How long is too long

[Alina0815]

My boyfriend died in a motorcycle crash on March 8th of this year so it's been a bit over 6 months and I still feel stuck in my grief like I'm not making any progress. I still cry everyday and think of him AT LEAST once every hour. I still zone out when I'm with other people and think of things having to do with him. I still can't sleep. I'm still so depressed and I don't know if this is normal. Should I be concerned? 

[claribassist13]

Alina, 

It's been almost 9 months since my fiance died and I still think of him every single second of every single day. He is always on my mind. I still cry pretty often too. 

Are you taking any sort of medication to help with your depression? Have you seen a grief counselor?

[Alina0815]

54 minutes ago, claribassist13 said:

Alina, 

It's been almost 9 months since my fiance died and I still think of him every single second of every single day. He is always on my mind. I still cry pretty often too. 

Are you taking any sort of medication to help with your depression? Have you seen a grief counselor?

I was just prescribed Paxil but I think I'm also experiencing some of the negative side effects and t might be making it worse. So I guess I'm jus t gonna have to have my doctor mess around with them and see what works. 

I just started seeing a therapist and she's gonna try going over some different methods of therapy with me but I'm pretty nervous to open it all up since it's hard for me to actually sit in front of someone and talk about it. 

Idk it just feels like I'm never gonna be okay and I know I probably won't be but its so torturous to live with a dark cloud over me even on the brightest days.

[claribassist13]

1 hour ago, Alina0815 said:

I was just prescribed Paxil but I think I'm also experiencing some of the negative side effects and t might be making it worse. So I guess I'm jus t gonna have to have my doctor mess around with them and see what works. 

I just started seeing a therapist and she's gonna try going over some different methods of therapy with me but I'm pretty nervous to open it all up since it's hard for me to actually sit in front of someone and talk about it. 

Idk it just feels like I'm never gonna be okay and I know I probably won't be but its so torturous to live with a dark cloud over me even on the brightest days.

Unfortunately, this is the sort of medication that takes time to work. Not only are you dealing with the time it takes to truly see if the medication is working, but you'll often have to try a few things before finding something that works with your brain chemistry. I was lucky and my Dr got it right the first time. That typically doesn't happen though. 

I can understand that viewpoint. I was nervous to open up to my grief counselor at first, but I have found that over time she has been my greatest resource. It is liberating is a sense to be able to tell someone anything I am thinking without having to worry about who I am talking to or if I am going to be judged for my thoughts. My counselor also uses art therapy with me. Essentially I do crafts as she colors. The crafts have their own significance behind them (which we discuss when I complete one), but in the meantime having something to keep my hands busy allows me to talk more freely (it's a psychology thing). 

My advice for starting off is just to make sure you are honest. You may not want to answer their questions or you may feel like they are prodding and poking, but it works out in the long run. Sometimes you just have to say things to get them off your chest. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you as you physically process what your brain has been internally processing. 
Most of all, just give it a shot. Counseling is not for everyone, but make sure you give it a fair chance as well. 

It's okay to feel like things are never going to get better. That is the reality you are living with right now, and you have to take that one stride at a time. We all known that grief doesn't simply go away. Our grief becomes a part of us, traps a little bit of us in a forever melancholy state. There will always be that slight tinge of grief in our lives, but I do believe that over time we will become more adept at shouldering the pain. 

Also, please realize that you are at the six month mark. That is a pretty huge mark, at least it was for me. It was impossible to believe that I had gone 6 months without a word, a look, or a touch from him. The six month mark is a hard spot, so don't think that you aren't making progress simply because you feel especially bad right now. Moments like these will hurt more, and then we'll progress towards the next hard mark. 
Cut yourself some slack. 6 months is not a very long time at all.    

[KayC]

I'm sorry for your loss, this is definitely one of the most difficult things we can try to traverse in our lives.

Is your therapist a professional grief counselor?  Because all are not trained in grief, it's important to get one that specializes in it.
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/10/seeing-specialist-in-grief-counseling.html
http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/04/finding-grief-support-that-is-right-for.html

Also, time alone does nothing to heal us.  It's so important to do our "grief work"!  
http://ezinearticles.com/?Youve-Got-the-Power-How-to-Know-If-You-Are-Doing-Your-Grief-Work&id=9047323

As Claribassist mentioned, the six month mark is one of the most hard hitting times in grief, as it's when reality seems to set in.
It's very hard to see progress when we're in it, but in looking back sometimes we can see how far we've come.  It takes way more time than we realize to process their death and learn to live alone and create a life for ourselves that we can find joy in again.  I've found it helps to take one day at a time and not take on the whole "rest of my life", it's too much.
Reading, posting, books, videos, art therapy, memorializing, and so much more is all part of the grief work they talk about.
I do wish you well. I hope you're taking good care of yourself, drinking water, eating something healthy, taking walks, our brains need all the help they can get in handling this!  Keep us posted as to how it's going...