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Not as strong as I should be


Missing mom

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:( a part of my self has slowly been dieing with her ..my mom had Deminta for the past few years God I miss seeing my mom smile and than sticking her tongue out at me.. God I so miss her hugs .. my mom passed away on July 3 2016 1 month after her birthday .. 

And God I truly miss hearing her say my full name .. it's the littlest of things .. I wonder if my mom is in tears in heaven as she's watching over us.. mom is with her parents and her brothers and more and she's with the lov of her life her husband now. I'm sorry I'm all over the place.. mom did you hear Melissa reading her poem for you at your funeral?  Mom did you read my letter ?... I know that I have to be strong for my daughter and so I'm trying my best not to cry in front of her if I do than I start to feel so very guilty .. my lov of my heart has been right by my side ... God I not not ready to say good bye no no I'm not even sure that I will ever be .....

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There's not strength that should have when dealing with grief, especially in the immediate months after.  It's normal to be experiencing feelings of devastation at the loss of a parent.  They did their best to teach us how to function without them, but being without them isn't what most of us wanted to begin with.  I don't know how old your daughter is, but I think it's important and healthy you children to see adults dealing with grief/  Obviously, you don't want her to see every part of it, but I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about her seeing you cry.  Afterall, she will lose you one day, and perhaps others before that, and you don't want her thinking that grief is abnormal.  Unfortunately, that is the message that many of us, including the children, recieve from our society.  Like losing weight after pregnancy, we are supposed to have our mental health snap back after the most serious of losses.  It's not a healthy thing.  It is important, for your daughter and for you, that she see you working through the grief.  This is not because it will go away magically if just put enough effort it.  It's important that that not be the expectation you set for her.  But that you take steps to enjoy your life, while allowing yourself to grieve, that you don't shut down and stop living etc.  That's not what you will want for your daughter when you eventually die and it's not what your mom wanted for you!  We have to live around the painful parts of life, not try to bury them.  If you bury the grief, and water it with silent tears, it will take over your garden.

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Hi

First I want to say thank you for replying .. My daughter is 22 and she has a learning disabilities so we have all have been trying to make sure that she will be well takin care of .. my mom and her were super close ... I understand that she needs to see me dealing with my mom's passing and she has but I have no true idea on how much she truly understands ... I'm doing the very best that I can .. yes my mom would only want the very best for her and I.

Right now I truly will do what needs to be done but I'm having a hard time now with grief of my mom's death 

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Missing mom ... I am so sorry for your loss.  My heart goes out to every person who comes to this site because I know your pain.  I agree with seachelle in regard to not trying to hide the deep sadness of our loss.  Our tears are a testament of the love that we had for those who have left us....and that is something to be grateful for.  I've heard of so many people who haven't had a loving relationship with a family member and I am forever grateful for the relationship that I had with both of my parents.  Something that helped me to get through those tough times when I was missing my parents was to turn the feelings of sadness into feelings of gratefulness.  Somehow that gets me through those rough moments.  

In saying goodbye to our loved ones, I prefer to say "so long" or "bye for now" because I truly believe that when it is our turn to leave this life that we will be reunited with those who left before us.  I am an avid reader of the Bible and we are told that there is so much more after this life and it sounds incredible!  So as difficult as these times are for you, hold onto that thought.  

Take care

Cindy Jane

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Hi

And thank you so very much .. I trying just stay at a float and I know I hav ed made my very own mistakes .. I also know that everyone deals with death in all different ways... and yes my daughter may need to see me tears and Lord she has ... 

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:( do yoyou ever feel guilty ? I do every second on my day .. I wasent there as much as I should have been my own health was going down fast . I so regret not telling my mom I loved her more than I allready had..  

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