Guilt about my mother's death.

[Kyvan04]

My mother just passed away couple months ago after suffering a intracerebral hemorrhage. I was told by the brain surgeon that there was nothing he can do to help and my mom chances of survivor is low plus even if she would to survive she will not be the same since her prognosis is very poor. I continue to ask him if he was sure there is nothing he can do then he responded that there is a surgery he can attempt but he think it will not help. I told him that since you said my mom condition is very bad, and if you bring up the surgery and even if you think it will not help there got to be a chance that it will right? (He just remain silence) At that time I felt anything would be better than just letting my mother laying there unconscious without knowing what to become of her. So I opt for the surgery that night. The doctor perform the surgery and my mother was moved to the ICU. My mother condition deteriorated after the surgery and in the late morning she was declare brain dead. Afterward, I found out from doing my own research that the doctor was doing a surgery to drain brain CSF fluid from my moms brain because the intracerebral hemorrhage created a blood clot that cause her brain to swell and that would cause the brain to herniate downward to the base of the brain and compress the brain stem vital areas. The thing is if the CSF is over drain it will cause the brain to herniate upward and damage the brain stem vital areas as well. I was told that my mother death was cause by the brain herniate downward but the amount of CSF that was drain seem a lot to me since the drainage was next to her bed side and I can't help but to think the CSF was over drained. Of course if I didn't do the surgery, my mother could of passed away too. But of course since I chose to do the surgery and she died, I feel like I made the wrong medical decision for her. I feel so guilty these pass couple months. I was in a tough situation making very tough decisions. I just want to know what are your insight in this. Thanks for reading. 

 

 

[ModKonnie]

I am so very sorry about the loss of your mother. You did the very best you could, and honestly, you made a brave and tough decision. I would have made the same decision--anything to help my mom. 

Please take care of yourself and stop beating yourself up over this. You have no reason to feel guilty. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie