I lost my FURever baby

[Juls]

I lost my beloved doghter yesterday. She is a 4 years old pomeranian. She was so full of live, full of energy, and so loving. My world revolves around her from the moment I laid my eyes on her. She is my dream dog because I always wanted to have a pom and waited 3 years to finally be able to afford one. There's not a day where I didn't kiss her and tell her how much I love her. She's the only thing that I look forward to when I go home. She's definitely the highlight of my every day whether it's a sad or a happy one. She's perfectly healthy, hyper, energetic and there's no dull moments with her. I lost her because of Ehrlichia and pneumonia. I was so devasted and no words can comfort me right now. It seems like nothing can take the pain. She's the only thing that I loved this much. 3 weeks ago she had her first ever stud experience, then after a few days she became weak and seems to be ill. I bought her to the vet, and they found out she have ehrlichia or also known as dengue in dogs. It's not the first time she had that sickness, she had it before already and survived. But this 2 days ago she have trouble breathing and seems so restless and can't sleep so we bought her again to the vet for check up. Her vet referred us to another pet hospital because they don't have ECG to check her heart. I am full of regret and kinda angry to myself because she's perfectly fine that day.. She still eats, bark so hard like her normal self.. She still walks around and so strong and full lf life. Then when we brought her to that hospital they did new tests, she had CBC, Xray everything. My dog looks so stressed and so afraid because her fear is going to the vet. And she is not used to this new hospital and she doesn't know anyone there. So after the doctor checked her, She vomitted a lot and then her tongue became blue and she's so pale. We tought maybe she had a stroke because she is so stressed and afraid at the vet. Her Blood pressure is so high .. Then they put oxygen to her nose. Then they couldn't check her heart because the one who conducts ECG is on leave. We decided to confine her there and we chos a suite room so that we can stay by her side the whole day..and never leave her. She don't eat or sleep anymore and seems so weak. She can't even stand and she barely can raise her head. They gave her a lot of IV medications and antibiocs..  I stayed by her side and took care of her pat his head and always touch her body. I talk to her and told her I love her and that she'll get well and we will go home and play. I assure her that we will never leave her and she will be okay. And then around 9pm that night I decided to go home first and take a shower and go back there again after, so my mom replaced me and stayed by her side. Then after I leave.. Her temperature dropped and she began shaking. She became stiff and struggling.. Then the vets rushed to save her..  After I left her her temperature dropped and she started shaking and her legs became stiff then they examined her and did everything to her. But she didn't survived. I didn't make it on time to go back there. It was 11:50 pm something when she passed away. And I was minutes late to be by her side i don't knw if she just waited for me to leave before she decided to let go. And that was my biggest regret I am so angry at myself that maybe if i didn't brought her to that hospital she is still here with me today.  I didn't know what happened why she didn't survived and I feel like I didn't do all my best and I have a lot of regrets like I hope I didn't mate her, i hope I didn't bring her to the vet because It added to her stress and made her pass much sooner. I don't know what to feel. I prayed so hard but she was taken away from me. I love her so much and I know I will love her forever. I never felt this kind of pain in my life. I gave her everything, the best foods, all of my attention, all of the love. Everything. But money can't save her life. I fee like it's my fault. I miss her terribly and I just break down whenever I remember her. I cry all day and i can't focus on anything else.  I hope I can touch and hug her. I am in so much pain I don't know what to do. It feels like an eternity of pain. Please help me. But Despite that pain, everything is worth it. She changed my life, i learned how to love something with a pure heart and made me give my 200% love to her. I only had her for 4 years but that was the best 4 years of my life, that 4 years is our little infinity and forever. She is the best thing I had. Nothing can replace her. And I will always cherish Her. I love her so much. 

 

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry you lost your little Pom, I know how they come to mean everything to you, I know all too well the loss of losing your dog, your sweet and faithful companion.
I don't think taking her to the vet hospital is what caused you to lose her, she had something dreadfully wrong.  She knows you love her.

I hope these links can be of comfort to you...the first two on guilt following loss, the third one is The Rainbow Bridge.
 

http://www.veterinarywisdomprofessionals.com/resource_center/help_for_clients/client_handouts/a_dangerous_villain_guilt

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/12/grief-and-burden-of-guilt.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcQvYh_3Atw

[Juls]

Hi KayC

Thank you so much to your heartwarming message. I just miss her so much and I just want her back in my life  But you are right I can't do anything about it anymore. And I do really hope that she knows how much I love her. But right now the wound is still fresh and I feel every pain. I don't know if I can make it through this.

 

Thank you for the rainbow bridge link. 

[KayC]

(((hugs)))

[birdie06]

Juls,Sorry it has taken me a couple days to get back to you. I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious furbaby,such a young age.

Our babies come into our lives to teach us about love and then they are gone,it just seems so unfair,when I lost my Kawala I felt the same way,still do,almost two years later.Not long after Kawala I had joined Petlossgriefsupport,every Monday night at 10:00 pm we have a candle light ceremony honoring our furbabies who have gone on to Rainbow Bridge if you'd like to join in,there is also a ' Wolfpack ' support team available 24/7 if you'd like to address them,I do this every Monday,it brings me relaxation knowing that one day me and my Kawala will be reunited.Always remember there is no limit in grief,you take care,I'm available if you want to talk,prayers sent your way.