOR ME

ITS NICE TO HEAR WORDS FROM ONE,,,EVEN TO CIR. R DIFFERENT WE WALK IN THE SAME SHOES

RAINIE

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To all you brave moms you are in my thoughts. We dont know each other yet are all in the same circle together having lost our beloved children. keep posting and let our words help to begin healing.

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Tommys mom~ my heart goes out to u. 

Allu say and feel is all totally normal to ones who has lost their children.   It's been a while since I lost my sons.      If not for sight like this and people I actually saved my life. And I have learned that there are worse things than physical death.   It killed me when each of my sons died.     And it has taken a while for me to get a life apart from the constant thought U and i know go with losing out hearts in losing out kids      I am  for the first time actually find my own life way  what's best for me even in my marriage   I am always afraid my husband will leave me     But now  I am finding my own way   Being the me I truly am of which is not appropriate in many circles fir many people just want a person to be how and what THEY WANT      EVEN THE SO  CALLED NUCE PEOPLE ARE NOT AS NICE AS THEY APPEAR.   THEY JUST KNOW HOW TO FAKE IT BETTER. ANYWAY.  I AM DIGRESSING. 

NOW IS THE TIME U NEED TO TAKE CARE.  DONFOR YOUR SELF WHATEVEER  HELPS U SURVIVE.     WHO ELSE WILL INLESS UNDO.     JUST MY TAKE ON THINGS.   KEEP

TALKING SHAREING.  INWILL SAVE U.     RAiNiE 

 

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Yes we are all survivors even if it feels like we are sleepwalking and stumbling through every day and only just hanging on. Rainie you are proof that there is life after losing a child/children and I guess we will all have to find our way through until we come out the other side.

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EVERY WORD U SAY HERE IS SOOO TRUE..AND HAD IT NOT BEEN THAT MY HUSBAND TALKED ME INTO LEARNING HOW TO USE E MAIL AND THE COMPUTER,,

ID BE TOAST...FOR IT IS GROUPS LIKE THIS WITH PEOPLE LIKE US WHO LITTERALLY SAVED ME..I HAD NO SUPPORT THAT WAS HELPFUL FOR ME FROM NOT

ONE PERSON WHO SAY THEY ARE FAMILY ..

AFTER EACH FUNERAL..

ALL THE FIRST,,U KNOW BIRTHDAYS, HOLIDAYS,,,I WAS EXPECTED TO GO TO ALL

THE FAMILY FUNCTIONS...NOT ONE PERSON EVEN ACTED OR SAID ANYTHING ABOUT MY LOSS,,,SURE

I KNOW ALL THE REASONS,,,EXCUSES.  

NO COMFORT IN THAT,,

BUT TH EY SURE TOOK CARE OF EACH OTHER THU ALL THE MANY CRISES M DEATHS OF "THEIR OWN"

and all thru this my husband sees no reason for me to feel or chose what I am now for my own sake..

all for now.

rainie

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I am a single parent so mostly its me sobbing at home over my poor puzzled cat! good days bad days one day at a time for us all. I have wonderful parents and a sister who live close by and a brother a couple hours away. my other sister is in the USA so we message and skype After my breakdown I have become quite reclusive but I am gradually growing and getting more confidence. baby steps.......

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Each person is an individual and we all express ourselves differently so it should not be surprising that we differ with grieving but it is hard to relate to someone emotionally when how you feel/act is not the same. my ex went straight to work when he was told of our sons death and has continued to work since not telling anyone that he had lost a son, that is just his way of coping. i fell apart and am still rocky now which i feel ashamed of as i should have been stronger to help support my other adult kids.

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hope you are all doing well.  it was the month anniversary yesterday, of my sons passing, and I still can't believe it is real.  when does that get better?  i keep expecting I will wake up from this horrible nightmare and that someone will realize a huge mistake was made and fix it...... even though i know that is never going to happen, i still keep hanging on to that.  i feel crazy half the time.  but honestly, i will hear a noise from upstairs, most likely coming from movement from an adjoining condo, and think 'oh, Layton is home', and then instantly realize, no, he is never coming home.  Any idea how long it takes for this to pass?  when will it finally hit me that this is forever.

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laytonsmom I dont know when it becomes real that our sons are gone forever. Im over 14months on and i still cannot grasp that fact because it is such a huge fact.  Forever is such a massive thing to grasp so dont try to do that yet.I think our minds partly cushion us initially because of shock. We can only take in small bits of information at a time. I still post on Tommy's facebook page because messaging was our form of communication and it feels like he still reads it. Everything is an anniversary initially, you know, a week since he died, a month, two months etc and then all the holidays etc are very painful but they pass by as time tends to do and you still keep on going. that is what we have to do just keep going. do you have other children? All i can say is that I believe our loved ones are with us all the time we just cant see them, and we WILL see them again when our own lives end of old age.We will be reunited and it will be a wonderful thing and worth waiting for. They will help us pass onto wherever it is we go, so it is NOT forever its just for NOW. On Tommy's order of funeral service i put "It's not goodbye, it's see you later". i hope that helps a little? You will be ok keep going we are all here for you.

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